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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not apologise

48 replies

deadmousesage · 03/09/2016 15:10

Last weekend, one of my friends texted me to suggest lunch last bank holiday Monday. I said I had been invited to a bbq which she was welcome to attend. She replied didn't really fancy it, so Friday about 7pm I said ok well don't we have a quiet lunch together at X cafe about 1pm on the Monday with a question mark.

No reply, so bank holiday I went to BBq.

Checking phone when back early evening I have 2 missed calls and a text at 1pm saying where are you.

Albu to think reply on Friday or I make other plans for a bank holiday

Now this friend is ignoring me

OP posts:
RunningLulu · 03/09/2016 15:17

If she never replied to the text at all then you're def not being unreasonable. If, however, she replied on the sat/sun & you didn't get back to her with a 'too late' then that'd def be your fault.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 03/09/2016 15:18

Her fault yanbu

Original poster
deadmousesage · 03/09/2016 15:18

No she didn't reply at all so I made other plans.

But surprised when she turned up at cafe at 1 pm expecting me to be there

OP posts:
Mypurplecaravan · 03/09/2016 15:22

How did she know which cafe to turn up at?

iklboo · 03/09/2016 15:25

How did she know which cafe to turn up at?

The OP had suggested it in her text.

Arfarfanarf · 03/09/2016 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
deadmousesage · 03/09/2016 15:33

I replied Monday night, didn't think it was on. No reply

Invited her to a dinner party tonight, no reply!

Now think sod off

OP posts:
Arfarfanarf · 03/09/2016 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 03/09/2016 15:38

TBH, it sounds like a misunderstood on both sides.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 03/09/2016 16:06

It depends how much you value the friendship tbh.
I would have checked on the Sunday if we were going for lunch on the Monday or not.
If I was her, I'd be annoyed that you hadn't answered any texts or calls on the Monday because that makes it look as though you deliberately ignored her until it was too late to do anything about the mix up.
The misunderstanding wasn't anyone's fault but you not answering her call and texts looks deliberate. If I was you, I would apologise for that.

DoreenLethal · 03/09/2016 16:13

Last weekend, one of my friends texted me to suggest lunch last bank holiday Monday. I said I had been invited to a bbq which she was welcome to attend. She replied didn't really fancy it, so Friday about 7pm I said ok well don't we have a quiet lunch together at X cafe about 1pm on the Monday with a question mark.

I don't understand.
She texts so say 'shall we do lunch on BH monday?
you say 'no can't as I am going to a BBQ but you are welcome to come'
She says 'no don't fancy it'.
then you reply 'lets do lunch then at 1pm at x cafe'
If you were going to suggest a lunch why not just say 'yes' at the start. Why mention the BBQ at all?

GabsAlot · 03/09/2016 16:14

maybe she thought she sent a text saying ok then but it never arrived

happend to me a few times

BeautyQueenFromMars · 03/09/2016 16:20

DoreenLethal Maybe the OP wanted to go to the BBQ and thought it'd be nice to go with her friend.

Original poster
deadmousesage · 03/09/2016 16:25

I thought the BBq would be nice for us both to go to

When she didn't fancy it I suggested lunch instead

In the past if she hasn't answered it means she can't make it

I did think of checking in Sunday but knew she was away so decided against as looks like nagging

I don't sit around all bank holiday weekend waiting to see if she can make lunch or not

I have invited to a dinner party been ignored and did apologise for missing calls on Monday

As far as I am concerned that's it

OP posts:
APlaceOnTheCouch · 03/09/2016 16:27

deadmouse well if you've already decided 'that's it'. Why are you asking if YABU? Confused

DoreenLethal · 03/09/2016 16:30

When she didn't fancy it I suggested lunch instead

Er - she suggested lunch! What an odd way of going about things.

TheWitTank · 03/09/2016 16:31

I would text and say: 'I have obviously annoyed you over the misunderstanding about lunch. When you did not confirm I presumed you were not available. Let me know if you are free to meet up soon as it would be nice to see you'. (I sent something like this in a similar situation and it was soon resolved).

APlaceOnTheCouch · 03/09/2016 16:35

It's a bit odd to say I though you weren't available when it was the friend who suggested lunch on Monday in the first place Confused

RealityCheque · 03/09/2016 16:39

Of course yanbu. Opinions on planet MN will obviously vary.

Doreen, how the fuck is it odd?

Couch, your outlook is incredibly bizarre. Apologising for missing a phone call? People do not have to. Be stuck to the phone or justify it if not. You must be bloody hard work with your friends with that attitude.

And her friend is not a baby. Checking again on Sunday is not necessary. Her friend is fucking rude and childish for simply ignoring numerous messages when she doesn't like what's written.

Waltermittythesequel · 03/09/2016 16:41

But she asked you to lunch, you said BBQ, she said no, so you said ok then lunch.

I can perhaps see why she would have assumed it was confirmed in this particular situation. But she should have answered your text to be sure. I don't think it's a terribly big deal really.

Original poster
deadmousesage · 03/09/2016 16:44

Thanks for replies
I may text in a week or so and see if she answers
In my defence if she can't make something she doesn't reply and I have got used to this
I wanted to go to the BBq and wanted her to come, she didn't want to go to bbq and told me to go
I suggested lunch then as felt bad but no reply assumed as in past she wasn't coming and happy for me to go to bbq
A storm in a tea cup maybe but tiring

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 03/09/2016 16:49

What TheWitTank said sounds good and adult. There is no apology there and I think the sooner you send it, the better. If she is unable to "forgive" something so insignificant, then your friendship is unlikely to stand the test of time.

SharonfromEON · 03/09/2016 16:52

Maybe a telephone conversation rather than texts that seem to get misinterpreted.

Original poster
deadmousesage · 03/09/2016 17:36

I note I have been de friended on Facebook so I think the moment has past

At least I know I won't have an extra two for dinner party tonight

OP posts:
Original poster
deadmousesage · 03/09/2016 17:36

Passed

OP posts:
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