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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask fellow fatties: Is it really you that judges yourself or others?

44 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 04/09/2016 20:02

Inspired by another thread in which people were discussing their insecurities. There was also another thread by a poster whom I can't remember but she'd basically said she was finally like "Fuck it, I'm fat and I embrace it."

So my question is, if you are fat or not, do you really notice someone else's weight?

OP posts:

SabineUndine · 04/09/2016 20:05

I'm obese. This afternoon I went for a long walk (about 6 miles). I got on a bus. A woman looked me up and down and pursed her lips. I thought 'I bet I've had more exercise than you today, so piss off'. Unfortunately as the bus was full of other people, I didn't feel I could say it.

So, yes I notice how I look. Sometimes, however I'm aware of other people judging me.

JaceLancs · 04/09/2016 20:10

I'm fat - I hate it - yo yo dieted all my adult life in my fat periods I beat myself up about my lack of self control
Really I should congratulate myself on not getting any fatter - and making it to the gym regularly for the last 3+ years
I do notice other people's weight usually with envy as I see most people as thinner than me (not true) if they are similar size I usually look at what they're wearing and if it flatters them
If they are bigger than me I sympathise as I've been bigger - it also helps me motivate myself to diet

someonestolemynick · 04/09/2016 20:12

I'm fat, always have been, and made the choice to get on with my life. Best thing I ever did. I don't dress 'fat' and confident enough tobrefer to myself as good looking. It's 90% confidence really.
I get judged very, very rarely... mostly by women, men tend to be to busy trying to get my number.

MyLlamasGoneBananas · 04/09/2016 20:19

I'm fat. I notice other people's weight be a use I'm so aware of my own weight issues.
I have been every size from a 10 to 24. I'm currently 18/20.
I hate myself to be honest. I judge myself every day. I make choices based on Mt lack of self esteem. I don't do some things or wear some clothes because I don't want to draw attention to myself.
I see others weight all the time because I'm just so obsessed. Like the poster above I look with envy at slim people. Bigger people I sympathise with internally but sometimes watch in awe as they seem so confident and happy. I'm always looking at larger people (by larger I mean my size and up) to get fashion/camoflage idea's.
I'm very aware if the prole who judge me. Why do people state and loom you up and down with a face like a slapped arse? Why do people think that's an OK thing to do?
I feel shut enough about myself I don't need others sneering at me as well.
I've been spat at in the past and been shouted at in the street "who ate all the pies". I do have a sense of humour but that was just humiliating.

someonestolemynick · 04/09/2016 20:27

Llamas, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I think the key really is acceptance if yourself. I've read am article which was my turning point: a woman had lost loads of weight and was depressed afterwards because the weightloss hadn't turned her into the amazing person she wanted to be.

Your self-worth is the first place to start. For me developing a confident attitude and realising that I didn't NEED to be slim has turned my life around. I even think I lost some weight because I move more and comfort eat less but I wouldn't know. I don't own scales.

Crunchymum · 04/09/2016 20:31

I am fat. Obese according to my BMI. I'm 5ft 1in and a size 18.

I loathe myself. So I'm not willing to embrace it, I don't want to be this way. I don't want to stay this way, I don't want to accept myself this way.

However I think I judge myself more harshly than anyone else does.

PhoebeGeebee · 04/09/2016 20:35

I guess I'm clinically obese, but I think I look just 'overweight'. Yes, I notice people larger than me but also people smaller than me. Whenever I used to diet and was looking for a reason to fall off the wagon, I'd focus on those people who were big but dressed well, as proof that you don't need to disappear once you're over a certain size.

Since I made the decision not to diet and to refer to myself as 'fucking awesome' instead, I've started to believe it and now find it something of a 'duty' not to lose weight and to prove that you can withstand the constant pressure to be thin.

PortiaFinis · 04/09/2016 20:38

I am definitely fat.

I'm trying to think well of myself and have confidence because I think that one should have confidence in oneself and know your own strengths and beauties.

I also think it might help me lose weight.

I do feel judged sometimes - particularly by my in-laws but then people are often being judged by stuff and certainly I judge them right back - so I try and make it wash off my back.

Doggity · 04/09/2016 20:40

I judge myself far more harshly than anyone else ever has. :( I've had a couple of personal comments but not abuse or real judgement that I can recall.

phillipp · 04/09/2016 20:49

I think some people in the street do judge.

But having been previously very overweight, I think a lot of it was in my head. If anyone looked at me I would assume they were judging my weight. In reality they could have been judging anything or not even judging at all.

I stare into space a lot. While having a coffee in for example. And I am sure people have thought I was looking at them. I wasn't at all.

Drquin · 04/09/2016 20:57

I am overweight, probably obese if I checked the BMI charts.
I've lost just over 4 stone this year and could lose another couple and still not be "slim".

Yes, I notice other people's weight ...... Maybe even make assumptions.

But if I'm honest, and call me btchy or whatever, I also notice their bad hair-dye job or orange make-up or marker-pen eyebrows or I'll-fitting clothes or mismatching pattern clothes or kiddie-cool handbag or old-woman-shoes .....
Or I'll notice their lovely bag or shoes, or well-coiffed hairdo ......

