Midwife asked about abortion

[restofthetimes]

So the midwife at my booking asked about previous abortions/miscarriages. I said one previous abortion, when I was 17 - which she marked down, and then said "why"?

Do they have to ask that?

I think she has over reached and was insensitive.
I was never asked why - just noted that it occurred.

I think the OP may have intepreted why as - why did she choose to have an abortion in terms of what was going on in her life at the time whereas the middy probably meant it as why as in - was it due to the baby having abnormalities or health problems with mother.

Agree it could have been asked more sensitively by the middy, eg 'was that due to a problem with yours or the baby's health'? rather than a blunt 'why' which would have given her the info she needed without making OP feel like she was prying into her personal life.

Trouble is had she said 'was it for medical reasons or through choice' that could have come across as judgey.

So she's probably found the more direct Q works for her.

The why may also be relevant to your future mental health throughout pregnancy.

I think there might be a better way to ask but there are lots of good reasons to check. Some women abort due to HG or severe antenatal depression or problems with the foetus that would need flagging up. And if it wasn't a medical reason then it might have involved some awful life trauma that makes them in special need of support.

Or maybe she just finds that booking in for a wanted pregnancy is a point at which some women feel the need to work through feelings about previous pregnancies. Maybe a completely open question like this, with no bias either way gives women the space to either say "accidental pregnancy" and move on (as I'm guessing the OP did) or to talk through the circumstances in as much detail as they need.

My booking in was done at home (home birth), midwife asked in front of my VERY judgemental MIL about the abortion I had at 19 - at time of incident I was 29 - MIL has never forgotten it, it's her party piece at family gatherings. She informs all and sundry that I was a slut before meeting her precious son. DH went NC with her a while back, but SIL is still in touch and lets us know what's going on.

Bloody hell CBI that's appalling. Did you complain?

They asked me about abortions in both my pregnancies, so I think it's routine. I think it is an important thing to have on record.

This is a worry. Would they always ask this? My H2B is religious and I can't have him know I had an abortion!

My midwife asked me, and I also had an abortion at 17. She asked if I wanted it recorded in my notes, and I said no. She said there was no need to have it recorded if I didn't want it to be. Maybe different areas have different guidelines?

You can say no, or have your booking apt without your dh and ask for it not to be recorded on your handheld notes.

They ask routinely.

However, they should not ask in front of your MIL or even your partner.
They have to ask whether you want this information in your notes and they certainly have to ask about the reasons in a sensitive way.
They also make sure they ask you about domestic violence in the absence of your partner.

I did think she'd presume a teenage abortion would be very unlikely to be for medical reasons or abnormalities.......

I wonder what the stats are - I'd imagine it's negligible,

I believe that they usually want to see you alone at your booking in, at least for five or ten minutes - they want to make sure you're not being abused. Tell the midwife then if you've had an abortion, whistling.

Suppose it's brought up later though?

It should not be bought up in front of your husband (or anybody). It's very unlikely it would ever get bought up again anyway.

They do try to see you alone, either for weigh in, or they come to show you where the loos are for the sample, or something.

You need to tell your h2b, don't keep it a secret.

I'm a student MW and have done lots of booking ins where the women has said no she hasent had an termination or miscarriage before. Or they say they had a previous miscarriage, but once we look at their hospital records there is record of a termination in there. So really if you really don't want to say anything then say you haven't had a termination, it's not a problem if you don't tell the mw.

I couldn't, 2014

NO way. I just won't mention it, it's not on my records but good thing I had a heads up here

Why does she have to tell her H2B 2014?

None of his business.

I had an abortion at 20. I mentioned it at my booking appt with DC1 - DH was there but I had no issue with that - and it was never brought up again, throughout either of my subsequent pregnancies.

If you don't want to tell him, don't.

My DH doesn't own me, my body or my past. What I choose to share is my business, unless it directly affects him (an STD for example).

They definitely have to ask why. As someone who had a tfmr then a subsequent pregnancy it was impose taint for my care that they knew my termination was because of chromosomal abnormalities rather than a another reason.

It should only be mentioned at your booking and if it was for other reasons rather than medical then it won't be mentioned again.

I think 'why?' sounds insensitive but it's much better than other forms of questioning as it implies no judgement.

You don't need do tell your Husband to be (although he cannot be that religious if you're having a baby without being married...) but you should definitely tell your midwife in case of complications.