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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the tone of these texts was a bit threatening?

112 replies

thedaisymeadow · 04/09/2016 19:54

I was signed off work before the summer holidays with an injury rather than an illness. I'm starting back on a phased return soon.

I'm still in pain when I sit down for long periods and moving is actually the best thing for me.

So this morning dp and I plus two of our friends (a couple) and their children went to a beautiful country park. I took a couple of photos and uploaded them to facebook.

At midnight last night my phone went and I was still half asleep but looked at it in case it was an emergency. It was an ex-colleague from work telling me 'I don't think you should be doing that' (uploading photos.)

Then, five more texts came through in about a minute saying things like 'do you understand? You must not post on Facebook when signed off'

She then sent me one saying she could tell I was reading them. I then relied and said she'd woken me up.

Would you feel a bit weird about it?

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 05/09/2016 10:46

She is an EX-COLLEAGUE

There is no

  • grievance
  • escalation
  • showing to the boss

to be done

Although I suppose the OP could cancel the cheque . . .

Buttercupsandaisies · 05/09/2016 10:49

I didn't read that at threatening at all? She was prob thinking that you could removed them quickly - maybe she's heard comments that show less support than you think?

I admit I don't have one work colleague in my friends list - bad idea

Lorelei76 · 05/09/2016 10:50

I think that texting at that time of night is really bizarre as well

you say "ex colleague" - you don't say "friend".

block her number and block her from FB?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 05/09/2016 10:52

Oh, ex-colleague. I totally missed that.

Fuck her then. Block and delete. Silly cow. Yes, probably pissed.

Original poster
thedaisymeadow · 05/09/2016 10:53

Silver she sent me texts not FB messages. It's an iPhone so shows messages as read.

OP posts:
Rubies12345 · 05/09/2016 10:55

When you say ex-colleague, does she not work there anymore?

If she does still work there, could it be because something was said at work?

Original poster
thedaisymeadow · 05/09/2016 10:56

No she doesn't work there any more.

OP posts:
JudyCoolibar · 05/09/2016 10:56

Why do people want OP to raise a grievance and show the texts to HR? There's eff all they can do about it as they don't employ her.

I strongly suspect that she is worried on your behalf that someone further up the chain will read the FB posts the wrong way, and that she's trying to be helpful. Just tell her work know all about your situation and you are medically advised to be up and about.

Original poster
thedaisymeadow · 05/09/2016 10:57

Maybe but they came across as scary not helpful!

OP posts:
ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 05/09/2016 11:02

If she'd sent one text, and they waited for the OP to reply, I guess it could be construed as genuine concern.

She didn't. She sent bloody six! She is an odd character, and I think ignoring her may be the best course of action.

LoveForTulips · 05/09/2016 11:07

I had a similar thing, been signed off due to an injury at work. I uploaded a picture of one of my dogs, and got a few texts asking how i managed to take a picture due to my injury. (injured both hands - cant move left, limited on the right). Well believe it or not, DP can take pictures too, and even more shocking... i can use a phone when its laid flat on a table - i don't HAVE to hold it!! I'm injured, not sick. God forbid i want to share a picture of my dog.
Anyways - i ignored them, i hope you can too, even though its frustrating to receive - you're and adult and you know what you can and can't do!

kittyjewel · 05/09/2016 11:07

Delete her! She sounds like one of them brown nose grasses, we all know one at work....what the hell are you meant to do? Stay in bed 24/7. You have an injury, your not sick, there is a difference. You are allowed out jeeez. Tell her to fuckoff!

echelon · 05/09/2016 11:08

Pseudonym99

Totally disagree, being signed off work for a medical reason has nothing to do with on how/when you decide to post on social media.

