To not apologise

[deadmousesage]

Last weekend, one of my friends texted me to suggest lunch last bank holiday Monday. I said I had been invited to a bbq which she was welcome to attend. She replied didn't really fancy it, so Friday about 7pm I said ok well don't we have a quiet lunch together at X cafe about 1pm on the Monday with a question mark.

No reply, so bank holiday I went to BBq.

Checking phone when back early evening I have 2 missed calls and a text at 1pm saying where are you.

Albu to think reply on Friday or I make other plans for a bank holiday

Now this friend is ignoring me

All sounds a bit weird. Is there something else going on in her life that's making her upset? The lunch/ not lunch thing sounds like muddled communication from both of you. Defriending you on FB sounds more like the behaviour of a petulant teenager or possibly just a very stressed adult.

Doreen, how the fuck is it odd?

'Hi Reality how you doing - do you fancy lunch on monday'
'I am going to a BBQ then do you fancy it?'
'Not really'
'How about lunch then?'
.com

Why not just say 'yes lunch will be good see you at 1' rather than say 'NO I can't as I am going elsewhere and so then I suggested lunch'. The OP didn't suggest lunch - the OP's friend did!

But if op already had plans I think it's normal to say "no I'm busy at at a bbq do you want to come?" And when friend said no, it's also fine to then say okay fine we can do dinner then if you want, X time X place? To which the person should reply yes or no.

She obviously read the message as a definite dinner plan, and it's just poor communication really. Always say "are we still on for tomorrow?"

Ring her up? Why wouldn't you call her after the first text, ask her to the bbq, decide another plan when she says no, have a chat, say how nice it will be to catch up. Easy.

You both screwed up. Ring her, apologize, I expect she will too, laugh over it, agree to meet up next week and have a chat then.

Hi chikara,, I did ring when I got messages Monday afternoon and left a mesage, I also texted and apologised for missing calls and explained I didn't we were definite
I then a few days later invited her for dinner tonight
I have tried I promise

She sounds rather immature if she can end a friendship over a misunderstanding.

I note I have been de friended on Facebook so I think the moment has past

Irrespective of the rights/wrongs of the situation, that is truly effing pathetic.

I wouldn't be in too much of a hurry to re-add her if/when she de-strops.

I'd be pissed off if I was your BBQ friend TBH. If you accepted the bbq invite first you should have stuck with it.

Very true Tatty.

She did stick to the bbq arrangement though, didn't she?

I must be old. I never understand why people don't just speak to each other on the phone instead of texting all the time.

But if op already had plans I think it's normal to say "no I'm busy at at a bbq do you want to come?" And when friend said no, it's also fine to then say okay fine we can do dinner then if you want, X time X place? To which the person should reply yes or no.

The x time was the same time as the OP's friend suggested. Monday lunchtime!

What time was the BBQ? It's not clear if you were going to meet up with your friend for lunch at the cafe at the expense of going to the BBQ.

This is the problem with texting (which is often an absolutely brilliant way to communicate). Things can get left hanging in a way that doesn't happen if you are actually speaking to someone. So - I can understand why she is pissed off (she thinks you made a definite arrangement and stood her up), whereas from your point of view, she never confirmed, so you didn't think it was a commitment you had made. If she's a good friend, I'd phone and speak to her and explain. I would apologise - not in the sense that you've done something terribly wrong - but because presumably you are sorry that she turned up and waited for you on Monday. I think if you can speak you can get across the message that it was a genuine case of crossed wires and explain why that happened - which, if she goes back and looks at the text exchange, should mean she sees your point of view as well.

Text her tonight demanding to know why she isn't at your dinner party as you now assume that her silence in fact means that she has accepted an invitation given the lunch mix up! Might make her think and yanbu, it's her bad communication.

brilliant LookMoreCloselier

Doreen, you're being deliberately obtuse.

A: Do you want to meet for lunch on Monday?
B: Well, I've been invited to this BBQ - why don't you come along to that instead?
A: Nah, don't really fancy that - I was hoping we could get together just the two of us.
B: Well... ok then. Shall we say Z Café at 1?

Cel982.

Exactly. Obtuse or thick - it's really not difficult.

deadmousesage - ok - so you did try. Sorry.

I have had more fall-outs caused by bloody texts than anything.! Good luck sorting it out.

Exactly. Obtuse or thick - it's really not difficult.

The op suggested having lunch, straight after she said she couldnt do lunch as suggested by her friend.

no wonder her friend didnt know what to do next.

Reality obtuse or thick what a horrible thing to say! I'm neither obtuse or thick and I'm still a bit confused regarding timings.

Your "friend" sounds like a massive weirdo if she has now unfriended you. I wouldn't pander to that sort of behaviour. I'd ignore her tbh. Feel free to be the bigger person if she decides to grow up and reach out but I certainly wouldn't make the next move.

Your "friend" sounds like a massive weirdo if she has now unfriended you

Or she is pissed off with the oddness.