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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is discrimination and its damn right wrong.

241 replies

EvalionAngel · 03/09/2016 19:14

A Salford woman is 'too fat' to look after children, says council

dailym.ai/2c2xwoB

If this was race it would be wrong if this was a disability it would be wrong if this was gender it would be wrong. So why is fat discrimination allowed. Time for overweight people to be protected under discrimination and hate speech laws. Overweight people have to face daily abuse and thin privilege. The same way black and POC face white privileges and women face make privilege.

I'm so sick of this.

Sorry for the rant.

OP posts:
Dogcatred · 03/09/2016 21:08

As people said earlier on the thread if she were say 11 or 12 stone she would probably have been accepted. She is instead very large indeed and we need some kind of cut off for fostering. Also she's gone to the papers so that kind of proves she wasn't suitable fostering material in the first place anyway. She could instead have quietly lost 2 pounds a week for 2 years and then reapplied when she was a normal weight.

HeddaLettuce · 03/09/2016 21:09

They'd do better in a foster family with one carer who is morbidly obese then in children's homes

If that was the case, that is where they would be. Nobody wants to leave kids in childrens homes, its not anyones goal. If you get turned down as a foster carer its for a good bloody reason.

jamdonut · 03/09/2016 21:11

I'm 5'7" and 20 stone.
I'm a teaching assistant.
I don't spend all day eating. I actually eat fairly healthily, but I don't get much exercise because after a day at work, I'm so knackered all I want to do is sleep.
Should I not be looking after people's children at school because of how much I weigh?

I gradually put on weight after having DC3, 16 years ago. I have never been much of a scales watcher, but I'm disgusted with myself now, and I am trying to do something about though it's going to be a bloody hard slog.

I hate that people think that you just sit and stuff yourself with cakes,pies and takeaways all day,every day,when you are fat. I hardly ever eat cakes or pies, and only the odd takeaway as a family every now and then.
But obviously in the past at some point, I was not eating the right stuff Sad

sharkinthedark · 03/09/2016 21:14

Foster carers may be caring for children with complex needs. This lady has been recovering from a serious medical issue - possibly that was that a factor also?
I can't bring myself to condemn a council with high standards of care for their most vulnerable children.

hownottofuckup · 03/09/2016 21:16

Yes Hedda quite, that's what it says at the end of my post.

MrsDeVere · 03/09/2016 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlancheBlue · 03/09/2016 21:20

I think the running to the Daily Mail proves her unsuitability anyway. These stories are shit anyway, she could have been turned down due to loads of other reasons. I'm sick of people who think they have been discriminated against running to do a sad face mail story. It makes it all the harder for people who are facing genuine discrimination and need that addressed.

MrsDeVere · 03/09/2016 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hownottofuckup · 03/09/2016 21:30

Mrs they obviously have a need for FC's or they wouldn't be looking to recruit 30-40 a year.
And no you're right, it's not Tracey Beaker.

hownottofuckup · 03/09/2016 21:31

Sorry 30 something to 50 something

MrsDeVere · 03/09/2016 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarbLives · 03/09/2016 21:41

I used to run a nursery and probably wouldn't have employed this woman.
I want adults who are physically fit, able to out run a 2/3/4 year old, able to lift and carry, able to get down on the floor, able to perform first aid.

I had several children who had additional needs requiring a 1:1 support person - I particularly would not employ someone morbidly obese to carry out such an active and physically demanding role. Would someone so overweight and in poor health be able to safely manage a 4 year old at Forest School who had a tendency to bolt and have violent tantrums?

Foster children have additional needs. They need better than average carers. A foster carer is often a lone worker doing 24/7 without breaks. The standard needs to be higher than other childcare workers.

hownottofuckup · 03/09/2016 21:42

I don't for one second believe they've been turned down solely on her weight.

BarbLives · 03/09/2016 21:44

Many of the older children living in residential care wouldn't be able to live in a family, so it isn't just a case of unsuitable foster carer or children's home, pick the least worst.

