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Original poster

To be furious with DD's nanny?

305 replies

alwaystimeforgin · 06/09/2016 16:47

So I am utterly fuming. I have just had a call from a friend of mine saying she had found my DD (She is 3 years old) wandering around at the park on her own with no adult in sight. After about 10 mins DD's nanny comes back with a coffee in her hand and when my friend questioned her she said she went to the cafe to get DD a drink as she was thirsty.

The coffee shop is the other side of the park and would have taken the nanny around 15 mins to walk there and back. Plenty of time for a child to get injured or get into some sort of danger. Hate to think what might have happened if my friend had not been there. The nanny has been great with DD up until this point and she has been a nanny for 15 years so I am genuinely shocked by this serious lack of judgement on her part. However, I don't think I can trust her now after this incident Confused Is this grounds for dismissal or should I be giving her another chance? Hmm

OP posts:
AprilSkies44 · 06/09/2016 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BastardGoDarkly · 06/09/2016 20:30

Have faith in the reactions on this thread op.

This is such an extraordinary thing for any nanny to have done, no one could quite believe it.

You've done the right thing, good luck with your next nanny Flowers

MunchCrunch01 · 06/09/2016 20:32

I wouldn't be put off nannies op, there and pros and cons to all childcare arrangements and mine is one in a million who'd never do anything like this, you've had very bad luck with this nanny.

WaitrosePigeon · 06/09/2016 20:32

I felt sick reading your OP. I'm glad you've let her know not to bother coming back.

please let us know if she replies

PerpendicularVincent · 06/09/2016 20:42

I'm glad you've let her go, she was incredibly negligent

LagunaBubbles · 06/09/2016 20:43

Thanks Nannynick.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 06/09/2016 21:34

It's any mother's nightmare but try to look on it as a lucky escape. Your friend was there by a wonderful coincidence. Your child has only had a month in this situation and she is unscathed. The nanny failed to cook up a story on the spur of the moment, allowing you to see the truth. Now Ofsted know. As dreadful as it was, this is actually a great outcome and you have dodged a bullet.

I have had many helpers and while some have been better than others, all of them have enriched my child/children's lives and none of them would ever have done this. I wouldn't let one experience taint a whole profession that is largely made up of incredibly caring, trained and dedicated professionals who are doing the job because they enjoy children.

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/09/2016 22:16

The fact she won't give her friends no to you proves she is lying

Glad you have dismissed her and glad you reporter to ofsted

Where did you get her details from?

If an agency I would inform them

Sorry you have had a bad experience esp as first nanny / but what happened is rare

Please don't let it put you off employing another nanny

MiscellaneousAssortment · 06/09/2016 22:47

Not giving the 'friends' contact details isn't proof of the lie.

She may not want to give her friends contact details due to worry you will blame the friend/ shout at her/ make trouble by tracking down the family she works for etc.

But either way, the incident was unacceptable and you're right to terminate her employment whilst still in the trial period.

By the way, 15 yrs as a nanny doesn't necessarily mean 15 yrs building experience and expertise in nannying. It could mean years of incompetence and shoddy work, getting away with questionable practices. Sadly there are a few bad apples in every industry and walk of life.

Nannies can also be brilliant, so don't lose heart, you'll find someone else!!!

They are out there, I promise!

We are welcoming back a wonderful nanny you nipped off to travel the globe. She's run out of money and has returned to fund her next adventure ... At the exact same time we have some weeks with no childcare. It's like welcoming her back into our family. When you find a good 'un, it's great!

Callaird · 06/09/2016 23:16

In 29 years as a nanny I have never left my charges with anyone I didn't know and trust implicitly and even then only to pop to the loo if we are out and probably not if we were in an open space, purely because I would expect them to think of their own charges/children first. If they fell over or off something, they would take their eyes off my charge.

My MB has a lovely friend who is always saying to leave my charge with her if I need to pop to the shop or something, I tell her that I'm paid to look after my charge so they stay with me at all times. In fact, I don't leave them alone with their grandparents as they are a bit forgetful!! (Unless my MB specifically tells me too, then the onus is on her)

Callaird · 06/09/2016 23:17

*to not too - in the last line.

incywincybitofa · 07/09/2016 00:08

At the end of the day you have to be able to trust the person or people you leave your child with.
You don't trust her- so the arrangement wont work.

She left your child alone to get herself a coffee and maybe a drink for your child- or by her account left your child with someone you do not know who then forgot she was looking after your child and walked off. Even by her account you don't need to contact the friend, what is the point either act is gross misconduct.

I imagine this will have shaken you to the core, BUT good childcare is out there, and it is far better to find that good care with a near miss like this rather than something more scary for your DD.

SandyY2K · 07/09/2016 00:55

You've done the right thing in telling her not to come back. Leaving your DD like that was outrageous. Thank heavens your friend saw this.

