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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL Daily visit

50 replies

Pissedoffrightly · 05/09/2016 20:21

I have just finish a 12 hour shift and came home to the MIL sat on the couch...thats every night for the past 2 weeks shes been round.
Dp feels sorry for her coz shes lonely but im just getting pissed off now. She expects to be waited on hand and foot. She cant even take her cup out when its empty...
Its causing tension now coz im not hiding my feelings about her being here but Dp thinks im being nasty...aibu to want to come home and relax not be MIL bloody carer

OP posts:

Original poster

Pissedoffrightly · 05/09/2016 20:54

Dp knows im coming to the end of my paitence...
SIL has the right idea imo...i have a 13year old and his football starts tomorrow so hopefully i will have a quiet nice stand on the touch line...

OP posts:

NapQueen · 05/09/2016 20:54

Why are you cooking if he is home first?

Rainbunny · 05/09/2016 20:55

Sounds like your life would be a lot less complicated without her or your DP in it!

ifipop · 05/09/2016 20:55

Yes please discuss the cooking with your DP you absolutely should not be doing it all and running around after his mother.

Original poster

Pissedoffrightly · 05/09/2016 21:00

I would move my nan in if i could...i agree it would be less hassle without them both being in it...i work 5 days a week.

OP posts:

AdoraBell · 05/09/2016 21:04

Yes, yes, YES, get your nan round and then when you get in the two of you sit and have a right giggle/natter while DP spends quality time with his DM.

Greydog · 05/09/2016 21:15

Does she come round and expect you to cook her tea? Find out what she hates and cook that. My exMil hated curry - we had that, and she stopped coming round except when invited

Original poster

Pissedoffrightly · 05/09/2016 21:18

Haha i will try that...will also speak to Dp over the weekend when i have more chance to sit down and explain the way i feel about his mum coming round all the time. Thanks for all the replies and ideas will take them all in and use accordingly 😀

OP posts:

DoreenLethal · 05/09/2016 21:22

Why is your dinner not ready for you when you get in?

totalrecall1 · 05/09/2016 21:25

That is horrendous. It would really piss me off. Your DP should be more understanding.

Original poster

Pissedoffrightly · 05/09/2016 21:28

It never is, when i get home Ds is out, Dp normally gets in about half an hour to an hour b4 me. Its just the way its always been

OP posts:

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 05/09/2016 21:29

Even if you were not going out to work she doesnt have the right to comment like that. After that I would just blank her but that's me 😬

babyboomersrock · 05/09/2016 21:44

Dp normally gets in about half an hour to an hour b4 me. Its just the way its always been

Well, it's time it changed, OP. That's ridiculous - he just sits there like a helpless child waiting for you to come home and feed him? And now his mother's joining the dinner queue?

Tell them it stops now. If he wants his mother to eat with you (and I'd be limiting that!), he and she can do the cooking.

ThreeSheetsToTheWind · 05/09/2016 21:52

You know what, I'm in my 60's, I was born a 'people pleaser' brought up to be a 'people pleaser'!. I've been through an abusive marriage, 4 lots of counselling, seen a psychiatrist, I'm only just learning to live my life. I had my MIL every holiday, every single holiday! She wasn't all that bad I guess, after reading some threads here, but I had no choice... My dear, you get one life. Please think about how you want to live it. You are not responsible for others happiness, you are only responsible for yours. If your partner does not enhance your happiness he is not the one for you.

Atenco · 05/09/2016 22:14

Dp normally gets in about half an hour to an hour b4 me. Its just the way its always been

You need to study up a bit of feminism. You work 30 hours a week and study and are expected to do everything around the house?

Cherrysoup · 05/09/2016 22:20

He should get tea on. He should go to his mum's once a week, she can come round if you're happy. I'd be raging if someone who wasn't my DH was always there when I got home and DH knows and supports this, he's the same!

You need a serious chat saying how you feel, you're tired, last thing you want is to see her every single fucking day.

GabsAlot · 05/09/2016 23:52

you have a dp problem

tell him but if it doesnt change just wlak in go upstairs and ignore ethem

Yorkieheaven · 06/09/2016 00:11

Why do you put up with this?

DoreenLethal · 06/09/2016 08:20

It never is, when i get home Ds is out, Dp normally gets in about half an hour to an hour b4 me.

Yes and that is the time he needs in order to cook food.

justilou · 06/09/2016 08:42

Maybe call her at lunchtime and tell her what you want her to provide for dinner?

TheNaze73 · 06/09/2016 08:45

Your DP is totally the issue here, not the MIL. Would he be so tolerant, if the situation was reversed?? I very much doubt it

Fluffyears · 06/09/2016 08:54

I would go in and sit and say 'right so I take it dinner won't be long, what have you made?'. You need to get home to realise if his bloody free-loading mother wants to eat then he cooks. I'd not lift a finger when she's there as she's not your guest, she is his.

SandyY2K · 06/09/2016 08:55

She told me i dont work as hard as they do one day when she was being her usual pleasant self...i work 30 plus hours a week, and go to college...

You see this right here would have been the end of my interaction with her. The damn cheek.

After a 12 hour shift you're the one cooking as well. Why do some people not realise a daily visit is way too much.

It makes you want to run away from your own house.

takesnoprisoners · 06/09/2016 09:06

I wouldn't care if my MIL is in my house when I get back. But I WILL NOT wait on her or make her tea! I will get her to make it for me. :D A week of that and she will stop coming in.

Vintagegirl1 · 06/09/2016 10:04

Yanbu! I had a similiar situation with my in laws. Various threads over the years about how we had to visit them every sunday and they would come to our house every week too (while dh at work) and sit for hours. I hated it but dh wouldn't put a stop to it as it meant he didn't get ear ache for not visiting/phoning them. I eventually came to my senses and have been nc with in laws for 2 years..much happier.

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