RunningLulu · 03/09/2016 21:49

There's a looked after kid on my street with pretty severe autism. His foster dad has to run after him several times a week when he runs off (he has a tendancy to do it when things get too much), restrain him, and firmly but gently bring him back. There's no way he'd be able to do it if he weighed 21 stones!

CheerfulYank · 03/09/2016 22:32

YABU about it being the same as white privilege.

However I don't think she looks large enough that she couldn't foster an older child, but I could be wrong. I know a single woman about that size with 4 kids and she runs herself ragged getting them to sports practices, play dates etc but she does it. So.

Lightbulbon · 03/09/2016 22:35

IT won't just have been her weight.

She is also studying- need to be available ft to be a fc. Worrying she doesn't realise this.

She has had surgery.

She is ttc and sees fc as an 'alternative' to bc. This isn't how it works.

Sugarlightly · 03/09/2016 22:39

We don't know if she's morbidly obese - only her doctor will know that. Morbidly obese is a state in which your obesity has caused an illness which is likely to shorten your lifespan, not anything to do with BMI

Sugarlightly · 03/09/2016 22:40

I'm 17st. I'm a nurse. Doesn't stop me from running around after children when I've cared for them before, or restraining fully grown men when I've been in MH units. Should I not have been employed?

MypocketsarelikeNarnia · 03/09/2016 22:41

Having very bloody slightly higher standards for lac is looking for Mary Poppins?

Fuck's sale.

MyWineTime · 03/09/2016 23:05

Being employed in a job where you look after children is NOT the same as being a Foster Carer!

This woman may well be suitable to work as a TA or a Nurse (if she was qualified), but that doesn't make her suitable to be a Foster Carer.

The most vulnerable children need parents who are fit, healthy and not dealing with other important issues in their lives that will be a distraction to caring for them. This woman did not meet the required standards.

WorraLiberty · 03/09/2016 23:14

Exactly. You can't really compare fostering to any other job.

Not even to being a live-in night nanny.

Fostering children is fostering children and you don't get to knock off after your shift is over, or decide you're too ill to work like you can with other jobs.

manicinsomniac · 03/09/2016 23:26

The link doesn't work for me but from the sounds of it, YABU.

I agree that nobody should unfairly discriminated against for their size. Thin privilege is definitely a thing and, as someone with the opposite kind of eating disorder and weight problem, I am very aware and grateful that I have it (ie, my attitude to food is as fucked up as an obese person's but the majority of people can't know for sure by looking at me and my figure is more likely to get complimented than ridiculed (not that it's a good figure, I'm not bragging! I'm too thin, objectively, but it's amazing how many supposedly mentally healthy people don't have a too thin button))

However, if you are that obese then you are disabled and somebody with a mobility disability cannot usually do a physically demanding job. Which being a fc is.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 03/09/2016 23:50

Let's be clear - NO child deserves to be brought up by a morbidly obese, not-very-mobile parent. However, those already in care have had a crappier than normal start in life, and are even more deserving of a healthy, mobile carer.

WardrobeMalfunction · 04/09/2016 00:29

"No child deserves to be brought up by a morbidly obese, not-very-mobile parent"? What a completely cuntish thing to write.

I am 20 stone. I hike, swim and cycle with my kids (I can't run due to a pre-weight gain injury, so have limited mobility) I am also an excellent role model, intelligent, beautiful, successful in my career, a pillar of my community, liked and respected by my friends and neighbour and loved by my partner of 20 years. My kids are loved, cared for, exercised, praised, encouraged, disciplined, challenged and fed healthy food.

My obesity is one tiny aspect of me, and for someone to suggest that it makes me unsuitable to parent is one of the most ludicrous things I've read on MN. Fortunately, not one iota of my self esteem is predicated on what some anonymous sort posts on a forum, but I imagine lots of people have read this, been hurt, and failed to comment because of aforementioned cuntish attitudes.

As for the Daily Fail story referenced in the OP, I hope it's one of their usual provocative, bullshit, left-out-a-lot of pertinent details articles.