I'm not btchy, honest
But I do think it's only human nature to "notice" a physical attribute of others, either one we admire or is similar to ourselves, or conversely one which is different or at odds with what / who we are.

At my heaviest, others told me I had beautiful skin, that they loved my jewellery or handbag, that I dressed "well". I'm assuming, as they're friends and family, that they weren't lying. However, it would be daft of me to think they'd "noticed" my glowing skin or striking necklace, but "didn't notice" my weight

Drquin · 04/09/2016 20:58

Sorry for the random bold ......

Fluffsnuts · 04/09/2016 21:23

I'm fat. I judge myself. I notice the weight of others, not judging just more comparing and evaluating (in my head).

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 04/09/2016 21:28

I'm pretty confident most of the time so if people are looking me up and down I don't notice it. I have had 'fat cunt' screamed out of a car at me.

I am unhappy with my weight and an finally doing slimming world and running to try and rid myself of the excess. I always notice the size and weight of other women - no exceptions. I'm not as bad as I was, but there was a time when it was pretty obsessive. Not in a horrible way, but just in a 'a bet she weighs 9 stone, wish I was, bet she weighs more than me' type thing.

Pretty exhausting if I'm honest to be constantly comparing yourself to everyone around you. I try not to do it anymore, and I'm much better as I've got happier with myself.

PaperStars · 04/09/2016 22:03

I'm obese basically always have been. I notice others sizes but am often jealous of larger people's confidence compared to mine! I have an interview tomorrow for an NHS job and I've got more qualifications than most that would've applying and 10 years experience in a similar job, I know I've made a good application and I could sell myself but I genuinely feel I won't get the job due to my weight :(

I get so jealous of slim people and generally confident people whatever size

SpookyPotato · 04/09/2016 22:24

I'm fat at the moment and I judge myself far worse than others do... I let it limit my life when in reality no-one cares. I don't judge anyone else, I do notice but that's just a normal human observation I think, but I just don't care enough to judge. Well actually there was a moment where I saw a woman running very fast for an hour on a treadmill who looked about 5 stone, but that was concern.

From this thread I've realised women are looking more than I think!

steff13 · 04/09/2016 22:28

I'm obese. When I see myself I think I look disgusting. When I see other women my size or even larger, I notice their size, but I never think they look gross like I think I do.

vulgarbunting · 04/09/2016 22:43

I'm not fat, a size 10, bang in the middle of my bmi. But I think that everyone is thinner than me, and have little self confidence in my body. My closest group of friends all dress and behave far more confidently than me, and so I always think they are thinner (appreciate this sounds weird!). But then I look carefully at photos and realise they aren't.

GobblersKnob · 04/09/2016 22:49

I'm not what a lot of people would call fat, very tall size 12, but I hate my body shape. I don't really think other people judge me, and tbh I don't really care what other people think, but I hate myself, judge myself, and am very mean to myself over it and that is not good.

I don't judge anyone else for their size and don't really even 'see' it iykwim, people are just people in all kinds of people shapes and sizes.

Cherrysoup · 04/09/2016 22:56

I'm morbidly obese, starting a new job tomorrow. I know fine well that people will see the fat first then everything else. I met all of my colleagues last week and immediately noticed the other two women who are my size. I judge myself, I hate my weight, of course it's the first thing people notice, like skin colour, or disability or anything else visually obvious. Saying that, I couldn't care less if someone is fat, I'm not going to judge them because I don't know if they have medical or MH issues.

Madeupforthis · 04/09/2016 23:06

I have been both fat and thin. I don't often see peoples weight tbh, it just doesn't register with me. I have been following some body positive accounts on facebook and instagram and they are really helping me realise that weight means nothing about how worthy you are as a person. People can wear what that want, be whatever weight they want, it makes no difference to me or my life. I certainly don't judge other people or myself based on weight - what does it have to do with anything anyway?

Madeupforthis · 04/09/2016 23:10

I am currently obese btw. Still the same person I was before though. Has made bugger all difference to my confidence or how I look at other people. I will probably lose the weight again but even if I don't, I am still the same.

Omgkitties · 04/09/2016 23:22

I used to be fat but I'm not anymore, I lost a lot of weight when I was 19 and have managed to maintain it since. I don't really notice other people's weight, I notice more when people are bigger but still look really good and dress well than just noticing fat people.

Titflaps · 04/09/2016 23:25

I'm morbidly obese and completely hate it. I'm acutely aware of others judging by me because of my size - I just want them to know they'll never think worse of me than I think of myself.

Nikki1171 · 04/09/2016 23:32

I'm obese despite losing a reasonable amount of weight so far. I hated that fat was the first thing people would notice about me (past tense because I'm moderately fat now not hugely fat!). I knew it was noticed by others because I got abused a few times when I was out. I am desperate and motivated to be slim. Unfortunately I do instinctively judge overweight people in a bad way. I was brought up in a household where my dad was scathing about overweight people. Maybe if I wasn't then it wouldn't bother me about myself! Catch 22! I hate that I judge others who are the same as me but I do!

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