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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be furious with DD's nanny?

305 replies

alwaystimeforgin · 06/09/2016 16:47

So I am utterly fuming. I have just had a call from a friend of mine saying she had found my DD (She is 3 years old) wandering around at the park on her own with no adult in sight. After about 10 mins DD's nanny comes back with a coffee in her hand and when my friend questioned her she said she went to the cafe to get DD a drink as she was thirsty.

The coffee shop is the other side of the park and would have taken the nanny around 15 mins to walk there and back. Plenty of time for a child to get injured or get into some sort of danger. Hate to think what might have happened if my friend had not been there. The nanny has been great with DD up until this point and she has been a nanny for 15 years so I am genuinely shocked by this serious lack of judgement on her part. However, I don't think I can trust her now after this incident Confused Is this grounds for dismissal or should I be giving her another chance? Hmm

OP posts:
MuseumOfCurry · 07/09/2016 09:06

I'm way out of the nanny hiring years, but I always asked for a reference having something other than a hotmail or gmail account, and then phoned them.

Mcchickenbb41 · 07/09/2016 09:21

I felt sick reading this, thank god your dd is ok. I wouldn't even leave my dd 2.7 alone with my other dd 12 who is actually a very sensible and capable girl. But if for some reason I did she would never leave her unattended. Who would ??

giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 07/09/2016 09:39

I am a nanny and agree with you - if this had happened to me and a friend had forgotten dc then I would be falling over myself to provide you with friends number to check.

It happened to me the other week - got held up at youngests nursery due to road works and so text nanny friend to grab 6yr old at gate for me and said we would be there a few mins after the bell. I saw friend opposite school walking away and her face fell in shock and she ran back - she had forgotten to grab my charge. She couldn't stop appologising, explained herself to my charge, and then text again later to say sorry again. My charge was fine, she knew to stand at gate and wait anyway but my point is if someone had said to my boss "giraffes left dc alone at pick up" then I could have totally proven this. Luckily I have had the kids for nearly 6 years and bosses trust me.

I would likely leave a friend to watch kids I have had a long time - and therefore can predict (as much as you ever can with kids) how they are likely to behave. I wouldn't leave a fairly new child with someone for a variety of reasons!

giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 07/09/2016 09:40

Always it is possible they were genuine - it might have been first time shes ever done that, it might be she's done it before and never been caught out. In their eyes she might have been wonderful and likely does have many good traits. Unfortunately you now can't trust her to keep dd safe - this is the main requirement!

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/09/2016 10:00

I think if there was a friend that 1) friend would been embarrassed and apologised to you and wanted to meet you to say it wasn't nannys fault 2) nanny would be trying not to prove her innocence

I just don't get why a nanny with that many years exp would leave a child Alone at a park - 🙄 Esp a new charge

Be bad enough if was the nanny for several years and said to child stay here in going to get a drink - but to leave a new charge who you don't know what well

We are paid to look after children and if we need to do something then the child comes with us - end of

nannynick · 07/09/2016 16:05

Please do call your payroll provider and tell them what has happened so they can help you formally end the contract and finalise the pay, produce the P45.

With regard to checking references, it can be difficult. Matching dates against CV, speaking on the phone, Google the referees name - they may appear on LinkedIn or other places so you can be a bit more certain they were an employer and not a friend of the nanny. Ask probing questions - why did nanny leave, would you employ them again, what activities did the children enjoy most. You need to trust your instincts and try to get a feel for if what you are being told is genuine.

Summerwood1 · 07/09/2016 16:21

Is your mate just stirring though and not quite telling the truth?

shopaholic999 · 07/09/2016 16:41

Summerwood..the nanny has admitted to leaving the child, supposedly with a friend!

Katherine2626 · 07/09/2016 17:26

Talk to the nanny first, but if she was coming back with 'a cup of coffee' then it certainly isn't looking like she was getting a drink for your little girl, and I can't understand why she didn't take the child with her. What an odd thing to do - and really dangerous, if it is truly what happened.

DiegeticMuch · 07/09/2016 17:37

She sounds lax.

I don't think that you'll ever truly trust her now tbh. Time to part company.

nannygoat50 · 07/09/2016 17:43

As a nanny I would like to be asked first, maybe a friend was watching her while your nanny got the drinks . Maybe your child had kicked off and therefore it was better to leave her with someone else while she got drinks. Perhaps your friend didn't see the whole scenario.
However saying that if she left her totally alone it would be instant dismissal . 1 min alone is too long !!! Talk to your nanny and hear her side rather than put it in here and ask people who weren't there

SarahG79 · 07/09/2016 17:43

Very strange - if it was my childrens nanny I'd be asking her to leave, whatever the situation. As a responsible adult in charge of a child you don't leave them on their own in a park, especially a toddler/young child.

