To ask fellow fatties: Is it really you that judges yourself or others?

[VladmirsPoutine]

Inspired by another thread in which people were discussing their insecurities. There was also another thread by a poster whom I can't remember but she'd basically said she was finally like "Fuck it, I'm fat and I embrace it."

So my question is, if you are fat or not, do you really notice someone else's weight?

I used to be fat. I hated myself and judged myself constantly. I lost 4.5st.

I am now, probably, by most people's standards, thin. A size 6-8, though I still feel a bit portly and find this hard to believe.

The hardest thing has been the fact that I don't really feel any better about myself. Being 'thin' is not the cure-all I was so sure it would be. I still beat myself up about the size of my thighs, I still have days where I think I look hideous.

HOWEVER, wider society treats me so differently. In both a professional and personal capacity. When I go out, I get fed up with all the male attention, before I was the 'fat friend'. Nothing about me has changed, beyond a set of numbers and it makes me sad that I command so much more respect now that I confirm to an aesthetic ideal.

So, yes, I do think other people judge us.

I don't really judge other people that much and always think everyone else looks way better than me whatever their size. I would say I am probably a decent weight for my height but look very scrawny due to ageing.
I do worry that I am too fat or too thin - I am never happy.
I wish I was less self-obsessed as it is such an unattractive quality and I seem to be getting worse the older I get.
Actually, I cannot believe I typed that I don't judge people that much. I am lying. I judge for all sorts of spurious reasons and then panic that everyone else is judging me... they are.

I agree with Amber, I am treated so differently when I'm thin. Not necessarily in shops etc where people have to be nice to everyone, but with the general public. Men going out of their way to be helpful, but the main change is other women! They suddenly want to be my best friend. I found this the weirdest thing... I didn't realise being fat stopped women interacting with me. On nights out I get people coming up to me to tell me how good I look. In one way it feels nice and in the other way it feels sad that it's so much about looks.. I am the same person.

I'm fat as fuck...5ft 4 and a size 18. Up until I was 18 I was a svelte size 10, watched what I ate, exercised a lot then I started comfort eating when the relationship I had been in since 16 started to become abusive. I managed to pile on 5 stone in less than a year and have never really got rid of it.

In all honesty I was far more concerned about how I looked when I was slim and I am much happier with myself now then I ever was (it took another 9 years to leave that relationship). Of course I get days where I feel disgusting and I am quick to get the fat jokes in, almost as if I'm preempting them from someone else, and I don't remember the last time I looked into a full length mirror.

Hand on heart, I have never heard any comments about my size and I don't judge others as I'm in no position to (although I judge anyone who dares to wear leggings that are stretched so much I can see your pants pattern!).

I have been fat in the past and I noticed a huge difference in the way I was treated to now I am slim. If I ever ate anything in public, I would be given scornful looks almost as if to say 'you are so fat, should you be eating that?' Nobody looks twice now I am a size 10 and if I eat junk.

People treat you better. Most people are polite and wouldn't say anything but this doesn't stop them from judging you inside.

Now I struggle with the reverse, I am bullied by a couple of overweight women at work who constantly make comments about the food I eat. I have been told it is not fair that I am a size 10 and that she is much bigger, criticised for the size of my salad, laughed at by the overweight women when I mentioned that I go running etc.

Seems I can't win either way being fat or slim

I'm fat and I hate it, and hate my lack of willpower (although in the last few months the weight has started to come off). I definitely notice other people's weight now, whereas when I was a normal weight I didn't think about it at all. Never had comments from strangers, only a few run ins with my parents who were under the impression that I was unaware of the problem.

I have been called all sorts of names for being fat. From people with no teeth,terribly bleach treated hair, really shit stained hole-y clothes, there was even a homeless man who told me I had a fat bum once and drunk women outside pubs - in the daytime!

I have a degree, I own my own home, I am well achieving in my work and I have a family who love me dearly. And these people think they are better than me just because I weigh more!

I am thinner now and yes, people do treat you better. Male friends suddenly put you in a different category. It has made me feel contempt for a lot of them. Female friends seem to re-evaluate you and weigh you up as a threat. It's rubbish that people are judged on what they look like, so I try never to do this to other people.

i'm about 4 stone overweight. everything is easier when you are not. including someone you think is the love of your life telling you that they would be with you if you just looked different (and I was only about 1 stone overweight then too!).

