Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is discrimination and its damn right wrong.

241 replies

EvalionAngel · 03/09/2016 19:14

A Salford woman is 'too fat' to look after children, says council

dailym.ai/2c2xwoB

If this was race it would be wrong if this was a disability it would be wrong if this was gender it would be wrong. So why is fat discrimination allowed. Time for overweight people to be protected under discrimination and hate speech laws. Overweight people have to face daily abuse and thin privilege. The same way black and POC face white privileges and women face make privilege.

I'm so sick of this.

Sorry for the rant.

OP posts:
HeCantBeSerious · 05/09/2016 09:17

LAC = Looked After Child

BlancheBlue · 05/09/2016 09:20

fitfatty why do you keep talking about athletes with BMI which might not be correct? 99% of us are NOT professional athletes and hence generally anyone who is 20 stone is not healthy and is morbidly obese.

It people are happy being that weight that is there choice, but please strop trying to say obesity is fine/normal

HeddaLettuce · 05/09/2016 09:27

When I see them in their clothes later, I would probably pass the bigger ladies off as fat because I haven't seen what they can do

They ARE fat, it doesn't matter what they can do. If you can't understand the basic fact that fit and fat are not opposites, no-one is going to listen to your opinion on these things.

justilou · 05/09/2016 09:28

Being seriously overweight brings health issues that could seriously limit their ability to run around after a kid. (Diabetes, heart issues, etc) I think it is well known that people become this overweight because they make poor food and lifestyle choices. A child growing up in a healthy environment is more often than not going to repeat the pattern.

justilou · 05/09/2016 09:30

Sorry - I meant to add that kids of parents with chronic illness are often unfairly put in the position of being the carer, and I think that is why heavily overweight people are less likely to be approved to adopt or foster children

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 05/09/2016 09:34

They wouldn't needed to have measured her height and weighed to see that she is obese

So what is the point in bickering about bmi

She isn't a stone or even a few stone over weight she is morbidly obese. And her attitude is also showing that she isn't right for fostering she has taken on a victim role, showing very little awareness of her own health issues. If iI was assessing her I would not only be wanting to see a difference in changes to her lifestyle that would make a difference to her weight/health but also would like to see someone with more self awareness

rascalchops1 · 05/09/2016 09:34

I'm overweight and this is the correct decision. I am losing weight, because I just can't interact with my son the way I would like, due to my weight. People who smoke are turned down why not obese people. Stop moaning and lose weight

Thefitfatty · 05/09/2016 09:45

*fitfatty why do you keep talking about athletes with BMI which might not be correct? 99% of us are NOT professional athletes and hence generally anyone who is 20 stone is not healthy and is morbidly obese.

It people are happy being that weight that is there choice, but please strop trying to say obesity is fine/normal*

BANGS MY FUCKING HEAD AGAINST A WALL

I'm using athletes as an example because they come in a variety of shapes and sizes and their heights/weights are readily available.

HOWEVER if you read the rest of my posts I explain that there are actually quite a few people who would have muscle mass similar to athletes, because muscle isn't what makes an athlete. However, because they aren't on strict diets or cutting fat, they don't really look like athletes.

Studies indicate that their are millions of people being wrongly labelled unhealthy by their BMI's, when it simply isn't the case.

BMI is an average. So yes, ON AVERAGE, a person who is 20 stone is not healthy. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean everyone who is 20 stone is unhealthy. It works like this. Say you have 300 people who weigh 20 stone. According to some studies based on BMI, being 20 stone raises your chance of death from an obesity related disease by 50%. That means 150 of those people will die from an obesity related illness. 150 won't.

Whether they won't because they do get some exercise, or because they don't smoke, or what have you, half of them will still not develop obesity related diseases. That is why, while BMI is great for working out averages and for categorizing people at risk, it is not a diagnostic tool.

If a doctor has a patient who is 20 stone he shouldn't just say "lose weight or you're going to die" without asking about fitness levels, diet, smoking and drinking habits, etc.

The same as a doctor shouldn't assume that just because a person is 9 stone that that person isn't going to die of an obesity related disease. Fitness levels, diet, smoking and drinking habits should still be questioned. Their chances of developing them are lower, but not non-existent.

