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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a bit resentful about my friend?

144 replies

happyvalley4 · 05/09/2016 09:40

I have a really good friend. We've been very close for 20 years.

She's recently started selling the Forever Living Aloe products and has been a real pain.

She's always messaging me about buying the products and when I do (I've spent about £200 already!) she's bugging me about getting my other friends to buy as well.

I've now agreed to hold a party for her and invited some of my friends. I'll have to lay on drinks and nibbles and all I'll get is 15% off the price of one item. And to be honest I don't even want to buy anything!

But that isn't enough she's now messaged me to rope in another 8 people to start the C9 diet which costs £100!! I could probably sell it if I make enough effort but why should I?

But then I feel mean because she is my friend and I would do anything for her

So AIBU to not help my friend any further? And do you have any advice about how to handle the situation going forwards?

(By the way I am self employed so as well as being a mum I also have my own business to run)

OP posts:
Spiderpigspiderpig · 05/09/2016 10:12

Why is she not holding the party at her own house?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 05/09/2016 10:15

Worried about jeopardising your friendship by drawing back, okay, so when did the two of you have a chat with no mention of her venture or fix a diary date for anything other than a money making opportunity? She is using you. You've encouraged her and helped out already. She might get defensive and say she won't take up any more of your time which will be a sign she only wants that part of you that buys her products or fixes up selling events.

BoffinMum · 05/09/2016 10:17

Tupperware parties, Pampered Chef, Cabuchon Jewellery, Avon, that gift wrap and greetings card company that FB people try to get you buying, Dorling Kindersley book sales ... all ways of manipulating women's social relationships in a way I absolutely do not like.

If your friend wants money tell her to get herself a proper job.

EssentialHummus · 05/09/2016 10:18

"I want your friendship, not your business."

You may also find some of your other friends distancing themselves from you if they feel you're using them to sell this crap (which you are, by inviting them).

Say no. Lie. Blame a sudden spike in work, or family commitments, but don't do it.

BoffinMum · 05/09/2016 10:19

Actually I had a friend of mine bound up and bang on about Aloe franchises recently, like she had joined a new religion. It must be the New Thing. It was supposed to cure osteoarthritis in some kind of Dr Who regeneration scenario and when I started asking for evidence DH kicked me und the table. Grin

SestraClone · 05/09/2016 10:21

Read this, op, then help your friend get out if you think you can.

botwatchblog.wordpress.com/2016/06/21/directory-of-mlm-information/

Piscivorus · 05/09/2016 10:25

Could you just do this party as you have agreed to it but after this tell her that you have asked your friends for her and they are not interested. That way it is not you refusing outright but she will hopefully get bored and target more rewarding groups of people

MrsJayy · 05/09/2016 10:27

I swear these schemes have some sort of brainwashing machine the turn perfectly normal people into loons its all very culty. I had a friend who was into 1 scheme or another for years each 1 nuttier than the last i bought nothing she got weird with me was very odd, you have to stop buying say my friends are not that interested and be honest £200 is a lot of money its not fair to inflict that on other friends.

iseenodust · 05/09/2016 10:32

I would say something along the lines of 'I wish you luck in your new business and know you appreciate I already have my own business to run so while I'm happy to host one party I can't start selling. It's important for me to give a clear message to my clients/friends that I am focussed on my product/service.'

NightWanderer · 05/09/2016 10:39

Seriously, don't do the party, don't buy any more stuff off her. Because if you do the party, then it'll be just one, then one more, and you'll get sucked further in. These pyramid schemes rely on exploiting friends and taking advantage of people too nice to say no. Just be honest, say you don't want to do it. A true friend would understand.

FetchezLaVache · 05/09/2016 10:44

I think once people get sucked in, they cease to be the person they once were... I have a friend who's really into it, networks with other bots and thinks it's The Future. You just can't have a conversation with him any more. When I told him that DS had been diagnosed with autism, he replied that he knew someone who sells a product that'll cure it... I haven't spoken to him since, it's just not worth the arse-ache.

I hope your friend comes back!

Arfarfanarf · 05/09/2016 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blitzgirl · 05/09/2016 10:46

I tried selling these products for a while and they put you under extreme pressure to sell, recruit, promote etc. I started to feel like I was losing friends and in the end I realised that no company is worth ruining friendships over. If I was your friend I would appreciate being told how you feel about the whole thing. I would rather my friends be honest with me than feel like they needed to avoid me or cut contact. If she is a true friend she will understand. Say you will be there for her but explain that you really don't want to be involved with her 'business' anymore.

MrsJayy · 05/09/2016 10:47

Some potion cures Autism Shock

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 05/09/2016 10:49

You don't mix business and pleasure. She's your friend not your business partner.

She's not bothered about jeopardising your friendship by taking your money and pressurising you into selling for her now is she?

You asked how to handle it. Well, you've agreed to do the party so you've got to do that.

You could save 100% on the bonus item at the end by not buying it at all, even though it is 15% off. Tell her you spent your budget on the drinks and nibbles, you don't need any of the products so you'll pass on the discounted item. If she gets the hump or pressurises you, then you've got a friend problem and you might have to be a bit more blunt (with a smile) about you having a budget and it not being right to pressure you.

