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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be a bit resentful about my friend?

144 replies

happyvalley4 · 05/09/2016 09:40

I have a really good friend. We've been very close for 20 years.

She's recently started selling the Forever Living Aloe products and has been a real pain.

She's always messaging me about buying the products and when I do (I've spent about £200 already!) she's bugging me about getting my other friends to buy as well.

I've now agreed to hold a party for her and invited some of my friends. I'll have to lay on drinks and nibbles and all I'll get is 15% off the price of one item. And to be honest I don't even want to buy anything!

But that isn't enough she's now messaged me to rope in another 8 people to start the C9 diet which costs £100!! I could probably sell it if I make enough effort but why should I?

But then I feel mean because she is my friend and I would do anything for her

So AIBU to not help my friend any further? And do you have any advice about how to handle the situation going forwards?

(By the way I am self employed so as well as being a mum I also have my own business to run)

OP posts:

Dieu · 12/09/2016 19:59

I hate this. People relying on the goodwill of others, in order to make money. Not right.

mrsteapot83 · 12/09/2016 20:00

Online parties are the biggest cringe-fest in history.

It's all a bit embarrassing really.

And if she wasn't selling it she wouldn't buy it, it's over priced rubbish. Why would you force your friends to pay high end prices for low end tat? Not a real friend, that's for sure!

purpleshortcake · 12/09/2016 20:31

You know what,,. if it's something I can easily afford and am interested in trying than I would rather buy from a friend than from a multi-national. I think parties are fine as long as people are not "duped" and it's made clear what the evening is about, turning up for fizz and nibbles to be presented with a range of sex toys or cooking equipment is not on! If you feel like your friend is putting pressure on you to purchase more just put some boundaries in place....I don't think I'll re- order until after Christmas now ..or ..I've found a product that suits my skin better. A real friend won't jeopardise your friendship by harping on if you've made it clear. The fact you've supported her so well up to now means that she will probably keep asking until you say no. Good luck. Not worth losing a friend over unless she keeps pushing after you've said no

Cagliostro · 12/09/2016 20:38

£200 wow.
I have a couple of FB friends selling various things but I just ignore those posts (apart from an Usborne seller who does amazing sales)

fastdaytears · 12/09/2016 20:42

You know what,,. if it's something I can easily afford and am interested in trying than I would rather buy from a friend than from a multi-national

Forever Living is a multi-national.

debbs77 · 12/09/2016 21:01

I don't do forever but I do do two others. And earn a very good income from it.

purpleshortcake · 12/09/2016 21:19

Fastdaytears..sorry bad choice of words on my part..I know that MLM companies are multi-nationals but if I buy something from a friend then I am helping them out in their business (in a small way) rather than if I bought a similar product from a traditional company. I know that the "guys at the top" profit far more than my friend would but if I can support a friend in a small way then I would (and have). If I didn't want to buy something a friend was selling I would have no problem saying no.

purpleshortcake · 12/09/2016 21:20

MyCatsHateMLMtoo · 13/09/2016 08:00

"I don't do forever but I do do two others. And earn a very good income from it."

Can you qualify that?

What companies, Debbs? Are they on this list on the BotWatchBlog website, about a quarter down the page? (started by a mumsnetter)

Do you recruit?

Do you have to "pay to play?" (all MLM companies ensure success by making their reps customers buy £££ in products every month to qualify for 'promotions').

How many hours a day/week do you work? (there is plenty of evidence that reps spend alot of time every waking moment trying to recruit others or sell products).

What about expenses? For example, 'success days' cost a lot in time and money and MLM companies expect their reps to pay for everything, even coffee or tea!

Do you have to make medical claims? MLM companies officially say that their products are not tested so don't make claims, but I can show you evidence by the bucketload where they do, and exploit sick and desperate people into buying overpriced crap.

debbs77 · 13/09/2016 12:10

I don't sell health care products. No issue there.

I don't buy excess products, I use my kits, I send samples. I keep my commission. I actually qualified for a cruise earlier this year. I don't hassle people, I do have a team, but don't push them for sales to gain my own promotions. I guide them into warning money for themselves.

I'm not arguing over it. But it works for me

MerylPeril · 13/09/2016 12:26

If you can't cancel the party I would message the friends you have invited and tell them what it's for exactly and they are under no obligation to come or spend any money.

If you aren't a good route for sales she may lose interest in asking. And don't buy anymore, say 'I've got loads unused already thanks'.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 13/09/2016 12:54

YNBU. There's nothing worse than being pressured into doing something you don't feel able and confident to do.
She decided to take on the roll of selling for them (forever living), you didn't. It's not your responsibility. Just say. "No". You're allowed to.

FuzzyOwl · 13/09/2016 13:24

And how many friends have you lost, or been distanced from, because they now have a lower opinion of you, debbs?

HopefulHamster · 13/09/2016 14:02

I am holding a party for a different type of product this week. Really regretting saying yes.

I did it because I like the product and want the discount/freebies for myself, but on inviting people realised how pushy it all sounds. They actually don't have to buy anything (for me to get my bits), but they will won't they, British politeness at work? I have told them what it is up front though and I won't host one again :-/

debbs77 · 13/09/2016 17:27

How rude FuzzyOwl.

If I've lost friends because they can see I'm building a business, providing for my children on my own, then they aren't my friends

Mycatsabastard · 13/09/2016 17:44

Has anyone been on the FL website and looked at the prices of their stuff? Nearly £10 for a 60ml bottle of juice stuff. I'm not sure if you drink it or wear it mind!

I was talking to someone socially when out once and I can't even remember what we were talking about but this woman butted in and asked me if I'd like to sell FL. I had no idea who she was but clearly she was desperate to get people on board if she was accosting strangers.

I have also had to distance myself from 2 people who just bang on about FL constantly. The worst one is always posting those Inspirational memes about your office being on the beach along with eleventy million hashtags like #lovemylife #independentwoman #workingfromhome #lovemykids #networkingwithwomen etc.

God it's so fucking tedious.

FuzzyOwl · 13/09/2016 17:51

debbs

If I've lost friends because they can see I'm building a business, providing for my children on my own, then they aren't my friends

Absolutely. However, if you have lost friends because you have harassed them, made them feel uncomfortable, they have felt obliged to pay things they don't want or cannot afford etc., they I would say that you were not their friend in the first place.

I appreciate that you are very defensive about this, which is the usual reaction for when someone hits on a nerve or conscience. I wasn't intending to be rude, merely genuinely interested in how many people you don't have the same level of friendship or contact with now because surely that should be telling about how you come across and now you market yourself.

BodsAuntieFlo · 13/09/2016 17:59

I've had a few friends trying to sell me that forever living stuff as well as bloody Jamberry nail things and inviting me to online parties. The party invites were declined and emails sent requesting they do not ask me to buy the shite their selling. If I want something I'm capable enough of choosing it myself without being tagged in the benefits of poxy nail wraps. If I want a manicure I go to a salon to have it done thank you very much. The younique sellers annoy me too. I'm happy with my chosen mascara and really don't wish to try the super fibre rubbish. I get sick of the shite #selfemployedmummy #working from home bollocks and people end up blocked and deleted. I've made it very clear to friends they can sell that crap if they like, just don't ask me to buy it, try to recruit me to sell it or ask me to have parties.

MyCatsHateMLMtoo · 13/09/2016 22:32

And the memes that ridicule people who have J.O.B.s (Just Over Broke) and leave their children in childcare are really offensive too.

What other type of business relies on exploiting family and friends in order to function? None. Only MLM.

Debbs, if it is not health care products, what are your MLM businesses selling recruiting for?

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