Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

And a terrible mother to do this?

171 replies

daimbar · 02/09/2016 09:25

DD (14 months) has been waking in the night screaming hysterically for about 3 weeks.

Teething? nightmares? Tummy ache? Who knows. She is usually awake 1-3 hours in the night and will only settle after a bottle and / or being cuddled back to sleep. I work full time and am struggling.

She's exhausted, I'm exhausted, DP is exhausted the neighbours are probably exhausted too.

A week or so ago she had a heat rash and had a spoonful of baby piriton before bed. It made her drowsy and she slept a solid 11 hours.

DP is away this weekend. WIBU to give her piriton tonight as a one off, just so we both get a night of sleep?

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 02/09/2016 11:31

That makes no sense. If it is truely a 'one off' then you don't actually need to do it, do you. You just survive that one night and hang on to the next. If it is an ongoing problem (like the OP describes) then you need a more long-term solution.

Doping a hysterically screaming child (why is she screaming, is she in pain/sick/terrified?) to shut them up is actually really nasty.

jellycat1 · 02/09/2016 11:39

I agree with pp - nurofen much more effective than calpol for teething and lasts longer.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 02/09/2016 11:40

Sometimes breaking the habit of waking up once is enough, so yes I would try it as a one off.

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 02/09/2016 11:42

Sending cyber hugs OP.

I know how it feels to work full time and be sleep deprived and 'perfect parents' berate you over desperate measures.

I have sleep issues. Anxiety, stress etc. I also have a severe allergy problem and was prescribed antihistamines. They make you drowsy. i was actually thankful for them as I now sleep!

But I wouldn't do it. It's a 'one-off' that can lead to habits. I have been tempted myself though. At the weekend go easy on yourself and do plenty sitting, watch TV, stay in your PJs, drink lots of tea gin, whisky and coffee and relax. Don't make plans except plan to lounge and slob about.

Here. Have these on me. Brew Cake followed by this Wine and definitely some of this Chocolate

Original poster
daimbar · 02/09/2016 11:50

Thanks all the kind replies, the tea, chocolate and wine. I am working my way through the them all!

Have no idea what is upsetting her. Last night she had a huge supper with pudding and 9oz milk before bed but woke screaming at 1am so it's hard to believe she is hungry. The milk does settle her but we have tried calpol, teething granules and water first but they make her scream more.

DP isn't working and usually gets up with her but we live in a flat and it's hard to sleep through the blood curdling screams.

She seems fine in the day Confused

OP posts:
PeppaIsMyHero · 02/09/2016 11:51

I would definitely dose her up if it will help her sleep.

My DS had night terrors for a couple of months when he was about 17 months - hysterical screaming in the middle of the night without seeming to be awake. It nearly killed me (I was working FT too) but taking responsibility on alternate nights with DH got us through as you know you're only ever one day away from a proper night's sleep.

Good luck. Dose her up and then come up with a longer term strategy that will carry you all through to the other side.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 02/09/2016 11:53

It's time to visit GP and see what is causing her to scream at night. Solving that is more important than a temporary sleep fix (and I sympathise. .I do give my DD sedatives to sleep sometimes. .prescribed..but she is nearly 10 and has never slept through)

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 02/09/2016 11:53

Could be reflux related. Or ears.

TheCompanyOfCats · 02/09/2016 11:56

As a one off to catch up on sleep and be a better, more alive person tomorrow, I'd say do it.

People can be judgey but in the long-term, it's not going to make a whole lot of difference.

RumbleMum · 02/09/2016 12:04

I probably would once, so long as it's not going to become a habit. If you're working FT and never having a chance to catch up on sleep, you'll get ill and things will be even more desperate (and she'll be more vulnerable too if she's not sleeping well). Of course we shouldn't routinely give our children medicine they don't, strictly speaking, 'need', sometimes we have to decide which is the lesser of two evils.

BarbarianMum · 02/09/2016 12:08

The OP has a non-working partner to share nights with. There is no need for her never to catch up on sleep Hmm.

ayeokthen · 02/09/2016 12:10

Having had 3 who were terrible sleepers I fully understand the temptation, but you really can't do it. I've been at that point of desperation so many times but in the end I just knew it was wrong so couldn't do it.

icelollycraving · 02/09/2016 12:13

God, sleep deprivation made me feel utterly wretched. I tried cry it out, cuddling, silence, noise. Piriton only ever made ds quite bouncy rather than sleepy. Nurofen works better for pain & temp with ds. Poor you, it is really hard. Rule out illness though. Good luck! CakeWineFlowers

gandalf456 · 02/09/2016 12:13

*Yes, terrible decision.

