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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a bit resentful about my friend?

144 replies

happyvalley4 · 05/09/2016 09:40

I have a really good friend. We've been very close for 20 years.

She's recently started selling the Forever Living Aloe products and has been a real pain.

She's always messaging me about buying the products and when I do (I've spent about £200 already!) she's bugging me about getting my other friends to buy as well.

I've now agreed to hold a party for her and invited some of my friends. I'll have to lay on drinks and nibbles and all I'll get is 15% off the price of one item. And to be honest I don't even want to buy anything!

But that isn't enough she's now messaged me to rope in another 8 people to start the C9 diet which costs £100!! I could probably sell it if I make enough effort but why should I?

But then I feel mean because she is my friend and I would do anything for her

So AIBU to not help my friend any further? And do you have any advice about how to handle the situation going forwards?

(By the way I am self employed so as well as being a mum I also have my own business to run)

OP posts:
pudcat · 05/09/2016 15:57

You must tell your friends what the party is for. If you don't you will lose your friends and your selling friend will not care. Simplest way out is to cancel the party and tell your selling friend that no one accepted your invitation because they did not want to be coerced into buying crap products.

CoraPirbright · 05/09/2016 17:13

Urrrgh your friends will be fed up with you when they realise the real purpose of the party is to pressure them into buying crap they dont want. I would seriously cancel the party - you really don't want to affect your friendships on behalf of your FL mate.

Memoires · 05/09/2016 18:56

I wnet to a party of a similar nature. I did buy something, but only because it was convenient as I was going to buy something like it anyway, and buying it at the party got me a discount. I vaguely knew the seller, and vaguely knew the hostess.

I then got nagged and nagged to hold a party myself (but not to buy more products, interestingly).

I didn't hold a party. Eventually they both gave up on me as a source of income, though I do still see them around and we always have a pleasant chat, but that's it.

I think that doing the party is enough, even for a very close friend. She'll have to get used to 'no' in that sort of business, so when you say it she should take it on the chin and separate her private life from her business anyway.

Arfarfanarf · 05/09/2016 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Becky546 · 05/09/2016 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StylishDuck · 05/09/2016 19:52

My SIL has just started something similar. I have no intention of getting involved. You need to be polite but firm. It's not your thing, you're not interested in the products, you don't want to get involved any more. Repeat as often as required.

You have my sympathy. I don't understand how so many people get sucked into these pyramid schemes.

MatildaTheCat · 05/09/2016 19:54

Have you invited friends already and if so, what, honestly was their reaction? If they were agreeing to come just to be supportive to you look at cancelling because they don't want to come and they really don't want to buy the crappy products.

I agree with the pp who suggested asking your friend what the budget is. Or maybe ask her if she wants to come a bit early to set up her snacks and drinks. If she sounds surprised and says, no, you supply those, you laugh and pretend she is joking. She wants you to provide friends, food and drinks so she can hard seen, make a profit from shit products and annoy all your mates? Er no. Probably best leave it then.

MatildaTheCat · 05/09/2016 19:58

Or...email her and say, ' I am sorry but one of my group read something on the Internet/ Mumsnet about FL and unfortunately she shared it with everyone and now they have decided they don't want to come. Sorry.'

Cherrysoup · 05/09/2016 20:13

I'd be seriously pissed off to have a mate invite me to a 'party' where I'm supposed to buy stuff to line her pockets. I was once invited to an Anne Summers party. The rep was very boring, the products made me cringe, I'd never dream of going again and I didn't buy a thing.

Original poster
happyvalley4 · 05/09/2016 20:44

Have you invited friends already and if so, what, honestly was their reaction? If they were agreeing to come just to be supportive to you look at cancelling because they don't want to come and they really don't want to buy the crappy products.

Yes I've invited the people already. I set up an event on Facebook and said what it was and that they were under no obligation to buy anything. To be honest I'm surprised they agreed to come!

As it's all set up it'll be awkward to cancel.

But the suggestion to ask my friend what the budget is is a good idea.

Thank you for all your help and advice.

And I definitely won't be buying anything else from her!

OP posts:
SlowSwimmingMom · 05/09/2016 21:29

I'd re-locate the party to your local pub - no need for any awkwardness, just be honest with your friend - any decent soul will understand and join you all for a knees up instead .

1sttimedaddy83 · 05/09/2016 21:38

You are a soft touch if you keep buying this crap. A family friend as just started and is trying to get my wife to join, we have tried explaining it is a pyramid scheme but she won't listen. Any advice?

NotMyMoney · 05/09/2016 21:44

You don't need to cancel the party just don't let the user come and make money from your friends

user1473106504 · 05/09/2016 22:02

She should not be pressuring you about this very unfair you have supported her enough

Adarajames · 05/09/2016 22:45

It's over priced crap that isn't natural or even very good quality, these sorts of schemes shouldn't even be legal any more! Keep well out of it!!

Evilstepmum01 · 05/09/2016 23:06

good plan OP! Maybe your friends just fancy some wine?? At least they know!

