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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

And a terrible mother to do this?

171 replies

daimbar · 02/09/2016 09:25

DD (14 months) has been waking in the night screaming hysterically for about 3 weeks.

Teething? nightmares? Tummy ache? Who knows. She is usually awake 1-3 hours in the night and will only settle after a bottle and / or being cuddled back to sleep. I work full time and am struggling.

She's exhausted, I'm exhausted, DP is exhausted the neighbours are probably exhausted too.

A week or so ago she had a heat rash and had a spoonful of baby piriton before bed. It made her drowsy and she slept a solid 11 hours.

DP is away this weekend. WIBU to give her piriton tonight as a one off, just so we both get a night of sleep?

OP posts:

GreenPetal94 · 02/09/2016 12:53

It seems an odd AIBU. You'd probably have felt fine doing this for a few nights if you hadn't posted it all over the internet, but now its a huge deal.

I hope you all get some sleep soon.

jellycat1 · 02/09/2016 12:55

Also please ignore the advice upthread to keep feeding her to sleep. That's making a rod for your own back. She shouldn't need it at that age if she's getting enough in the day. Who feeds her in the day? Most bad sleep habits are breakable but they take a few days of awfully disturbed nights for you. Would getting a sleep trainer/ night nurse in for a few nights be an option for you?

MrsJayy · 02/09/2016 12:56

Anti histamine can have the reverse effect if there is nothing to work with apparently can make them hyper you must be exhausted and it iis tempting its just piriton not as if you are pumping drugs into her.
It could be night terrors that is waking her can you have her sleep in with you just till it passes .

MLGs · 02/09/2016 13:03

Medised was withdrawn because of the paracetamol in it, wasnt it? People givomh to too much paracetamol in order to get the antihistamine. That antihistamine is I'm 6+ children's night cough medicine, so can't be why medised withdrawn for 6+.

Op maybe ask a gp about whether piriton is safe to give "just in case" (I.e. when you're not sure its needed).

Nhs does say leaving them to self settle is better than drugging though as drugging doesn't teach them to get to sleep by themselves.

That said, sometimes anything that breaks a cycle can be good - change of scene for example like staying at a relative's or getting someone else to do bedtime.

Mummaaaaaah · 02/09/2016 13:06

seriously don't beat yourself up about this. I've done it and I'm sure plenty of others have. I've also done the controlled crying. BUT, first you must get DC checked out for anything medical - so ears, infection, etc etc. So you know there isn't a physiological reason for the wakings.

Then you can try controlled crying to see if it is just a habit.

Also you can try a technique which worked for me on DS who got into a bad 4.30am habit which is very counter-intuitive at first but worked for us! You set your alarm (or DH does) for half an hour or so before DC usually wakes. Go in and just unsettle them a little. Half wake them up. They should go back to sleep and this changes their sleep rhythms if it is just a habit.

You could try piriton just the once, see if that shakes up patterns.

Or controlled crying. This would solve the issue if DC is waking and doesn't know how to settle back to sleep.

for you

Crunchymum · 02/09/2016 13:08

My DC2 has CMPA so we have Piriton (plus another brand which is the same) in case of a reaction. Have rarely used it. We did crack the Piriton open when she recently had chicken pox. Did it help her sleep? Like hell it did!!!

MumiTravels · 02/09/2016 13:09

Are you sure she's not waking up put of habit. Nothing like warm milk and cuddles in the middle of the night. Maybe she's struggling to self settle. If it's the same time every night then it's probably habitual.

Many will disgaree but I think she needs to learn to go back to sleep without milk and mummy cuddles or she'll just get used to it. Which will mean a bit of crying unfortunately.

We went through a patch of this with DS. Nights on end of milk. Cuddles etc. I was like a zombie at work and it wasn't safe. In the end once I was confident it was habitual then I left him to it. A few nights in he realised that no milk was on offer and still sleeps 14 - 16 hours a night now.

Mumandthemermaids · 02/09/2016 13:11

I had a similar thing with my youngest DD. Turned out it was a dairy intolerance. Switched to dairy free and it stopped. We only picked it up after I stopped breast feeding and put her on formula. She'd wake up in the early hours and scream for at least an hour xxx

Footyfan16 · 02/09/2016 13:11

Massive sympathies here - my DS2 is also 14 months.
He has not EVER slept through the night, in fact, he has not ever woken up less than twice in the night.
He screams, bashes his head about in his cot, gets up, cries, tries to climb out. Putting him in the bed does not help.
I have been back to full time employment since he was 10 weeks old, I have had to cope with pure lack of sleep since then. It's fucking hard for me and DH who also wakes up with Baby. He also only naps for one short nap per day, ruling out any weekend daytime naps for me!

However, I would not consider giving him something to make him sleep.
Firstly Piriton can make them hyper instead of sleepy (I 100% think this would happen with my kid!)
Secondly it's a medication - it has side effects and you never know what they will be until you try.

