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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to give up work and become a housewife?

90 replies

LavenderLedge · 03/09/2016 12:13

I am 40 years old and have a child about to start secondary school. My DH has a relatively well paid job; I currently work term time only. I find my job extremely stressful and during term time my health suffers, I get daily hedaches, my IBS flares up, my eczema flares up, I'm exhausted.

I also do 99% of all the housework - DH will help if I ask but often does a poor job so I find it easier to just do it all myself.

I am seriously considering giving up work so I can just focus on the house and my family. I think my health will improve and I won't be so miserable.

We could manage financially but it would obviously put all the financial pressure on my DH which I fear is unfair.

He's happy for me to give up work but acknowledges it will make things tight for us.

I really don't know what to do. Am I being selfish? I'm sure most people would love to pack in their jobs; am I just being weak and lazy?

OP posts:
Mummyshortlegz · 03/09/2016 12:13

Do what you please as long as it works for your family.

Cocklodger · 03/09/2016 12:16

If it works for you it works for you.
Dh earns 11x what I do and could earn 4-5 x more than that if he wanted to.. I keep my basically minimum wage job regardless(I earn 12 p more than the min wage) Because if shit hits the fan am I fuck going to be caught with my pants down.So your situ wouldn't work for me.
its horses for courses

WorraLiberty · 03/09/2016 12:16

Could you go part time?

I'm not sure I'd want to put myself in a financially vulnerable position, if I had such an unequal relationship IYSWIM?

Lovewineandchocs · 03/09/2016 12:16

Whatever works for you all-however, it does seem as if it is this specific job that's the problem-would you look for a different one?

Highlandfling80 · 03/09/2016 12:17

lavender that is why I have not returned to work. If you can cope financially than why not? Your health is more important.

CedricSydneySneer · 03/09/2016 12:17

I'm similar to you but I'm younger with younger dc, I'd love to give up work and just look after the house and kids. I know that's not popular these days but I hate my job and I think the dc benefit more when I'm around more. We wouldn't be much worse financially either.

I wouldn't give up my job though as I think everyone should have their financial independence and term time jobs are like gold dust.

Are you paying into a pension? Perhaps you could go mad saving and look forward to an early retirement?

elodie2000 · 03/09/2016 12:17

Do it. Just do it!!! If your DH is happy for you to, don't give it another thought. I have several friends who don't work and they concentrate on the house and their family. it would take the pressure off all round from what you've said! (Wish I could!)

CedricSydneySneer · 03/09/2016 12:19

Could you do your job part time?

Mittensonastring · 03/09/2016 12:19

Any chance of a change of job? I had to stop work due to health issues but still have an income from other sources. I had almost 30 years of state and private pension contributions as well.

RunningLulu · 03/09/2016 12:20

Whatever works best for you and your family, YADNBU. Hubby and I are seriously discussing him staying at home full time too, as his job's affecting his health. Like you he does the majority of the weekly housework and wants to keep doing it.

Lelloteddy · 03/09/2016 12:21

You don't sound as if your marriage is particularly a team effort if you are left with most of the household stuff as well as working full time? What happens if you split up?

purplefox · 03/09/2016 12:22

I wouldn't give up work completely, can you go part time or get a less stressful job?

Original poster
LavenderLedge · 03/09/2016 12:29

Thank you for your replies.

Yes I have been paying into a pension. We don't have much money saved so my thought was to do another academic year and save like billy-o and then pack up.

My child struggles at school and I'd love to be more available to help him with homework etc. As it is, I'm so exhausted at the end of each day I tend to flop into bed at 7pm after I've cooked tea.

I get up early each day to fit housework in as otherwise the house descends into chaos very quickly.

I really enjoy housework and making everything tidy and pretty - I just struggle to do everything as well as my job.

OP posts:
CreamTeaFor4 · 03/09/2016 12:30

Do what works best for you, for your family.

I've not been out to work for 13 years and although we (DH & I) agree and support this choice, obviously it will effect my employability when I do rejoin the work force. That's my only regret, I miss my independence.

allthecarbs · 03/09/2016 12:31

What would you do all day? 6+ hours every day is a lot of time to fill.

VioletBam · 03/09/2016 12:33

Do it. Life's too short.

LemonRedwood · 03/09/2016 12:36

If you'd be able to cope on just your DH's salary and he is happy for you to do it, I'd do it. I don't think I could make the housework fill all day every day I'm a slattern , but then there would be the option of part time work (or volunteering if money isn't an issue)

Iggii · 03/09/2016 12:36

Your job is the problem, and your dh for not pulling his weight

CedricSydneySneer · 03/09/2016 12:37

Allthecarbs I know your question was to op but I think you can easily fill the day doing house stuff.

If you're going to keep the house really clean and organised, throw in gardening, cooking, washing, admin, shopping it can take some time.

I know people do all that and work full time but having someone at home does take the pressure off everything and everyone has more leisure time.

Personally I wouldn't give up work (just incase) but I can understand why someone would want to.

CedricSydneySneer · 03/09/2016 12:40

The dh should do more but I know what op means, my dh does housework but I never feel like he does it properly.

Original poster
LavenderLedge · 03/09/2016 12:40

Oh believe me, I could fill the day!

I also have my elderly parents nearby who are not in good health so it would free me up to be able to care for them better.

I suppose I worry what people will think...which is stupid I know.

OP posts:
JudyCoolibar · 03/09/2016 12:41

Go for a less stressful or part time job?

BigTroubleInLittleChina · 03/09/2016 12:41

Contrary to most of MN, when I was a SAHM I was happy to do all the housework, admin, kids etc My DH has a stressful job so it was easier for him too - he didn't have to come home and 'muck in'. There was always a hot meal ready when he came in, food in the cupboard, pack-ups ready, clean clothes in the cupboard.

I eventually got a part time job close to home, but was still able to be home for the DCs when they came home from school. We'd have tea and cakes at 3pm and moan about our days and my DC's (teens now) say they love this.

PoshPenny · 03/09/2016 12:42

I'd do it and look for a nice little lower stress local part time job to replace the stressful term time one, see what's available close to home. I do hear you, as I did the same thing when my girls were a similar age. My kids were very good about the less spare cash flying about, they were so happy to have me there present in both mind and body and listening to them as I wasn't stressed out any more. Things were tight, but it worked out just fine.

pengymum · 03/09/2016 12:42

Get a cleaner, look at other jobs for better balance to free up time. IMHO don't give up work unless you have alternative reliable income source. In this day & age, no telling what's around the corner.

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