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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL Daily visit

50 replies

Pissedoffrightly · 05/09/2016 20:21

I have just finish a 12 hour shift and came home to the MIL sat on the couch...thats every night for the past 2 weeks shes been round.
Dp feels sorry for her coz shes lonely but im just getting pissed off now. She expects to be waited on hand and foot. She cant even take her cup out when its empty...
Its causing tension now coz im not hiding my feelings about her being here but Dp thinks im being nasty...aibu to want to come home and relax not be MIL bloody carer

OP posts:
Spiderpigspiderpig · 05/09/2016 20:25

I'd bloody hate anyone (except dh/dc) in the house when I come in from work. I'm shattered, don't want to talk and just get on with stuff that needs doing.
Yanbu.

ImperialBlether · 05/09/2016 20:26

I would really hate that. Why can't you tell her in a very sharp voice to take her things into the kitchen? And why can't she go home before you get home?

winewolfhowls · 05/09/2016 20:29

Keep suggesting your dh get her brews, cook her favourite tea, etc. He will soon get sick of it and deter her from coming!

Arfarfanarf · 05/09/2016 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pissedoffrightly · 05/09/2016 20:31

She waits for me so she can have some of our tea. I do tell her to take her cup out but Dp tells me sometimes i can be horrible to her...im tired and last thing i want is to run round after her and Dp while she sits in the back getting a bit of fresh air

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Arfarfanarf · 05/09/2016 20:33

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Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 05/09/2016 20:34

Make some plans for after work. Maybe when dh is stuck with her every night on his own he will do something about her!! Or get him to meet you for tea after work!!

ifipop · 05/09/2016 20:36

Every night start coming in say a quick hello then go upstairs and run yourself a hot bath and stay in it relaxing for ages. They will soon get the hint. If they want to eat they will have to make it themselves.

mrsfuzzy · 05/09/2016 20:37

sorry, but it's my night off, in from work and having a long bath / washing my socks / watching a crap movie upstairs.
if he likes his mums company so much may be he should visit her from time to time, don't pander to him or her. she might be lonely but that is not your problem to play hostess every night, what happened two weeks ago to start this lark ?

Sierra259 · 05/09/2016 20:42

Agree with pp. Quick, pleasant hello then up to a nice relaxing bath, preferably with a takeaway for one you've picked up on the way home.......

Rainbunny · 05/09/2016 20:43

So let me get this right, you come home exhausted after a 12 hours shift to find your MIL and your DP already cosy and relaxing and you are meant to bring her cups of tea? Your DP isn't jumping up to offer you a cup of tea when you step through the door? Screw that! It sounds like she's moved in practically. I'd start running a hot bath and enjoy a glass of wine and a book every time I came home to find her there. And I'd be having some words with my DP about his laziness and your right to some privacy in your own home.

Original poster
Pissedoffrightly · 05/09/2016 20:44

Thanks for all your replies...i know its my Dps fault as she phones him and asks to come round and he says yes...SIL has started taking nephews to football and so isnt in when MIL phones to go round there...apparently i dont work as hard as Dp or SIL so i should make it up by running round after her

OP posts:
Original poster
Pissedoffrightly · 05/09/2016 20:46

Bath is running as i speak...lots of bubbles. I have left the dishes in the sink so unless one of them do them...they will still be there 2moro

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 05/09/2016 20:47

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MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 05/09/2016 20:47

If he's home before you why the hell hasn't he got the dinner on? Bollocks to that, especially after 12 hours! Put him straight, in front of her, and leave them to it.

StopMakingMeLogOn · 05/09/2016 20:47

I wouldn't do any of the waiting it out stuff and hoping they'll take the hint. I would have a very honest discussion with my dp about personal space and my need for it (in the early days of my relationship with dh, I had to have this conversation too). It doesn't need to be nasty or anti mil but you do need to have it if you want to preserve any kind of relationship with either of them going forward.

You have chosen to live with him, not her amd if he isn't willing to respect that it is your home too and you are entitled to come home and not have visitore every night then you might want to reconsider living with him.

Arfarfanarf · 05/09/2016 20:48

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Original poster
Pissedoffrightly · 05/09/2016 20:50

She told me i dont work as hard as they do one day when she was being her usual pleasant self...i work 30 plus hours a week, and go to college...

OP posts:
redisthenewblack · 05/09/2016 20:50

Can you suddenly come down with a communicable disease that would be just awful if she caught?

clam · 05/09/2016 20:51

You know that old MN phrase: you don't just have a mil problem, you have a dh problem.

Secretmetalfan · 05/09/2016 20:52

I'd be telling your DH to go visit his mother

Original poster
Pissedoffrightly · 05/09/2016 20:52

I dont speak to my mum , we had a fall out over 3years ago but i could always ask my nan to come and camp 😀...

OP posts:
Arfarfanarf · 05/09/2016 20:52

This reply has been deleted

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Arfarfanarf · 05/09/2016 20:53

This reply has been deleted

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SanityClause · 05/09/2016 20:53

Discuss the cooking with your DP. How often do you work? Perhaps he could cook the days you work, or something?

Then you could swan in after work, and tell them you're really tired, and you're going upstairs for a bath or nap before dinner, and to let you know when it's ready.

When DP is doing the cooking and general hosting, he might be less keen, but either way, you get a nap, and a bit of time to yourself.

I'm guessing you have no DC, from your posts?

How do you see this panning out into the future? What will change so she isn't coming over for dinner in 20 years time?

It seems to me SIL has found an excuse to be unavailable, and now it's your turn.