Thinness doesn't equal healthy. Fat doesn't equal unhealthy.

A 20 stone person who sweats it out in the gym 3 times a week, and walks a lot and generally tries to eat healthy foods (even if too much of them) and doesn't smoke or drink is going to be healthier than a 9 stone person who smokes, drinks too much, doesn't exercise and eats McDonalds everyday (or doesn't eat much at all).

It's a statistics game. Which is why someone shouldn't be automatically disqualified because their BMI is too high. Other factors, including a more thorough doctors assessment, should be considered.

Our levels of obesity are not normal right now and there a lots of studies being done as to why and that's good. Simply passing off obese people and rising obesity as gluttony and laziness is stupid and won't solve the problem. I don't think obesity is normal. I think there is something very wrong with society. BUT I don't think stereotyping people or discriminating against them based on their weight, without taking in other factors is right or helpful, or even accurate.

Thefitfatty · 05/09/2016 09:47

They ARE fat, it doesn't matter what they can do.

There isn't a doctor worth their salt that would agree with that statement.

Kitsandkids · 05/09/2016 10:25

My husband and I are foster carers. I don't believe that the woman was turned down purely because of her weight. Possibly because her weight caused mobility problems yes, but not just because of the weight.

My husband is heavier than her. Not sure how much he weighs exactly but between 23 and 25 stones I would think. He is very tall but he does look fat. When we were applying he had a medical and that issue was raised and a social worker had to check he was mobile enough to deal with children. At her first visit she watched him running upstairs to try and grab our cat and put her out of the way and said that was fine; he obviously didn't have major mobility issues. That was the last time his weight was mentioned.

Someone upthread said that if a foster dad had been 21 stones he wouldn't have been able to catch a child doing a runner. Well, my heavier husband managed the day our then 6 year old fc tried to run across the park when he didn't want to leave the play area. And again when he tried to run out of the school grounds. And again when he legged it across the beach. So weight issues don't necessarily stop you from caring adequately for foster children. But they can cause mobility problems and yes, in those cases it's right that the people aren't approved to be carers.

I'm overweight myself, though not to such an extreme. I absolutely know it's because I eat too much crap. I don't have a medical issue, I have a love of junk food! However, I do resent the implication made by some posters that foster children will automatically become fat living in a household with 2 fat carers. I am so, so careful to give the children a healthy diet. I know what to eat, I'm not stupid, I just eat too much of things I know I shouldn't. But I do that when the children are not there.

SoupDragon · 05/09/2016 10:30

All the talk about athletes is irrelevant anyway as the woman in this story is not fit and muscly is she?

nokidshere · 05/09/2016 10:33

As a child in care I would have gladly had an overweight but loving parent figure than the abusive and cold team who "cared" for us - some of whom were fat and some thin!

As a parent I am overweight and have arthritis but neither of those things have stopped me from raising two very healthy, skinny, sporty boys.

As an adult (since I was 17, am now 55) I have dedicated my life to caring for other peoples children. During that time I have been fat, medium and skinny and none of those things has ever impacted on my job.

I do not believe that the article is the full story. Quite apart from that I also can't imagine anyone in a position of hiring people for a job would be stupid enough to say "it's because you are fat".

WorraLiberty · 05/09/2016 10:39

Carers, whether FC or biological parents should be setting a good example though, shouldn't they?

If you want your child to take care their teeth, you make sure they know you brush/take care of yours too.

If you want your child to wash/bath, then you model a good standard of personal hygiene yourself.

If you want your child to cross the road safely, you make sure they see you doing it.

It's the same with diet and exercise. How can an obese carer, teach the kids about the important of healthy eating and exercise, if they don't model that themselves?

'Do as I say and not as I do', isn't something that particularly works with kids, especially older kids/teens.

They often just think of the carer as a big hypocrite.

