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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it just me?

130 replies

Onefourseventwofivenine · 04/09/2016 01:17

So, DD (9) has been asking to have her ears pierced since she was five. She finally wore me down and I said OK, but not until the beginning of the Christmas break. Since then, she hasn't stopped pushing to bring the date forward, pulling me into shops to look at earrings etc, she literally hasn't stopped. I get the excitement and all, but the stop button really needs to be pressed. So, tonight, I am going to my best friends party and DD is staying at her dads (a very rare occurrence). She is keeping the ear piercing a secret from him, because she is worried he might say no. I get increasingly hysterical texts from her about how her dad might look at her phone and she doesn't want him to in case he sees that she's getting her ears pierced. I then get texts from him, asking what she is sending to me. I give up, leave the party and go pick up my now hysterical nine-year-old from her dads. Apparently, they were watching a movie when she just started crying uncontrollably (she is a major drama queen). I wouldn't have gone but he sent a text saying 'What has she just texted you?' which made me think that he wasn't sitting there trying to calm her down, but had probably decamped to the garden and left her to get on with it. I know I'm not unreasonable to be pissed off with her (and no, she is now most definitely NOT getting her ears pierced) but AIBU to expect a grown man (her father) to deal with the situation? When I was leaving his house, he mouthed 'special' at me. DD does not have special needs; she simply has a tendency to overthink things. Her behaviour tonight was inexcusable, but she knows that.

OP posts:
SecondRow · 04/09/2016 11:09

Yep, good on you, OP. So is her dad now in agreement with the plan to get it done at Christmas then?

Onefourseventwofivenine · 04/09/2016 11:10

I have apologised to my daughter, and admitted to her Dad that I made a mistake in asking her to keep a secret from him. It feels liberating to admit I've screwed up, instead of endlessly justifying myself. This will, no doubt, come across as insincere because it's the internet, but I am extremely grateful to everyone who posted. Sometimes, you do get caught up in a bubble of self-justification and defensiveness and it's good to be reminded that you're allowed to screw up on occasion without it making you a terrible parent.

OP posts:
Sn0tnose · 04/09/2016 11:12

What a nice update One Flowers

SideEye · 04/09/2016 11:13

Good for you. Many people never admit they made an error of judgement.

Coconutty · 04/09/2016 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 04/09/2016 11:18

Glad it's sorted out.

Onefourseventwofivenine · 04/09/2016 11:19

Sn0tnose, thank you for being so gracious.

OP posts:
Whereismumhiding2 · 04/09/2016 11:21

Also onefourseven.. , well done for getting through summer holidays as a single parent with little help. (Said from another single parent). It's fantastic but wearing to have all this lovely DC time 24/7!!

longdiling · 04/09/2016 11:36

Now I totally agree with your last sentence, you absolutely are allowed to screw up and still be a good parent. It's impossible not to, especially when you're flying solo. It must be incredibly hard. Hopefully your dd is back to school this week and you can get a break of sorts Flowers

Evilwickedmeanandnasty · 04/09/2016 11:44

Hi One, just a thought - have you considered asking your DD's school what their stance is on ear piercing?
My DD pushed from the age of 5 to have hers done. She was always told she had to wait until she turned 10, I had to, her sisters had to, she had to!
As it happened, her birthday is in February so she had to wait until the first day of the summer holidays before she could have them done. This was to allow her ears time to heal and to allow her time to learn how to care for them. School insisted that she be able to remove and replace them herself before/after PE lessons.
So in the end it was school that dictated when she could have them done and I could use that as my reason to hold off until she was old enough!

GiddyOnZackHunt · 04/09/2016 12:09

Glad it's all sorted. And you have indeed 'owned it' graciously now.

Seryph · 04/09/2016 12:14

Well done OP, have a Brew

Onefourseventwofivenine · 04/09/2016 12:35

Yes, she needs to be able to remove them for swimming, but they can be taped for PE. They don't swim over the winter, so the beginning of the Christmas holidays is a good time. DD has also been asking since she was five (she's nine now). It's not something I like, but she so desperately wants to have it done. I have imposed conditions. She will go to a proper piercing place and have it done by needle, she can only wear small studs, and she has to take responsibility for looking after the piercings after they're done.

OP posts:
JustAnotherPoster00 · 04/09/2016 12:39

Well done OP made me smile when I read your update :)

Just going to add def go to a proper piercing place the needle method damages the ears way way less than the gun.

Italiangreyhound · 04/09/2016 12:58

well done, excellent one for coming back and updating.

It is really nice when a poster learns something or sees a new perspective, shoes Mumsnet at its best.

You will still get the odd arsey comment because some posters are just reading your opening post! I wish people would at least read the last few posts to update themselves! But that is something you learn with time!

All the best op. Smile

Thingmcthingyface · 04/09/2016 13:17

Aww well done OP Flowers I got all warm and fuzzy at you...

Evilwickedmeanandnasty · 04/09/2016 13:19

All sounds good then! Unfortunately, having lasted the six weeks etc once pierced, my daughter now can't be arsed with the faff of taking them in and out for gym twice a week as well as PE and swimming... I think they may have closed up again Confused

Sleepybeanbump · 04/09/2016 13:20

Why are you pissed off with your DD and why is she no longer getting her ears pierced?

Admittedly I only have an 8month old boy but I'm at a loss to see what your DD has done 'wrong' other than be melodramatic which you know she is inclined to be, and which this situation was bound to exacerbate.

Sleepybeanbump · 04/09/2016 13:20

Sorry, not RTFT. Blush

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 04/09/2016 13:47

Smile lovely update OP, hope it all sorts itself out for you

AverageGayLad · 04/09/2016 13:53

That's nice to hear OP :) Flowers

Thingiebob · 04/09/2016 13:53

Everyone screws up. How can you learn your child's strengths and weaknesses? It's part of learning to be a good parent. I've done similar. I've overestimated my daughter's ability/maturity to deal with stress. It happens.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 04/09/2016 14:00

Well done OP
Star

AnnaMarlowe · 04/09/2016 14:27

FlowersBrew for the OP

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/09/2016 15:17

Owning your screw ups is really important. Children see that and can own theirs. If you want a kid who apologizes when they mess up and makes things right you model that.

Like you just did Flowers

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