MIL took back offer

[Crazycatlady123]

Beginning of the year after moving to our first proper home, my MIL insisted she wanted to buy our pram for us when we we got pregnant. She has separated from my FIL and they're selling the house, but she offered after this all happened when we had started trying.

I'm 4 months pregnant, and lo and behold, she can no longer afford to buy our pram. I feel like it's all BS, her life is and will continue to be comfortable after moving. What winds me up even more is that she's like 'oh you must buy this make/that make' etc, at expensive options we can't afford.

It's not like we can't afford to buy a pram ourselves we're just more limited with what we can afford, but I'm pissed off that she offered in the first place then took it back. It would be a different story if it were for her 25 yr old daughter, who has always been spoilt and more favoured child of their family.

AIBU?

[FlyingElbows]

Op if there's one thing everyone who buys a huge expensive pram for a first baby learns it's that nobody needs a huge expensive pram! There's more to having a baby than buying a pram. If your Mil wants to buy her daughter 346 prams that's entirely up to her.

[strongswans]

I'd be annoyed, so YANBU but if she can't afford it there isn't much you can do.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Yabu. You also sound rather angry.

[AyeAmarok]

WTF Horse? So you think the OP shouldn't allow her MIL to see the baby because she didn't cough up for a pram?!

Bloody hell.

Maybe she has only now realised how much a divorce is going to cost her and she doesn't have the cash to spare. Separations are expensive.

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

Yes, yes. You should definitely use your child as a pawn in a game with your MIL because she can't afford a pram. Great advice Horse

[takesnoprisoners]

Can't blame her. You sound like real hard work.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

I'd buy my own pram and then when she wants to see dgc I'd be otherwise engaged or have plans.

New winner for The Most Childish, Ridiculous and Pathetic Reaction to not Getting Your Own Way Award.

Seriously? Stopping a grandparent from seeing their grandchild because they didn't buy you something? That is actually one of the most selfish, stupid and self centred comments I've ever seen on here.

[Libitina]

YABU

Either make do with the pram you can afford or buy a second hand one.

[Gazelda]

I get that you're disappointed. But you don't necessarily really know the whole story. And it's not fair to assume her finances or bring jealousy over your SIL as a factor.

Don't let this spoil your relationship with your MIL. And certainly don't withhold contact with the baby from her!

[ample]

YANBU, you just sound angry and disappointed. I would be disappointed too if an offer was made and then retracted.
I wouldn't take into account anything your MIL says from now on (especially any future 'offers' as the likelihood is she won't deliver).
I would also not pay any attention to her ideas on brands and models. It's not her baby, it's yours. Baby will be happy in a pram that has the basics, no designer name needed. Save the money for other things. There will always be other things once baby come along

[ample]

*comes along

[YouTheCat]

What ample said.

Don't rely on her.

[LIZS]

Things have changed. Would you not have got pg if you didn't have the offer. I rather suspect it wasn't material to the decision, so just choose one you can afford.

[Absofrigginlootly]

As an aside your baby may REFUSE to go in your pram! My DD did! Used a sling until she was about 8 months when she was happy in the upright forward facing pushchair attachment.... You may find you don't need a pram!

[tofutti]

YANBU. I think some people get caught up in the excitement and make promises they later regret.

Which isn't of much use to you.

You now know she can't be relied on but don't give her the satisfaction of kicking up a fuss about her flakiness.

Next time she suggests what you should get, tell her you know your budget and needs best and will sort it out yourself.

[Ditsy4]

I can understand you are disappointed but she is now unable to help and you are only 4 months pregnant so in 6 months time who knows.

If you are buying you will be chosing the one you want. Budget now and you can save towards it and if anyone else asks perhaps you could ask for vouchers for the shop then put it towards the pram near or after the birth. Keep a look out for sales and Christmas will be before birth so perhaps you could ask family for money or vouchers.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.

[MissOnomer]

Does she have form for this sort of thing? My parents in law are shockers for promising the moon and then letting us down last minute. They also expect to have a say in everything too. It used to make me soooo angry. Now I expect them to let me down and have a plan b and go along with whatever they say.....and then do what I want anyway. I'm not angry any more, I understand they tend to get carried away with enthusiasm without thinking it through, there isn't any malice. Not saying that's the case for you though.

[rookiemere]

I think YANBU.

Fair enough her circumstances have changed, so perhaps she doesn't have spare funds to buy one, but in that case she doesn't get to dictate what you spend your own money on, so next time she talks about getting a designer one just tell her that it's out of your budget.

FWIW we used our expensive travel system for about 2 months with DS and then quickly swapped it for a second hand £50 Maclaren that DH bought from someone at his work, as the pram was too bulky and heavy to take anywhere.

[SandyY2K]

when she wants to see dgc I'd be otherwise engaged or have plans !

You do know she's not the only parent right? Would you say this if it was the OPs mum who retracted the offer as well?

Mils are just a bloody nightmare in my experience.

How many MILS have you had? T


OP, I understand you being upset, but let it go and buy the pram. Tell MIL that you and DH will decide what equipment the baby needs, in as nice a way as possible.

[bimbobaggins]

I don't think you sound like a very angry person at all. It's natural to be disappointed when someone has offered you something and then backed out of it.

[Horsegirl1]

I have one mil and been with dh since I was 16. My comment about dgc was a light hearted comment. Ffs of course it's not right she stopped contact. Jeez lighten up !!! I have very serious issues with my mil so it has clouded my judgement.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Op I am going to go against the grain. Yanbu at all to feel let down and disappointed, especially as there are previous issues and this is not a one off, but an example of how her dd is more favoured than her ds, who is your partner. Your hormones are probably all over the place as evident in your op, just deep breath and lower your expectations of her.

[AndieNZ]

I'm surprised at the responses you have had to be honest.

I think it's understandable for you to feel annoyed that she has offered the pram, and then taken back her offer citing she can't afford it when you have said that she leads a comfortable life and has expensive tastes.

But I wouldnt waste anymore energy on her getting any more upset/ annoyed over it. Let it go and enjoy your pregnancy.

[mollie123]

poor MILs cannot do right for doing wrong
You sound very entitled to me - instead of being unreasonable about her retraction of a very kind offer - how do you know her circs have not changed - she does not HAVE to buy you a pram. Try putting yourself in her shoes.