C9 diet. Cheeky mare. Now you can definitely have a little go at her about that! Tell her you'd rather do Slimming World, she's a right cheeky cow for suggesting you go on a diet, and you would never in a million years contact a bunch of friends suggesting they go on a diet.

Anything in the future, I think you can play the don't mix friendships and business card. You were happy to help her out right at the start by buying stuff you didn't really need and by doing the party but it is time to keep the businesses and the friendships separate for the sake of keeping the friendship which you value greatly.

They'll be brainwashing her so expect her to still be pushy. You might have to step back from the friendship a little until she realises it is all a big scam and she won't ever make megabucks. Then be a good friend and help pick her up again after the crash.

WeetabixLorry · 05/09/2016 10:50

When I told him that DS had been diagnosed with autism, he replied that he knew someone who sells a product that'll cure it... Yep, the one time I mistakenly went to one of these 'parties' (thought it was just going to be a normal social gathering) the rep claimed it could do everything from healing sick horses and pets to curing cancer! WTF!?

I would urge you to cancel the party. You might end up with even more of your friends getting roped into the con! It's either that, or they'll be judging you for holding one of these crappy parties...

You can always wish your friend luck with it but just say something vague like "sorry it's not really my kind of thing, lets meet for coffee some time though" - basically try to redirect the friendship back to normal friend activities rather than selling and marketing!

MorrisZapp · 05/09/2016 10:51

I'm in a similar boat with my lovely, kind SIL. She has started to sell high end, branded beauty products and she knows I spend plenty on the kind of stuff she sells. I just really don't want to buy it from her.

It's very stylish, pinterest worthy type stuff and I feel like such a grinch but now I see on fb that she's been to a 'business event' in Sheffield and met lots of 'inspiring women'. Sigh.

It's a conversation I really really don't want to have to have with her. So far she hasn't pressurised me at all but I'm sure it's coming.

MrsJayy · 05/09/2016 10:55

Oh somebody on my facebook was at some selling seminar recently for make up it empowers women in business apparently

FuzzyOwl · 05/09/2016 11:01

I agree that she is using you, which isn't what friendship is about.

Do be wary about this party because you don't want to alienate the friends you have invited to it. Just make sure you don't end up falling out with your FL friend and all the party friends don't back away from you as well because they will associate you with MLM too.

Cocklodger · 05/09/2016 11:01

I have absolutely 0 issue with multi level marketing if it is done right.
A very dear school friend of mine has done very well out of it (Went from a single mum on benefits to company car+ thousands a month) however many don't do so well and I think that as long as you're realistic about your expectations and workload and don't get yourself into debt you'll be fine, I'd never do it without a second income (A partner/'real' job to fall back on) because things are so variable and uncertain but I have no issue with it in itself.
Nor do I have an issue with supporting friends by buying a product via them rather than a store if the price/reviews are good and it has everything I need.
But.
I have a fucking huge problem with people who think its ok to guilt friends into spending their hard earned ££££.
Case and point. I quite like ActiDerm/Actilabs products (their name changed and I can't remember which way around it is).
Friend 1: Spammed me, daily, about joining her team even though I wasn't interested. Told me I had to buy as she had no food on the table and if I don't buy that day then she wouldn't get paid for it on the following Friday.
I declined.
Friend 2: spoke to me as she always has, in the same way that I'd mention work related stuff she'd mention doing events, We'd recommend each other products (Sometimes Acti, sometimes not!) above all she was still my FRIEND not just a random salesperson who knows where I live and can text/fb me.
When I wanted to place an order that was over £400 (all of the products I really wanted to try) friend 2 was the one I ordered from...
If you give into them acting like beggers (Essentially you are) 1 of 3 things will happen.

  1. They will stop doing it when the realize they are making nothing with their tactics.
  2. They will change their tactics (Don't think I've ever seen this but can happen i suppose)
  3. The hardest one for a friend to watch, they'll get themselves thousands of pounds in debt to carry it going, they'll get more and more desperate and have a break down :(
thecatfromjapan · 05/09/2016 11:06

The friends you've invited to the party at your house are going to be really pissed off with you. I would be. As a previous poster (Honey) said, they will not be happy being put in the position of being subtly coerced into buying things they don't want - out of loyalty to you - and they will be subtly avoiding being put in this position again and feel really cross you did it to them in the first place.

Your friend has crossed a line getting you to organise this party. The pressure and awkwardness you feel around her, you have now passed on to 8 of your friends - and they feel that way about you, not her.

I'd cancel the party, to be honest.

Taytocrisps · 05/09/2016 11:06

I think you've already been more than supportive. £200 is a lot of money to spend on items you probably don't want or need. Since you've already committed to hosting the party, I'd go ahead with it but then I would draw a line and say, "No more". It's her business, not yours. Why isn't she hosting the party herself?

MoreCoffeeNow · 05/09/2016 11:06

I agree. Cancel the party, it will tarnish your friendship with others.

pictish · 05/09/2016 11:10

Another who thinks you need to call a halt to the whole thing. You will annoy the fuck out of people with the Forever Living shit and the diet and whatever else. You'd not see me for dust.
Leave her to get on with it alone and close down any conversation surrounding it. It's the only way...these people are fucking persistent.

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 05/09/2016 11:12

Don't do it!