Personally I think lack of sleep is par for the course of being a parent.

I do feel for you but unfortunately you're just going to have to suck it up buttercup!

solidarity fistbump tho!

Original poster

daimbar · 02/09/2016 13:20

Thanks everyone for the replies and advice.

She does have a dummy but flings it out in rage when she's having these night episodes and hates us trying to put it back in

She started having the night time formula milk about three months ago and slept through like a dream for a whole week before having these night wakings.

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 02/09/2016 13:22

When 1 of mine went through this at 15ish months i stopped offering milk and just gave water and no lights just shushed her in her bedroom getting her up just made her worse and she woke up ready for the day

MrsJayy · 02/09/2016 13:24

Could the night time formula be giving her a windy tummy ?

Original poster

daimbar · 02/09/2016 13:31

I've started to think that too MrsJayy - she arches her back when she's screaming so it seems like she's in pain.

Just weird that she was fine on it at first.

Going to put her in my bed tonight for comfort and see if that helps.

Got friends visiting for the weekend, luckily they are good friends and may look after her for an hour or so while I nap if its another bad night.

OP posts:

Mrsglitterfairy · 02/09/2016 13:36

YA definitely NBU for feeling desperate, we've all been there and my heart goes out to you. It's exhausting when little ones (or not so little ones) don't sleep and can make you feel crazy.. But don't do it.. Maybe, if dp is away, bring your LO into your bed for the night.. Fun sleepover for them, possible better night's sleep for you.. Xx

Frumious · 02/09/2016 13:42

We were given a bottle of Phenergan by our GP (I could have kissed her with gratitude!) for this very purpose.
Weeks of ear infections had created a broken sleep pattern which was solved by 3 nights of a teaspoon of phenergan before bed. It broke the bad pattern and we've had great sleep ever since.
Go for it OP. Don't be a bloody martyr.

Mummaaaaaah · 02/09/2016 13:43

just seen your post about the night time formula - it could very well be this. I remember lots of friends had issues with it affecting DC tummies. Try normal formula (although can't they just have normal milk after 12 months anyway??)

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 02/09/2016 13:44

Surely going to GP about it is the thing to do if she has potentially been in pain for 3 weeks? Then they can prescribe something if needed for sleep too. I hope you get an appointment, I see you did mention one.

BagPusscatnip · 02/09/2016 13:44

I have to give my DD1 Piriton for hay fever; no idea if it makes her sleepy or not as she is a good sleeper anyway. DD2 on the other hand is not a good sleeper and when I have had to give her Piriton in the past it just makes her more hyper and naughty in the day also. And the effects seem to take ages to wear off.

Mummaaaaaah · 02/09/2016 13:45

in fact wasn't formula after 12 months shown to be purely a marketing gimmick by the formula companies and that in fact cows milk is nutritionally better and all the other nutrients will come from their diet?

morethanonebaby · 02/09/2016 13:47

Good luck over the weekend. A bit of trial and error re how you settle her might help. What can sometimes happen is they get used to getting a middle of the night snack, and they unconsciously take on a little less during the day. Then the next night comes and they can't understand why they aren't getting the formula or boob again. No reason why they can't go overnight without milk by 1, but if they've got used to it, it can be distressing once it's gone. If it were mine I'd gradually give less milk in the night, then switch to water, then maybe offer nothing at all, just a cuddle if they need it. This way she can get used to taking in enough calories during the day, and won't be upset and confused at night. Good luck! We have all been there!

MrsJayy · 02/09/2016 13:47

I would cut out the night time formula and go back to what you were giving or switch to cows milk those comfort formulas are made to make them fuller longer and sleep try cutting it out see if it makes any difference

whywonthedgehogssharethehedge · 02/09/2016 13:50

Parents drugging kids to sleep is why you can no longer buy the amazing medised.

You know YADBU to do it but we've all felt that desperation.

I second Drs if you can't find an obvious cause as it may be an ear infection.

frizzfactor · 02/09/2016 13:51

Im going against the grain and saying you would not be unreasonable as a one off. My ds is high functioning autistic and has great difficulty getting off to sleep. Once asleep he sleeps through. The doctor actually told me to give him piriton to try and get him to go to sleep earlier. However, I think you need to exclude all the other possible reasons as the doctor said it was just to try and kick start a habit of falling asleep before 10pm (he was 5 at the time)

If you are the sort of person who can't function without sleep, you get to a point of extreme desperation and will do anything for it. I totally understand the temptation and desire for sleep.

So, in summary, as a one off, yes, but after you've excluded other causes.

MrsJayy · 02/09/2016 13:52

Comfort milk to me is like us having a huge dinner before you go to bed and you wake up having those eaten to much stomach pains.

Galdos · 02/09/2016 13:53

My mum said she used to give us all a drop of sherry if we didn't sleep ... SOP in them days apparently.

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