I'm constantly amazed at these schemes and their ability to turn normal, rational woman into 'business' women who post inspirational statuses about working for themselves, attending conferences on how to sell this crap and constantly inviting me to parties, events/ spamming my fb with adverts that begin with 'ONLY £200'. And #bosswoman, #businesswoman ......stuff.
Ive had to unfriend and block two people for that nonsense. Weirdly, neither are driving the BMW incentive cars or holidaying in Miami because they've sold or recruited the most.

Tallulahoola · 06/09/2016 00:12

If your friends know what it's about and are still happy to come then I'd go ahead with it but make sure you never do another one.

A friend got into FL and started flogging her wares via Facebook. To be fair quite a few people said they thought the products were quite good for their skin, and I do have friends who swear by the C9 thing (but then wouldn't anyone lose weight by living on diet drinks or whatever it is?)

BUT regardless of the products, she atartes behaving as if she was in a cult. Her FB posts were so evangelical they must have been from a script, and she started pissing everyone off by putting up all this stuff about how FL enabled her to be a "stay at home mummy" and not have to go out to an awful job and leave her kids in childcare. It was horrible guilt-tripping aimed at other women and I've seen other MLM bots use the same language (another FB friend has gone mad for the one where they promise you a white Merc, which turns out to be one you're allowed to borrow them gets taken back off you the next month)

SandyY2K · 06/09/2016 08:50

Just tell her it's not your thing and you don't have an interest in it. That should be a clear enough message.

GirlFromTheNorthCountry · 06/09/2016 09:02

There are some very long-running threads on MLMs on MN, they talk about the dodgy way in which these schemes work, essentially the only way anyone makes any money is by signing people up and getting the initial investment off them. The failure rate is huge- essentially 100% of people who sign up end up losing money. They ruin frienships and guilt people into buying crap they don't want in order to support their friends.

The threads are well worth a read if you get a chance, although I think they are up to 23 or 24 now so I appreciate that it would take quite a bit of time!! However, the timeless vie stuff is fantastic and will give you a bit more of a insight into what goes on inside these companies.

My advice is steer clear but reassure your friend that you are there for her for when she eventually comes out the other side.

Greyponcho · 06/09/2016 09:10

willow that quote from the manual... well, I just read that and it really upset me at first, because that was exactly what my Forever Living Product-toting friend said to me when I mentioned my chronic pain condition. I had already distanced myself from this person as it was clear that our friendship, for them, had just become another opportunity for them to make money. I got fed up of the lies they posted all over Facebook about their 'lifestyle' that only FLP can give you (so, not inheritance that paid for your car then? Hmm ) and stupid claims about 'cures'.
I think that distance has now got even bigger...

dowhatnow · 06/09/2016 09:13

You resent your friend putting you in this position. You don't want your other friends resenting you. I know you said that you've said they don't need to buy, but IMO you do feel a bit obligated to go to that sort of thing and then when you are there you do feel the pressure not to be mean.

Just tell your friend you can't get enough people together as they are not keen and you are not going to pressurise them as you feel you've supported her enough already, spending £200 on stuff you don't really need or want. If she takes offence then she's not really that good a friend.

Willow2016 · 06/09/2016 10:31

Greyponcho

Sorry to hear that your ex friend was preying on your ill health. Thats what they are told to do, pick someone with a health condition and promise a miracle cure! Its just sick. There is nothing in their crap that is backed by science (apart from what everybody knows about aloe vera in general, theirs is no better than a big £5 tub from boots!)

There is plenty of evidence of them making things worse for people as they have no medical knowledge at all and when people are on meds they can react to the crap they are selling never mind accecerbate the condition. Read of one of the bots accosting an old man in a bank, telling him how fab her products would be for his chronic condition! Shouldnt be allowed in public places like that without a licence to prescribe medications.

Stay away from that person, they are only after one thing, your money, its so sad that they get so brainwashed by this stuff that nothing else matters. Plus they are desperate to earn the amazing amount of money they were told about and are gutted when they dont appear to be doing that but wont admit it.

Greyponcho · 07/09/2016 08:12

i shouldve seen it coming, when they first started they were asking me for my opinions about their strategies for targeting groups, such as a lupus support group they had somehow wheedled their way into attending (doubt they were ever invited back for a second time!). Frustrates me that someone so intelligent and decent science-based qualifications can fall for this shit.
(Sorry for hijacking your thread, OP!)

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 07/09/2016 08:19

I would do the one party now you've agreed to it, but nothing else, and tell her nicely that you won't be buying any more products. You shouldn't have to give a reason, but could always say you are saving up for X or Y, or wanting to overpay your mortgage, or you need to economise at the moment, or whatever.
I have always hated these 'parties' where you feel obliged to buy something even if there's nothing you want or need. Used to be invited to them when kids were at school, and almost invariably said no thanks, nicely.

FetchezLaVache · 07/09/2016 09:39

Greyponcho and Willow - i don't know if you saw my post upthread about a bot claiming to be able to cure my son's autism, but he later sent a link to a YouTube video with a real live doctor presenting the science behind it. I didn't even click the link, but I can imagine there are many, many people who'd be desperate enough to give these things a shot, on the assumption that "it can't do any harm...".

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