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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Midwife asked about abortion

101 replies

restofthetimes · 08/09/2016 15:03

So the midwife at my booking asked about previous abortions/miscarriages. I said one previous abortion, when I was 17 - which she marked down, and then said "why"?

Do they have to ask that?

OP posts:
Meadows76 · 08/09/2016 15:04

Well the answer may have been relevant to your medical history

UmbongoUnchained · 08/09/2016 15:04

Probably to check it wasn't a medical abortion because of abnormalities. Which is something they would need to monitor for again.

piesoclock · 08/09/2016 15:05

I never got asked that, just if this was my first pregnancy.
I.would not have been impressed had I been asked that. Are you ok?

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 08/09/2016 15:05

Presumably she's asking in case it was for health reasons (your or the baby's) and to determine whether you might need extra screening

Any question your not cinfue table with, you can say "why do you ask?" And MW should explain

maggiethemagpie · 08/09/2016 15:06

It can cause scar tissue that can lead to complications further down the line which could be relevant.

There are a million valid medical reasons for asking this.

piesoclock · 08/09/2016 15:06

Umbongo is prolly right. There are better ways to ask about that tho.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/09/2016 15:06

There's probably a better way to ask Flowers but I imagine it's for the above reasons.

eightbluebirds · 08/09/2016 15:07

Their job is to care for you and your unborn child so it seems like a relevant question, especially if the reason was relevant to your medical history.

Crunchymum · 08/09/2016 15:07

Never been asked directly about abortion but have been asked about number of pregnancies. It's up to me what I do / do not disclose.

MrsHulk · 08/09/2016 15:08

I think they do have to ask that - it's to check whether it was a medical termination (either because of an abnormality or to protect your health). If it was, then they will want to know about that medical background so that they can support you better and watch out for the same problem.

She could have asked in a politer way, to make clear why she wanted to know, it's obviously a sensitive topic, but I really don't think she was prying or judging you.

sallysparrow157 · 08/09/2016 15:10

As well as it potentially being for health reasons they'd need to be aware of, you might have disclosed you'd been forced into it by abusive partner/parents or something similar which might make being pregnant now a reminder of bad experiences - in which case the midwife may be able to offer emotional support

purplefox · 08/09/2016 15:10

When I was pregnant 7 years ago the MW already knew I'd had an abortion, and there was a little box in the top of the notes she put a cross in so any other medical professional who had my notes would know, I assume they'd need the information in some cases.

Original poster
restofthetimes · 08/09/2016 15:11

I didn't mind telling her about the abortion. It was the why?

There didn't seem anywhere on the booking form for reasons,.....

OP posts:
SleepDeprivedAndCranky · 08/09/2016 15:12

It is relevant to your health history and in case there is any scaring on your uterus. If you choose to lie when asked, you may be putting yourself and your baby's health at risk.

Original poster
restofthetimes · 08/09/2016 15:13

Hmm, I didn't choose to lie.

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 08/09/2016 15:14

There are much better ways for her to have asked! If it had been me I would have said "do you mind me putting this in your notes, and do you mind me asking if there was a medical reason we may need to be aware of?"

2014newme · 08/09/2016 15:15

Can't see problem, they need medical history including any fetal abnormalities issues. They can't not ask important questions just to avoid sensitive subjects unfortunately

ImperialBlether · 08/09/2016 15:16

But the reason why and any possible scarring are two completely different issues.

MrsHulk · 08/09/2016 15:17

Ok, are you feeling upset about being asked why? Or are you feeling reassured now people have explained why the midwife needs to know?

Crackerdog · 08/09/2016 15:18

When I worked in women's wards it was called parity. So you you would say para 3+1 in handover meaning 3 pregnancies one live birth.

Yorkieheaven · 08/09/2016 15:21

sorry to ask but was that for medical reasons or other reasons, please don't think I am being intrusive but I just need to take a full history to give you and baby the best possible care. You are completely free not to answer of course
Said quietly and gently.

Lj8893 · 08/09/2016 15:22

cracker para 3+1 would mean 3 live children plus 1 miscarriage/termination/stillbirth etc.

Parity means parent, gravida means pregnancy. So a pregnant first time mum and first pregnancy would be gravida 1 para 0.

KittensDoNotLikeFluffyBlankets · 08/09/2016 15:23

I think she could have put it a lot better. E.g. Any additional info on that, it could be medically relevant?

Barksdale · 08/09/2016 15:24

It's completely normal for a booking appointment. They are trying to assess your needs during your pregnancy.

OlennasWimple · 08/09/2016 15:24

The way she asked "why" could have been more sensitively worded, but as pp have said, she did need to know whether there was a medical reason for the abortion

Congratulations on your pregnancy