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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husbands work are cunts

98 replies

pleasemothermay1 · 08/09/2016 12:33

They now have a 6 week notice policey for Hoildays

We have adopted a baby and he won't be able to come to the celebration hearing as its in two weeks

They only sent me the letter today

They are cunts

He hardly ever takes time off pretty much always has time left at the end of the year as I am at home but I really want him to be at this Ffs Aibu

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 08/09/2016 12:59

Is he in the sort of job where he absolutely has to be there? Can he swap a shift? Can a manager use discretion to grant him the day off?

It sounds like there are bigger problems in his workplace if he doesn't get to use all his leave entitlement. Either managerial, work culture, or his own disorganisation/workload management etc.

AppleMagic · 08/09/2016 12:59

It sounds like a case of "computer says no" and I'd take it higher and tell them he needs time off to go to court to formalise the adoption and skim over the celebration bit.

Unless you think they're looking to get rid of him anyway, then I'd desperately try to postpone if that's in any way possible and polish up his cv.

JustHappy3 · 08/09/2016 13:01

Well he can ask work and explain. It doesn't make them evil. Or you could just ask the court for a new date in 6 weeks time. It's not set in stone.

DixieWishbone · 08/09/2016 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QOD · 08/09/2016 13:02

Have you misunderstood my post?
I was explaining to other people that it is a big deal

I felt as emotional as the day dd was born, she was handed to me at 10 mins old but she was MY DAUGHTER aged 8 months

mouldycheesefan · 08/09/2016 13:03

It's worth asking. They may be flexible in th circumstances.

BarbaraofSeville · 08/09/2016 13:03

How do they deal with other short notice absences? Moving house, paternity leave? You don't get much notice that either of those are going to happen on a particular day. What if he was actually sick - what would they do then?

Agree that six weeks notice for a single day off is ridiculous but if they have to have certain staffing levels for whatever reason, they will have contingency plans.

MunchCrunch01 · 08/09/2016 13:04

i vote that they're cunts. I agree with people saying escalate it. If it's really a total no, you'll have to have a celebration on the weekend but I can appreciate it's not the same. It's outrageous they won't let him have the day off, or at least some time on that day.

AnnaMarlowe · 08/09/2016 13:04

I often side with the organisation on these types of threads, but in your case I would absolutely let a team member of mine take leave for this.

I would suggest it's worthy another chat with boss/HR to explain the significance of this event.

Congratulations btw!

hollinhurst84 · 08/09/2016 13:05

It depends I guess - my workplace you can (and we do) book holidays up to a year in advance. If I was looking now I would imagine October and November were full, December has a leave ban on, so it would be probably January after the 6th or so before I could get leave

Dontyoulovecalpol · 08/09/2016 13:06

I wouldn't celebrate at the weekend, if I absolutely had to I would reluctantly ask for a rescheduled date

Ringadingdingdong22 · 08/09/2016 13:08

Yes they are cunts. Utterly ridiculous if they won't allow one day off without 6 weeks notice. There's this thing called 'life' that happens to us all, that means sometimes you need to take time off at short notice. Surely they can use some discretion.

If not he should absolutely call in sick.

Dontyoulovecalpol · 08/09/2016 13:08

Of 1 day Hollin???

eurochick · 08/09/2016 13:09

Have they actually said no to this yet? It's not clear from the OP's posts.

LateToTheParty · 08/09/2016 13:09

YANBU at all. Would it be possible for him to get a half day to cover it? It's an important milestone and as you've said, most people don't realise it's not just a formality or a party, that it's the point where you are given sole legal responsibility for your child, rather than having to parent by committee with the placing LA & birth family.

We were given the impression by the court that attendance wasn't optional for both of ours. Could your social worker write a letter on DHs behalf stating how important it is he attends? For what's it worth I found both our celebrations quite emotional & the court environment a bit intimidating, although the judges & clerks couldn't have been more lovely with us all. I wouldn't have wanted to attend alone.

Hope he can get it sorted and then all enjoy your special day together.

Italiangreyhound · 08/09/2016 13:09

pleasemothermay sorry to hear this.

So assuming your dh has spoked to his line managerm has he gone to the next person up until someone shows some common decency!

Our day was quite nice and we enjoyed it. For me it did not really signify my becoming ds's mum because I felt like that from the time he moved in with us six or seven months earlier. However for us it was significant for ds who was 4 by this point.

You can ask to change the date, you could maybe bring it forward or take it back. I would bring it forward even if by just one day. I would be tempted to call in sick so as to not miss it. If the boss knows the date and still says no, you could request a date, ideally an earlier date, and then they would just assume he was off ill.

JudyCoolibar · 08/09/2016 13:12

It's not as easy as asking for a date in six weeks' time. Courts are extremely busy, so if you ask for an adjournment the new hearing might actually be in three months' time or longer. And I would assume that it's really important to you and your child that you become her forever parents as quickly as possible.

Nyancat · 08/09/2016 13:19

I wouldnt be selling it to work as a celebration day, I would be saying it's needed to attend court to obtain a final order in court proceedings. They would be utter bastards not to allow it.

I have been at court on so many days web the final adoption orders are granted and I am reduced to a blubbering wreck each time. They are the most special of days to see children with certificates that say 'today I got my forever family' and that knowledge that they are being given the security that brings that has often been so lacking in their early lives. It's such a wonderful day that I really hope our dh doesn't miss out.

LateToTheParty · 08/09/2016 13:20

Just found this in our paperwork. Did you receive anything similar which would add weight to his request? Hopefully once HR or his management understand the nature of the request (& it's not just that he fancied an afternoon in Nando's!) they would be more willing to grant the time off.

To think my husbands work are cunts
planesick · 08/09/2016 13:21

We adopted as well, so I know how important this event I to you and your lo... Ask your social worker to phone them and explain(put pressure on). I know its a bit like asking your mum to speak to the teacher, but her work isn't done yet! All companies have compassionate leave unpaid or paid... Total bastards though I do agree... Congratulations on becoming a family

planesick · 08/09/2016 13:23

Or his.. Sorry to all male social workers

MothersGrim · 08/09/2016 13:25

Actually I'd just say he has a private court appearance that he needs to attend and apologise for the short notice.

I'd make it sound obligatory if it needs to be explained. I can understand why if thenudge is granting your family an adoption the whole family would need to be there and I wouldn't in any way let on that it's a formality and you only want to go for a celebration.

Dontyoulovecalpol · 08/09/2016 13:27

Oh nyancat CRY CRY CRY

AngelsWithSilverWings · 08/09/2016 13:30

Congratulations.

I'm sure that employers have to allow time off for pre and post placement meetings in the case of an adoption ( mine and my DH's employers certainly had to when we adopted our DC as it was clearly detailed in our Staff rule book)

The fact that the Courts have change the name of the final adoption hearing to a Celebration hearing shouldn't change that.

I hope you get it sorted - it really is a wonderful day for adoptive families and we have very fond memories of our final court day.

RaspberryOverload · 08/09/2016 13:30

LateToTheParty

That pic of the paperwork is interesting. It implies that it's unlikely the parental order will be granted without both adoptive parents there.

OP, it's certainly worth taking a good look at your paperwork.