  1. She should have been adequately prepared and taken a drink with them.
  2. I doubt the coffee was for your child.
  3. If she was so casual about it was it the first time? And, will it be the last if she thinks its not a problem?
  4. Your child is only 3! Madeleine McCann springs to mind, 'we only left her for a little while and weren't far away'.
clarehhh · 07/09/2016 17:44

Agree was a lie as no drink for daughter when she came back! She should have her in sight at all times when out of doors.

DiddysMammy · 07/09/2016 17:46

I'm a mum and a nanny and I'm a beggared if I understand her logic.. I'd have done the exact same in your situation!!

Shezza71 · 07/09/2016 17:47

I'm a nanny myself please speak to her about it, there may have been an adult watching the children but at 3 not necessarily following them around as long as they were in eye sight. If she did in fact leave the child unattended a serious chat and at least a formal warning. But she's your child and once the trust is gone it's gone unfortunately

TommyJoesMummy · 07/09/2016 18:00

I think from your talk with the nanny-she sounds like an idiot or a liar...
The trust would be gone for me and she'd be gone too!
One of the parks I take my son to has a lot of water-duck ponds and boating lakes, there are several exits/entrances leading onto main roads, that's if an adult doesn't abduct a wandering infant!
15 years experience? How long has she stayed with each family and under what circumstances did she leave? I'd be completely be able to trust her

SuperFlyHigh · 07/09/2016 18:00

I'm shocked on your behalf. I was a childminder (at children's house and with GCSE in childcare when I was 16! But I knew the children very well) - even now if I was out with friends children and needed the toilet I'd probably bring the child in with me if too young or get someone to watch them outside the cubicle briefly.

I would be double and triple checking any further nanny references and do you need to provide her with a reference now seeing what has happened? I am pleased your DD is ok though and what a good job your friend saw her and took care of her.

SuperFlyHigh · 07/09/2016 18:02

Shezza I can't believe you think a formal warning is ok for leaving a 3 year old alone?! Are you insane?!

This is a gross misconduct and therefore sackable offence in my opinion.

nellypledge16 · 07/09/2016 18:02

Shezza the OP has already spoken to the nanny, who said she left her friend watching the child but her friend left. Won't provide contact details for the friend so OP has dismissed her.

Mynestisfullofempty · 07/09/2016 18:02

Shezza71 She has spoken to her about it. Read the OP's other posts.

Callaird · 07/09/2016 18:06

With regards to references, when you interview the nanny/nannies ask for all previous positions (or last three or four (I've worked for 9 families!))

• what age were the children at the star of the position
• how long were they with them
• what classes she took them to
• employers full names and occupation (not sure if you can ask who they worked for though (which is just as well as I don't know the company DB works for!))
• what hours the nanny typically worked
• if the nanny did any non nursery duties and what, i.e., emptied kitchen bin, dishwasher, local errands (dry cleaning, pick up bread/milk/tea bags etc)

Make a note of everything she says and then pick a few to ask previous referees. I don't need my C.V. in front of me to answer any of these questions and I think that most of my more recent employers will remember these things. I left my first employer in February 1988, I doubt she'll remember what I did for her (except welded a hot saucepan to her kitchen carpet tiles and got boiled condensed milk all over her kitchen cupboards!!)

Member373874 · 07/09/2016 18:09

There was an incident at our local park on Monday this week where there was an attempt to take a child. My blood runs cold at this happening and I certainly hope this is a misunderstanding. I am just relieved you DD is safe. Hugely distressing for her. I would let the Nanny go. At best, her job is to keep the child safe at all times, not leave her with others to do that job. At worst, its unimaginable how she could do that. All for a coffee. Nannies should have got drinks around their charges anyway

exbloomer1 · 07/09/2016 18:13

Before making ANY decision you must ask the nanny for her side , you need to know why,mor if indeed she did leave your dd and why if indeed she did not fetch your dd a drink, far too complicated for a simple dismissal , you need a full investigation first. Please report back for others benefit .

ARCmummy · 07/09/2016 18:16

Dismiss her imediately, no need for her to do what she did.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 07/09/2016 18:23

She could have got those references from anywhere. Her partner or a friend I would sack her.

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