MIL took back offer

[Crazycatlady123]

Beginning of the year after moving to our first proper home, my MIL insisted she wanted to buy our pram for us when we we got pregnant. She has separated from my FIL and they're selling the house, but she offered after this all happened when we had started trying.

I'm 4 months pregnant, and lo and behold, she can no longer afford to buy our pram. I feel like it's all BS, her life is and will continue to be comfortable after moving. What winds me up even more is that she's like 'oh you must buy this make/that make' etc, at expensive options we can't afford.

It's not like we can't afford to buy a pram ourselves we're just more limited with what we can afford, but I'm pissed off that she offered in the first place then took it back. It would be a different story if it were for her 25 yr old daughter, who has always been spoilt and more favoured child of their family.

AIBU?

[Yorkieheaven]

Fret

What do you base that sweeping generalisation on?

I don't and no one in my family does. My mil didn't.

Just as many mils/dils get on in RL as don't. It's just people only complain if the relationship is crap.

I think it's quite normal for a woman to be closer to her mother than her mil, conveniently she may take her kids to see her mum more than her mil. That's understandable.

However I really don't think most mils favour their dds kids over theyr sons kids. That's horrible and don't think it's the norm.

[CRazzyyAce]

I would actually prefer she made more time for the DC than buying material stuff but again I can't make people.

[Thinkingblonde]

Don't rely on her for anything from now on. Next time she says you must buy or make anything just say you'll think about it or you have something else in mind. She probably was full of good intentions but you don't really know how she's fixed.

[CRazzyyAce]

My mil never contributed in a large way towards either of my DC even though my side of the family did, she wasn't obliged to and she got what she could afford. The same with her own DD Her inlaws have bought alsorts bought nursery furniture half on the pram but they are extremely wealthy. Sometimes people don't realise the cost of baby equipment.

[FRETGNIKCUF]

Unfortunately lots of Gms favour daughters kids over sons.

YANBU

But for your own sanity let it go.

[Yorkieheaven]

Hope you are supporting her through what sounds a really tough time op. Divorce and selling her house must be so hard.

Let it go. Your baby your choice but the equipment.

Maybe her own dd is more loving and supportive.

[StrangeLookingParasite]

You sound quite nasty and bitter. You chose to get pregnant to you buy the stuff you need!

It isn't her that sounds bitter...
And the second staement, not the point, so stupid.

[Inertia]

I think you're right to diplomatically give her the benefit of the doubt- her marriage has just ended, her finances might be very much worse than she realised.

If she regularly lets you down and ostentatiously favours her daughter, then this might turn out to be a blessing in disguise. You wouldn't want her to buy the pram and then insist on taking it back to give to her daughter since she bought it. Buy it yourself, get the one you want, and then it's yours to use and keep as you please.

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

You sound quite nasty and bitter

No she doesn't

[PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon]

If your MIL is good in other ways I would definitely get over the pram thing. You may find, if/when you return to work she offers a day child care which can save you a small fortune.
I do think women tend to have a closer relationship to their daughters (at least I'm closer to my mum than DP is to his mum) which maybe why you see SIL as the favourite?

[MalbecAndLindt]

Sorry YABU. My parents have very generously offered to buy us a pram (the one I've got my heart set on which isn't cheap). This is on top of my mum buying some gorgeous sleepsuits, blanket and crib bedding and know she'll end up buying other bits and pieces (long awaited first grandchild). We've tentatively agreed in going half for the pram but if they decide they couldn't afford it, wouldn't bother me aso my baby, my responsibility. Same as other family (eg my brothers) who have said they would like to buy something for the baby. If they couldn't for whatever reason, then it doesn't matter as it would be a gift not an expectation!

Your MIL can't afford it so time to move on and buy it yourself.

[Lollyp333]

You sound quite nasty and bitter. You chose to get pregnant to you buy the stuff you need!

[AyeAmarok]

Good on you OP

[SleepDeprivedAndCranky]

Plenty of people make empty promises. Don't let it get to you. Enjoy your pregnancy

[keeprunninguphill]

Buy a second hand pram.

[Cozytoesandtoast00]

Good reply. Rant away!

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

Hey, if you can't rant on here to find out if you're being unreasonable where can you ey?

You're right op. You've taken it much better than I did the first time I was told IWBU

congratulations on your pregnancy.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Nicely done op

[Crazycatlady123]

OMG can't believe the number of replies. Thanks for the advice ladies.

It's put things in perspective, I am being unreasonable. I just felt disappointed because it's not the first time she's let us down.

And for those that mentioned it, there is more history that doesn't help how I feel.

But for the record I'm not an angry person, sorry if my frustration comes across that way. And I'm not entitled, we've never asked for anything off anyone, and was looking at mid range models not bugaboos!

Who ever said anything about non contact? that's not going to happen, would never dream of it. My MIL can be a pain but I do care for her despite it being rocky at times.

Thanks again for all your advice. Hey, if you can't rant on here to find out if you're being unreasonable where can you ey?

Xx

[expatinscotland]

FFS, it's a fucking pram, not a promise to pay for a life-saving treatment. Get over it.

[Teddy1970]

Like others have said, perhaps she didn't realise how expensive prams and a lot of other things are these days, my parents are still stuck in the 70s regarding the cost of things, and PIL are under the impression you can buy a large detached house in West Sussex with about 6 acres for about £350,000! But I wouldn't get the arse about the pram, you don't know if her financial circumstances have changed since she made the offer.