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. but as the saying goes, "i'd do anything to be thin except diet and exercise".

I would say I get treated better ever since I started being more accepting of myself. It's all in the body language. If you slouch around hating yourself for being "disgusting" people will pick up on that vibe and treat you accordingly. It's a chimp level thing - if you stand up straight and look people in the eye they respect you.
On the rare occasion someone does make a comment I make eye contact with them and confront them in a calm and matter if fact way: they normally slouch off when this happens.
If you don't love yourself, how can you expect other people to.

I hate myself. I constantly wonder what more I could do and berate myself. I always feel like an elephant and notice every little flaw.

I'm trying really really hard to stop doing that and love what I've got. It's tough though. Just when I think I'm making peace with myself something will trigger the shame cycle again (often a post on MN's I'm afraid).

I do notice others, but it's usually with envy, regardless of their size. Everyone just seems better looking and more confident than me.

I am very overweight and I am fine with it. However the word 'fatties' in the title made me wince as I find it offensive even if you are fat yourself OP

I'm very fat. Size 26/28. I don't judge anyone. I get judged enough for everyone. I've been verbally abused all my adult life and it makes me feel wretched. I wouldn't dream of doing it to anyone else. My best friend has shed 12 stone over the past two years and though she feels better in herself she has noticed that people treat her differently. She's no longer ignored. She's no longer picked on. She's lost friends. Her male best friend was forced to ditch her by his wife. Because she's lost weight I've been asked not if but when am I going to lose my weight too? I always say if I'm not good enough now then you won't be good enough when I do.

I feel really fat - I'm 5'5 and size 14/16. I think I'm judged more by people I don't know or else everyone I know is lying to me when they say I don't need to lose weight.
I definitely have a Homer Simpson belly. Trying to lose weight but always seems like a struggle.

I'm in the overweight category (BMI around 26). I have good self esteem and generally feel happy and confident, but I would love to lose a stone or two. I've tried so many times (another yo yo dieter here).

I don't judge other people based on their weight, although I definitely notice it, but I do judge the parents of an overweight child. It's so sad to see an 8 or 10 year old who is big, and (in most cases) I feel the parents have to take responsibility for that.

I am enormously fat - 5 ft 6 and a size 26. Sometimes I am accepting and buy nice clothes and make an effort. Most of the time
I loathe myself but continue to compulsively overeat.

I think most judgement does come from myself - my friends admonish me to be kinder about myself. I'm sure I am judged in public but have never been on the receiving end of any negative comments. I am however apparently 'kind looking' and well spoken and the latter is often commented upon and I think sort of makes up for the fat & stupid first impression that my fatness gives people.

Oh - and I am not offended by the use of fat or fattie. It's an accurate factual description. I tell the DC that it isn't generally nice to negatively comment on peoples' appearances but I will never be offended by the truth stated factually.

I'm overweight, I've been on all kinds of diets since I was 20 and I'm 47 now.

I'd lost two stone and finally started to feel a bit more confident. Over the 6 week school hols I've put 10lb on and I'm disgusted with myself.

I feel awful, nothing fits, I'm tired and sluggish. I don't want to go out and feel very self conscious.

Yet I'm just about to go food shopping and I'm thinking of crap I can buy! WTF is wrong with me

I notice other fat people and think 'ooh they're worse than me' yet I'm fat myself.

I just wish I could get to goal once and for all and maintain.

I think it has a lot to so with confidence. I am obese, but it doesn´t really bother me. I´ve always been overweight so it just who I am. I don´t really notice of other people are looking at me or not - mainly because I don´t really care. Never had any problem getting jobs or finding relationships.

I'm big but I do judge. It's like I've internalised some negative script and it is my first thought. I always challenge myself though and generally I don't actually think it. I think being overweight is caused by a myriad of conflicting factors and I know that more than anyone.

I was 5 stone oversight, now 2.5. I can still be very judgemental of myself but if I start doing that it's normally a sign I need to pay attention to some other area of my life.

For me self acceptance is the key to self care, moving on and finding a weight loss solution if that's what you want. And self acceptance is easier when you challenge that negative script or body checking applied to other people, I've found.