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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have made dds get back in the pool?

100 replies

Dancergirl · 31/08/2016 08:37

I'm feeling a bit shit and guilty this morning.

Yesterday I took my dds (15, 13 and 9) to an outdoor pool as the weather was so nice. I asked them if they wanted to go and they were keen. We don't have any outdoor pools nearby so we had about a 40 min drive but that was fine.

Arrived, they got changed and went in the pool. After a while I asked them if they wanted food and that we should order it as they stopped serving hot food after a certain time. Ordered food and when it came, they got out to eat.

Lazed around for a while while digesting and read etc. Later on, dd3 wanted to go back in the pool but with one of her sisters. Older two not keen on getting back in. I thought after travelling to the pool and paying admission, they should swim a bit more. Dd2 reluctantly got back in with dd3, but was sulky and obviously not enjoying it and dd3 was upset that her sister was in a bit of a mood.

Came home, dd1 told me I had been unreasonable, she had had her swim and that was enough.

I feel horribly guilty now, I think they are right. I didn't swim myself, in hindsight I probably should have.

So I've been horrible and controlling right? Sad

OP posts:
NoahVale · 31/08/2016 08:39

but you shouldnt swim after eating anyway.
and yes, you should have got in and led by example

Soubriquet · 31/08/2016 08:41

If the older two didn't want to get back in, you should have left them. Not everyone wants to swim all day. You obviously didn't

whattheseithakasmean · 31/08/2016 08:41

I think horrible & controlling is over egging it a bit. Maybe a touch bossy to make a 13 year old have a second swim with her little sister, but that is hardly the worst thing that could happen to her. Meh, no biggie, let it go.

TheWitTank · 31/08/2016 08:42

Yes, you have really. I hate swimming after a meal and wouldn't go back in either.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/08/2016 08:42

You were a bit controlling, yes. Pick your battles because your children will remember them.

Why didn't you swim yourself?

SomedayBaby · 31/08/2016 08:43

You can't get it right all the time. Say sorry to DD1 and 2 and move on...it doesn't sound so bad that you should feel guilty for an extended period.

phillipp · 31/08/2016 08:44

I think ywbu. You wouldn't get in yourself but forced her to go and play with your youngest.

Why didn't you get in? You also travelled and paid to get in. Surely that means you had to swim too, going by your own rules.

Joolsy · 31/08/2016 08:44

Personally I would have definitely got in with the youngest and left the older 2 to do what they wanted

SandyY2K · 31/08/2016 08:45

The younger DD should have been told her sisters didn't want to swim anymore, so she swims alone or not at all.

I think you should apologise to the middle DD.

PandasRock · 31/08/2016 08:46

I think that either (or both, maybe 15 minutes each?) older dds should have swum a bit more with their younger sister - it's not fun swimming on your own, and it wouldn't kill them to do that small thing for someone else.

IMurderedStampyLongnose · 31/08/2016 08:49

Wise up,apologise to the dc!you went to effort and trouble to bring them to the pool which they wanted to do.it will hardy kill them to swim a bit more with their sister.Sometimes kids just have to do what they're asked,end of,you hardly made them swim the Chanel!

phillipp · 31/08/2016 08:49

t's not fun swimming on your own, and it wouldn't kill them to do that small thing for someone else.

It wouldn't have killed the op either though.

Op didn't do something awful, but I do think she should have got in rather than forcing her kids.

Secretmetalfan · 31/08/2016 08:49

I would have got in myself. It's a bit lazy to expect your DD to do your job

HermioneJeanGranger · 31/08/2016 08:52

If the youngest wanted to swim again, you should have gotten in with her.

Original poster
Dancergirl · 31/08/2016 08:52

pandas that was exactly the point I was making to them.

I didn't bring my swimming stuff as I thought they would have fun together and didn't need me. I was wrong though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dancergirl · 31/08/2016 08:52

It was a light meal and a good 45 mins later so fine to swim then.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 31/08/2016 09:00

www.medicinenet.com/summer_debunking_summer_health_myths/views.htm
No-one has ever been documented to have drowned from eating on a full stomach. If you do vogorous swimming rather than kid splashing you might get cramp but you then just get out of the pool.
www.bbc.com/future/story/20130401-can-you-swim-just-after-eating

Topseyt · 31/08/2016 09:00

I don't see why the youngest wanting another swim meant her older sisters actually had to when they didn't want to.

It also isn't logical that YOU went to the pool without taking your own swimming kit. YOU should have been able and willing to get in with your youngest, but instead you caused a scene.

NoahVale · 31/08/2016 09:02

and another thing, Wink
You should really have brought a Picnic.

NoahVale · 31/08/2016 09:03

but actually, they should have swum, that's what you paid for, oth, they are teens and wanted to emulate your sunbathing perhaps

youarenotkiddingme · 31/08/2016 09:06

As the oldest of 3 I don't think YABU.

My mum use to ask me to swim with my younger brother sometimes to entertain him. Once when I questioned why she couldn't Blush my mum reminded me I had 3 years of her sole attention and another 4 when I only had to share it with my sister. My brother has always had 2 siblings to share attention with.

As a result at 18 I loved taking my brother to Mac Donald's etc as a treat with my wages. And in hindsight I'm glad I spent the time then with him as I moved out, abroad, at 19 (he was 12) and haven't spent 'quality' time with him since even though I returned to uk 10 years ago. Because he was an adult when I returned and is now in the forces.

Ditsy4 · 31/08/2016 09:07

No, I think it is fair enough. You drove them, treated them to lunch and they had 45 mins relaxation after it.
I think it was fair enough to ask her sister to go back in with her little sister. It is sometimes what you have to do as the big sister. I wouldn't apologise. If she complains today I would just remind her of some of the things you do when you might not want to. Tell her it is life...get over it!
In hindsight it might be wise either to take your own swimsuit and go in with younger daughter or take a pal for her but we are all good at hindsight. I would let them mouch about at home today and any complaints find some chores for them to do. It always worked for me. My kids never complained much as I found them jobs to do like cleaning out the shed! Never heard " I'm bored."

Mycraneisfixed · 31/08/2016 09:13

You should have taken your swim stuff and all gone in the pool together. Kids enjoy having fun with grown ups, even their parents. I often go to the lido or beach with DC and DGC and we all go in the pool or sea together.
You're not (just) their chauffeur, you're part of the family so play with them!

WellErrr · 31/08/2016 09:13

I think that either (or both, maybe 15 minutes each?) older dds should have swum a bit more with their younger sister - it's not fun swimming on your own, and it wouldn't kill them to do that small thing for someone else

This.

No wonder kids are so fucking entitled these days judging by the replies on here.

yoowhoo · 31/08/2016 09:15

OP yanbu, you paid a lor of money (probably) for something the girls presumably wanted to do. 10 mins each would not have killed them!
And it annoys me when people say 'you shouldn't swim after eating' It's rubbish. OP wasn't asking them to compete in the Olympics. Just a splash around. When I was growing up I played a swimming water based sport. I trained so much that it would be impossible to not eat before swimming!