I was signed off work for 8 weeks.
I posted on Facebook nearly every day. My colleagues and boss are all on my FB and they all enjoyed reading my updates. Said it was good to follow my progress.
No one commented "oh you shouldn't be posting". Hmm
I wasn't under house arrest.

kittyjewel · 05/09/2016 11:13

Thedaisymeadow you can change your iPhone settings for that you know. Go onto settings, then in settings go on to messages. Turn off the "send read receipts" that then doesn't let them know if you've read it or not.

furryminkymoo · 05/09/2016 11:26

I would just think that she was a bit drunk and was in a clumsy way trying to have my back. I wouldn't think too much more about it, I would chose not to have your updates showing on her wall though.

I have work friends on facebook, wish I hadn't now and tbh I am much more careful with what I put on there,

hellsbellsmelons · 05/09/2016 12:07

You can turn off the thing that makes them show as 'read' on other peoples phones!

  1. Open the settings app in iOS.
  2. Scroll down to "Messages" and tap on it to view the Messages settings.
  3. Find "Read Receipts" and make sure it is toggled to the off position (in iOS 7, green is on and clear is off)
  4. Resume your normal messaging behavior.

I agree to blocking her on facebook as well1

Pseudonym99 · 05/09/2016 12:19

echelon

I think you are misinterpreting my message. I didn't say you shouldn't go out / have a good time while you're off sick. I'm just saying don't put it on Facebook. Not everyone is open minded, and if you are being paid to be off sick, your employer would be able to have a say in what you are or are not doing while they are paying you.

ilovesooty · 05/09/2016 12:20

I would have found half a dozen of those texts intimidating. As she's an ex colleague she might have been concerned but I'd have felt harassed too.

You don't have to justify yourself to her but I'd certainly ask her not to text you like that again.

Going back on a phased return or after significant absence is difficult enough without this kind of interference.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/09/2016 12:23

your employer would be able to have a say in what you are or are not doing while they are paying you
I doubt they are paying her on a Sunday!! Confused

Original poster
thedaisymeadow · 05/09/2016 12:25

To be honest I don't really want to bother changing my iPhone settings. She's literally never called me before or sent a text: very odd. Also, not trying to drip feed but she left due to a dismissal so I doubt she'd be telling tales to HR!

OP posts:
RhodaBorrocks · 05/09/2016 12:28

I was signed off for 3 months earlier this year and came back sooner than I should have as my sick pay ran out. Months later I still struggle with the computer screen (it was an eye op - my 6th and 7th ones on the same eye) and my boss innocently asked if I watched TV at home. I've had similar questions like this before from another boss - how come I can socialise when I can't see well enough to work etc. Well funnily enough not being able to see doesn't prevent a friend driving us to a restaurant, me eating or having a conversation, but it does prevent me from seeing a screen well enough to type. I pointed out that blind people can still do a lot of stuff but also couldn't see or use a computer (without heavy adaptations), would they think they were faking too? I was told to 'be careful' about what got back to her.

So I told my boss who queried my watching TV that I could listen to the TV and that moving images on a 50" screen are a lot different to 12pt text on a 24" screen.

He never queried it again. It may have been an innocent question, it may have been more. I think some people don't realise that you still have a life whilst off sick, in fact, you need it to recover a lot of the time. If you're off for months just sitting around at home doing nothing you're in no way prepared to go back to a full time work environment.

As long as you're sure you're not taking the piss taking all the right steps (LOL pun) to recovery and could justify it if backed into a corner I wouldn't give a shit. I never have colleagues on FB, in fact I actually go by a different name outside of work that they don't know about.

sianihedgehog · 05/09/2016 12:36

Op, I think she got sacked for posting something on Facebook and was trying to drunkenly warn you. But she sounds creepy as hell with it!

Original poster
thedaisymeadow · 05/09/2016 12:38

She didn't get dismissed for that reason, it had nothing to do with social media.

OP posts:
MrsAmaretto · 05/09/2016 12:42

People get signed off from work, not life.

Squeegle · 05/09/2016 12:43

She sounds barking. I would unfriend her forthwith and just ignore