If she only settles after a bottle why is she crying for up to three hours? Just give her the bottle.*

Unfortunately, this can become a habit without them actually needing it. Some babies become dependent on the sucking motion and don't actually need it for food. So giving them the bottle only encourages the waking. Trying to eek the baby out a little longer might help in some cases but it's not a guarantee

Doping a hysterically screaming child (why is she screaming, is she in pain/sick/terrified?) to shut them up is actually really nasty. If I were OP, I would be really hurt at this comment - especially when OP is suggesting this only as a one off. There are lots of reasons why a child is screaming in the night. In my case, it was separation anxiety but we still had to teach her that night time was for sleeping. I don't actually know how we sorted it but she was probably about 6 by the time we got a full night's sleep and even that was erratic. Unless you have been consistently sleep deprived for months, even years on end, it is absolutely impossible to understand. No one here deserves to be called nasty.

BarbarianMum · 02/09/2016 12:20

I have been in the OP's position, trust me. I was there for 4 years. And I didn't call her nasty, I said it would be a nasty thing to do - which I believe it would be. OP hasn't actually done it yet, she's thinking about it. Don't blame her for that.

But think of it this way - if this is a safe and effective use of piriton, why isn't it being sold as such? I'm sure there would be a big market for a safe drug that got children to sleep through the night.

eatyouwithaspoon · 02/09/2016 12:27

When my dc where young they had medised a couple of times when poorly abd it did maje them skeep, they took it off the shelf and when we tried to buy some when dc was ill the pharmacy told us that people came in every week to buy a bottle and were using it to medicate their children to sleep so was for over 6 only so this is nothing new really. I dont know if I would do it but if you are desperate, try to get some sleep during the day when dc is napping if you can FlowersBrew

Colourfulpast1975 · 02/09/2016 12:27

When my ds was little, we gave her Medised if we found ourselves in your predicament !

Olympiathequeen · 02/09/2016 12:32

Could be night terrors. They are awful.

Get her checked out medically for ear infection but if you are absolutely desperate a dose of piriton isn't the end of the world on a rare occasion. Certainly not every night but if the alternative is you are too tired to function and she is exhausted and distraught, it may just get her through this rough time.

Try all the usual things first though.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 02/09/2016 12:33

It was withdrawn because of the potential for nasty side effects, I believe.

Olympiathequeen · 02/09/2016 12:36

Would she take a dummy?

Sleep is more important than principles in my experience. Grin

PurpleOneWithTheNutIn · 02/09/2016 12:39

I have given calpol in a few instances such as these with all of my three children at a similar age, and am going through it at the moment with my third!

I see it as they might be in pain, they can't tell us, and it's scary for them. Calpol gives the opportunity to get some precious sleep. While it is never a first resort, I really struggle to get decent sleep anyway, and to miss out over an extended period is very hard!

Having said that, I also have had to accept night wakings are a part of development and as other posters have said are caused by many things. I mostly get up in the night and give sympathy and my presence without turning on lights or playing. Eventually he goes back to sleep and seems reassured by being able to see and touch me. I catch up on sleep or just rest when he naps during the day, so I cope.

There are times I just can't do this, I am a student sometimes on long intense placements and need to be well-rested. If I needed to, I would use calpol or similar if there were frequent and prolonged night wakings, and wouldn't judge anyone else for doing the same.

user1468518769 · 02/09/2016 12:41

Don't be ashamed. It's tough.

Saucisson2016 · 02/09/2016 12:45

It is a bit over the top to suggest giving a child recommended dose of an over-the-counter medicine is drugging them up. It will do her absolutely no harm. Do what you want to do and forget what other people think. My mum used to pour Calpol down my neck and my dummy was dipped in a variety of alcohol and I am still here to tell the tale Grin

LemonScentedStickyBat · 02/09/2016 12:50

It always turned out to be teething with us. One dose of Calpol, at bedtime, two or three nights in a row, always got us through. Obviously after you've checked to see what else it could be, and not if it is actually night terrors (where they don't seem to be properly awake and interacting with you, just screaming)

jellycat1 · 02/09/2016 12:50

Does she use a dummy op?