YANBU. I went to my northern, market town, comprehensive in the 80s, before designer brands were as potent or prevalent, but I still remember the vile cruelty meted out to a girl in my RE class to a girl who wore unmatching, unflattering "granny" clothes. I also remember the time I wasted agonising about what I would wear to school to ensure I looked cool enough but not too cool; and I had plenty of friends, had never experienced bullying and was destined for Oxbridge as it turns out.
I recently worked in the Employability department of a large FE college, all our students were 19+ adults referred by the Job Centre to address skills deficits that had been identified as barriers to finding employment, I taught foreign learners who were a joy and performed exceptionally. They had the highest % of achieving employment within 8 weeks of finishing their course of any class list in our school, despite only having entry level English. However I had management responsibility for other courses so while I didn't teach UK born students (I occasionally covered), issues arising were referred up to me.
It was so depressing, some had complex issues, but a unifying theme with the sizeable minority who were disruptive, was an inability to accept any rules, accept authority or exercise any impulse control. The number of times someone "only lost it" with the teacher because "I'm alright as long as no one tells me what to do, but if people start telling me what to do, I go mental" etc. I was told everybody else gets this and lets them do what they want, so the teacher shouldn't have asked them to put their phone in their bag / remove their earphones.
We'd talk through the impact of their behaviour on the rest of the class, about the fact that any workplace has rules although they will differ depending on the employer; the fact that all jobs include elements that nobody enjoys doing but that they have to be done. With intensive work and liaison with their JCP advisors sometimes people do start to moderate their behaviour and go on to achieve. However some have got so used to being accommodated because of their need to be "respected", they don't believe we won't do the same if they make teachers' lives unpleasant enough. In these extreme situations, after many attempts to support, I'd resort to the mantra "In that case, I'm very sorry but X College is not the right place for you, we are unable to meet your needs." The incredulity from one particular man who had been a nightmare, finally racially abusing the teacher and threatening him with violence, disrupting the class etc., - was amazing. "What do you mean?" I repeated that if he needed to be in an environment without any rules where he could do what he wanted, then unfortunately we were unable to meet his needs, and I added that he had to leave. "But I don't want to leave, if I don't finish the course or the Job Centre will stop my benefit" [JSA] we went round and round, he just could believe that it was time for him to fuck of and that a 5ft fucking manager was going to make it happen. As he was being escorted off he was still shouting: "What about my benefits?". The gratitude and relief of other students when their teacher tells them that "Sadly X won't be returning to class with us." is telling.
Our college had a massive crack down on what might be considered petty classroom management whilst I worked there. No hats or caps/ phones switched off in bags/ only water in class / coats off in class (I would allow and write up exceptions in my lesson plan for recently arrived
refugees who hadn't yet got warm clothing, we helped them access clothes banks at local refugee charities). I wouldn't have believed the impact on behaviour. If the pros and cons of these rules are discussed critically as a part of induction, and politely but consistently enforced, the classrooms are so much calmer and the students really benefit. I am converted and I think they are critical non-essentials. I do think that having a warm, inclusive, supportive class culture is essential to this working but it is absolutely possible to have both.
I'd be interested in the experience of other teachers.
Apologies for typos, I'm on my iPhone.