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AIBU?

MIL took back offer

87 replies

Crazycatlady123 · 31/08/2016 18:04

Beginning of the year after moving to our first proper home, my MIL insisted she wanted to buy our pram for us when we we got pregnant. She has separated from my FIL and they're selling the house, but she offered after this all happened when we had started trying.

I'm 4 months pregnant, and lo and behold, she can no longer afford to buy our pram. I feel like it's all BS, her life is and will continue to be comfortable after moving. What winds me up even more is that she's like 'oh you must buy this make/that make' etc, at expensive options we can't afford.

It's not like we can't afford to buy a pram ourselves we're just more limited with what we can afford, but I'm pissed off that she offered in the first place then took it back. It would be a different story if it were for her 25 yr old daughter, who has always been spoilt and more favoured child of their family.

AIBU?

OP posts:

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MalbecAndLindt · 31/08/2016 20:04

Sorry YABU. My parents have very generously offered to buy us a pram (the one I've got my heart set on which isn't cheap). This is on top of my mum buying some gorgeous sleepsuits, blanket and crib bedding and know she'll end up buying other bits and pieces (long awaited first grandchild). We've tentatively agreed in going half for the pram but if they decide they couldn't afford it, wouldn't bother me aso my baby, my responsibility. Same as other family (eg my brothers) who have said they would like to buy something for the baby. If they couldn't for whatever reason, then it doesn't matter as it would be a gift not an expectation!

Your MIL can't afford it so time to move on and buy it yourself.

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PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 31/08/2016 20:06

If your MIL is good in other ways I would definitely get over the pram thing. You may find, if/when you return to work she offers a day child care which can save you a small fortune.
I do think women tend to have a closer relationship to their daughters (at least I'm closer to my mum than DP is to his mum) which maybe why you see SIL as the favourite?

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ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 31/08/2016 20:06

You sound quite nasty and bitter

No she doesn't

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Inertia · 31/08/2016 20:12

I think you're right to diplomatically give her the benefit of the doubt- her marriage has just ended, her finances might be very much worse than she realised.

If she regularly lets you down and ostentatiously favours her daughter, then this might turn out to be a blessing in disguise. You wouldn't want her to buy the pram and then insist on taking it back to give to her daughter since she bought it. Buy it yourself, get the one you want, and then it's yours to use and keep as you please.

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StrangeLookingParasite · 31/08/2016 20:15

You sound quite nasty and bitter. You chose to get pregnant to you buy the stuff you need!

It isn't her that sounds bitter...
And the second staement, not the point, so stupid.

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Yorkieheaven · 31/08/2016 20:16

Hope you are supporting her through what sounds a really tough time op. Divorce and selling her house must be so hard.

Let it go. Your baby your choice but the equipment.

Maybe her own dd is more loving and supportive.

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FRETGNIKCUF · 31/08/2016 20:20

Unfortunately lots of Gms favour daughters kids over sons.

YANBU

But for your own sanity let it go.

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CRazzyyAce · 31/08/2016 20:23

My mil never contributed in a large way towards either of my DC even though my side of the family did, she wasn't obliged to and she got what she could afford. The same with her own DD Her inlaws have bought alsorts bought nursery furniture half on the pram but they are extremely wealthy. Sometimes people don't realise the cost of baby equipment.

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Thinkingblonde · 31/08/2016 20:24

Don't rely on her for anything from now on. Next time she says you must buy or make anything just say you'll think about it or you have something else in mind. She probably was full of good intentions but you don't really know how she's fixed.

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CRazzyyAce · 31/08/2016 20:24

I would actually prefer she made more time for the DC than buying material stuff but again I can't make people.

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RainbowUnicornPoop · 31/08/2016 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yorkieheaven · 31/08/2016 23:02

Fret

What do you base that sweeping generalisation on?

I don't and no one in my family does. My mil didn't.

Just as many mils/dils get on in RL as don't. It's just people only complain if the relationship is crap.

I think it's quite normal for a woman to be closer to her mother than her mil, conveniently she may take her kids to see her mum more than her mil. That's understandable.

However I really don't think most mils favour their dds kids over theyr sons kids. That's horrible and don't think it's the norm.