I've had a nanny before when my DCs were younger and she was very good, but I can understand how you feel unable to trust after this.

Did you find her through an Agency? If so then contact agency and let them know. If your friend is willing to put everything in writing that will also help. This nanny shouldn't be working with children from a safeguarding point of view.

PterodactylToenails · 07/09/2016 01:33

Thank goodness your friend was there. I would have definitely dismissed her too, there is no room for second chances when it comes to the safety of my child!

Atenco · 07/09/2016 02:51

I am usually someone who takes the side of an employee and have never been accused of being overprotective with my dd, but I'm so glad your dd is well and that you have fired this woman. Who in their right minds does that?

Back in the days just after the second world war my aunt had a babysitter for her twin babies. After a couple of months she found out that the babysitter was spending that time on buses, flirting with the drivers, having left the babies at home alone. It takes all sorts.

CheerfulYank · 07/09/2016 04:05

That's horrific. I've been a nanny and am now a CM and it's just so totally out of the realm of what anyone would do. Shocking!

cexuwaleozbu · 07/09/2016 05:27

she gets a verbal then written warning before dismissal unless it is gross misconduct ie. neglecting the child. She has only been with us for around a month so is still on her probation period.

I have just messaged the Nanny and told her to not bother coming back angry I am also dismissing her without pay as I strongly believe she is lying about what has happened

You are quite right to sack her because this was a terrible incident of abandoning a 3yo child - anything could have happened and it is so lucky that your friend found your child.

Because she is still on probation you can sack for any reason or no reason.

BUT it is unreasonable to sack anyone by text message under any circumstances. Face to face verbally followed up by a formal letter, or just a formal letter. The letter doesn't have to be detailed and indeed shouldn't be.

And can you clarify why you mean by without pay? If you haven't paid her for hours of work while she was with you, you are on very dodgy ground. Usually the terms if probation are for 1 week's notice either way - does her contract specify this? You do indeed have good reason to suspect she has been lying but such suspicions do not absolve you of your obligation to pay for work done - she could take you to court for not paying her. Better to pay for all hours performed so far plus a week's pay in lieu of notice then this whole sorry mess can be put behind you.

Original poster
alwaystimeforgin · 07/09/2016 07:13

Cexuwaleo I have paid her for the hours that she has done already but becuase she is still on probation I don't have to pay her notice. Given what has happened, it is gross misconduct. She has neglected my child and left her in a public space alone. When I spoke to her at my home, I told her that her behaviour was completely unacceptable and that we were not going to continue employing her as our nanny. I then emailed her that evening to say that after some thinking from my end it would be better if we just parted ways now as the trust for me is completely gone. Have I been out of line for saying that? Blush

I found her on a childcare page which I have now reported her to. Just makes me feel sick what might have happened and I am definitely going to be a very tough interviewer from now on. If any professional nannies would like to pm me any tips on what I should be asking/ looking for in a nanny then I would appreciate the help Smile

OP posts:
trafalgargal · 07/09/2016 07:48

You need to sack her formally in writing, a text won't cut it and if she were to sue you for her notice money makes you look like a poor employer to a court without a paper trail. I'd also ask your friend to write a brief statement of what happened and date and sign it, just in case it is needed in the future.

trafalgargal · 07/09/2016 07:51

Did you follow up on her references ? Surely anyone can put themselves on "a childcare page" on line. Maybe use an agency next time as this was such a false economy.

MoreCoffeeNow · 07/09/2016 07:51

I really cannot understand why she thought it would be ok. She seems to have completely lost the plot.

TheLaundryLady · 07/09/2016 07:56

OP you have done exactly the right thing in dismissing her. Thank goodness that your friend saw your DD.
Write your ex nanny a formal letter stating that you are dismissing her with immediate effect due to gross misconduct and your grounds for doing so.

SandyY2K · 07/09/2016 08:22

I think to cover your back it would be good to confirm her dismissal in writing detailing the reasons.

Keep a copy for your records as well.

People mentioned following up references ... if this area of neglect wasn't caught by the OPs friend, she would have gone on to get a good ref from the OP.

CalmItKermitt · 07/09/2016 08:40

You did the right thing. Mind boggling that she thought it would be OK to leave such a little one.

Original poster
alwaystimeforgin · 07/09/2016 09:05

I did follow up her references. I spoke to two people saying how great she was with their children and one of them said she had been with them for 10 years Shock I don't know how genuine these were though as I suppose I could have been talking to anyone Confused In future, how would I check the references were genuine? Sorry I am a bit clueless with what I should be doing now!

Great idea to follow up with a letter. My friend is also writing an account about what she saw. I don't think she would sue to be honest as I think in her heart she knew she was in the wrong. I mean she couldn't possibly have thought this was a sensible thing to do?! Also incredibly reassuring that other parents and nannies have told me that this is definitely not the "done" thing because most people are not stupid

OP posts:
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