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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husbands work are cunts

98 replies

pleasemothermay1 · 08/09/2016 12:33

They now have a 6 week notice policey for Hoildays

We have adopted a baby and he won't be able to come to the celebration hearing as its in two weeks

They only sent me the letter today

They are cunts

He hardly ever takes time off pretty much always has time left at the end of the year as I am at home but I really want him to be at this Ffs Aibu

OP posts:
SquidgyRedBall · 08/09/2016 12:34

Isn't there rules about parental leave? Is it discretionary?

My work wouldn't allow me time off, but as I was moving (and exchange/completion happened close together) they made an exception.

Mummamayhem · 08/09/2016 12:35

He needs to call in sick that day if they wont let him attend. Thats really really rubbish if they've said no.

StarlingMurmuration · 08/09/2016 12:35

Can't he take paternity leave? I'm pretty sure you can take maternity leave when you adopt.

PuppyMonkey · 08/09/2016 12:36

My colleague took the two weeks paternity when he and his wife adopted.

Tiredbutfuckingfine · 08/09/2016 12:36

-unpaid parental leave

insancerre · 08/09/2016 12:37

I thought you could get paternity leave for adoption

Mrsnippycat · 08/09/2016 12:43

Definitely get him to check their parental leave policy - adoption should be covered in that.

Original poster
pleasemothermay1 · 08/09/2016 12:43

He's taken the leave

It's just the speical court day when they make the adoption official they usually have this about 3- 8 months after a child moves in

Most people think once a child moves in that's them adopted however you can't apply for adoption order for 10 weeks after they have moved in

The celebration day means we're legally a family and from then on baby can legally take our name we then get a adoption cert in place of birth cert

I feel very upset actually

OP posts:
CocoLoco87 · 08/09/2016 12:45

Best thing he can do is talk to HR. UnpaiD statutory parental leave (which he is entitled to, up to 4 weeks a year) requires minimum of 21 days notice. Unfortunately his employers are within their rights to refuse but I still think they ABVU.

He could take 'emergency parental leave' (no notice required) but he would have to explain what it is for...

harderandharder2breathe · 08/09/2016 12:45

Can he get unpaid parental leave? Not ideal I know but it's something he should be there for

Mouthfulofquiz · 08/09/2016 12:46

As a manager, I would absolutely grant leave for this against procedure. Has he asked?

Sonders · 08/09/2016 12:46

I'm 90% sure there's adoption leave in the same way you get paternity, it's been written into my last few employment contract.

I'm too lazy to read but here's the .gov advice!

www.gov.uk/adoption-pay-leave/overview

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 08/09/2016 12:46

Can't you celebrate as a family at the weekend?

Most celebrations don't happen on a weekday anyway....birthdays are still work/school days. You don't get time off for them

This isn't his works fault at all

QOD · 08/09/2016 12:47

Awwww that sucks.
I remember all the pomp and formality of our parental order being granted, was a big day

To the initiated, it meant I could take dd for her injections without dh, he had PR as the birth father, I was just his wife. It meant I could claim child allowance in MY NAME (psychologically important) and if she went to hospital for example, I was just her bloody mum not some
Complicated well im er ...
(My dd is a straight surrogate baby)

Shame dh is too poorly to work that day 😉

QOD · 08/09/2016 12:47

UnInitiated

Original poster
pleasemothermay1 · 08/09/2016 12:50

poster MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Thu 08-Sep-16 12:46:42
Can't you celebrate as a family at the weekend?

Most celebrations don't happen on a weekday anyway....birthdays are still work/school days. You don't get time off for them

This isn't his works fault at all
Add message | Report | Message poster QOD Thu 08-Sep-16 12:47:29

its a court order be granted by the court to say we're legally a family

OP posts:
MintyLizzy9 · 08/09/2016 12:50

Hi, has he used all the hours he's allowed for meetings under the new adoption legislation?

If he doesn't have any hours left then keep it to yourself and he calls in sick.

We recently had our celebration hearing and I can't imagine not being there for it, it was actually bloody nice for my sons name to be mentioned there in a positive note rather than for child protection hearings and to meet the judge who had been granting the various orders for him for the last couple of years.

It would take a heartless bastard to tell him he can't have the time off for that.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 08/09/2016 12:52

So he has to be there by law?

MintyLizzy9 · 08/09/2016 12:53

A celebration day isn't a party, it's going to court to sit before a judge and have a 'hearing' to finalise the adoption so it does have to take place during the week.

MatildaTheCat · 08/09/2016 12:54

Yes, they are being extremely mean. I would speak to HR and explain the extraordinary circumstance first. Then, if it's still no go I would call the court and ask if it can be postponed until dh can get leave.

YANB at all U. You have waited YEARS for this very special day and it sucks.

MintyLizzy9 · 08/09/2016 12:55

No not by law but as a good parent he would want to be there! It's a massive day for the entire family, even more so if DC are old enough to understand what's going on.

JudyCoolibar · 08/09/2016 12:55

Have they specifically said no? It's not quite clear from your OP.

Dontyoulovecalpol · 08/09/2016 12:56

This is ridiculous, what kind of company need 6 weeks notice for 1 days leave?

Tell him not to ask if he hasn't already and call in sick.

KickAssAngel · 08/09/2016 12:57

IS there someone who is higher up in the organization that you can write a letter to? I've heard that the courts try to make it feel like a celebration, and often have a few families there together.

I'm just wondering if you can put it in writing, along with an explanation that this is the official court date, and therefore cannot be moved. Maybe even imply that parents are legally required to attend so that he HAS to be there?

I don't think 6 weeks is enforceable anyway - too many people have things that come up (hospital appt etc) without that much notice that they will need to use leave for.

dailyarsewipe · 08/09/2016 12:57

Mumontherun.

It's a bloody big deal, it's like the day of the birth in the sense that it's actually the day you legally become a parent.

Yes, his work are cunts. Yes, he should chuck a sickie.