MissHooliesCardigan · 05/09/2016 10:43

The fact is that the government can't stop anyone who wants to from having a biological child, no matter how unsuitable they are. The bar for having a child removed from bio parent's care is extremely high - there are thousands of children being raised by parents whose parenting is pretty dire. Social services assessments look at all aspects of the child's care and weigh up whether it's so bad that the child will be harmed more by staying in that environment than by being removed which, in itself, is extremely traumatic.
With LACs, the LA, which is under the jurisdiction of the government, has to decide to actually place a child, who often has some kind of additional needs, with a FC. They are employing that person and have the right to specify who meets their criteria. It is completely irrelevant that there are bio parents who smoke, drink too much or are just a bit crap who get to keep their children so foster carers should be able to smoke and drink 5 pints a day.
They are looking for care that is optimum, not just for care that isn't so bad it would result in bio children being removed. Which is as it should be.
I think DH and I are generally good parents but I'm pretty sure we wouldn't be approved to foster of adopt.

t4nut · 05/09/2016 10:58

What the f**k is all this hoo-ha about.

Surely there was an individual assessment to see if this woman was capable of being a carer, and physically it seems she cannot meet the demands of the role. That this is due to her being the equivalent of Jabba the Hut is not what the assessment was failed on.

yeOldeTrout · 05/09/2016 10:59

It's good for fat people to be as fit as they can, true.

I don't believe that those worldbeating weight lifters need to be hauling all that extra fat around on their bodies in order to be amazing athletes. Cheryl Haworth's double chins don't help her lift much.

A lot of Olympic weight lifters don't have very high BMIs.

yeOldeTrout · 05/09/2016 11:01

ps; Sumo wrestlers do need to be very fat to do their job. Most of them trim right down in retirement.

WorraLiberty · 05/09/2016 11:14

From Wikipedia

Sumo wrestlers have a life expectancy between 60 and 65, more than 10 years shorter than the average Japanese male. Many develop diabetes or high blood pressure, and they are prone to heart attacks due to the enormous amount of fat they accumulate.

yeOldeTrout · 05/09/2016 11:19

I daresay with weight lifters, a slightly bigger health problem could be temptation to use steroids.

The shotputters & javelin throwers can be hefty; I can understand that being useful, because their momentum goes into the hurled object. Maybe I'm wrong, because weightlifters could find momentum useful, too.

Although useful for their jobs, still not useful for their overall health.

HeddaLettuce · 05/09/2016 11:25

There isn't a doctor worth their salt that would agree with that statement

They ALL would. If you are fat you are fat, your fitness level is a separate matter. Take 2 people the same size, one could be really healthy and the other really unhealthy, but they are both still the same size, and if that size is fat, then they are.
You're mixing up size and fitness, which are definitely related but not actually the same thing.

HeddaLettuce · 05/09/2016 11:26

Studies indicate that their are millions of people being wrongly labelled unhealthy by their BMI's, when it simply isn't the case

Thats complete bullshit. Where are these studies? There arent any that have looked at millions of people, so you just made that up.

Thefitfatty · 05/09/2016 11:28

If you are fat you are fat, your fitness level is a separate matter.

Hmm

Someone is mixing things up here, but I don't think it's me.

HeddaLettuce · 05/09/2016 11:29

It is though.

BlancheBlue · 05/09/2016 11:32

There seems to be a attitude with some people "I go to the gym so no need to worry that I am obese" whatever fitness level people are or think they are obesity is a large health risk and no doctors would disagree with that. All this arguments about athletes is just stupid. A few step classes and a gym session or to is not like training as a professional sports person ffs.

Those who are obese ( and have no other medical reasons) and claim they are doing loads of exercise seriously need to look at their calorie intake.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/09/2016 11:35

Whilst all the discussions around BMI are interesting and educational they don't really apply to this woman. I am also very overweight and bluntly I look fitter and healthier than she does. I too have health problems which need addressing which are restricting my ability to exercise (probably will need surgery soon).

I work full time and have 2 children but I would struggle to deal with a young unpredictable child now (my children are old enough to reason with and most likely to strop off complaining and slam a door rather than run away).

If her weight is linked to health issues then she needs to get those sorted and get her weight back under control. This takes a lot of your focus and energy so having to deal with a vulnerable child at the same time would be tough. She should have taken another 12 months to work on her health so she would be in a position to focus on the child's needs.

However like other posters I strongly question the suitability of any person to be a foster carer if their response to being turned down is to go to the Daily Fail! Talk about a lack of boundaries and judgment.