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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have made dds get back in the pool?

100 replies

Dancergirl · 31/08/2016 08:37

I'm feeling a bit shit and guilty this morning.

Yesterday I took my dds (15, 13 and 9) to an outdoor pool as the weather was so nice. I asked them if they wanted to go and they were keen. We don't have any outdoor pools nearby so we had about a 40 min drive but that was fine.

Arrived, they got changed and went in the pool. After a while I asked them if they wanted food and that we should order it as they stopped serving hot food after a certain time. Ordered food and when it came, they got out to eat.

Lazed around for a while while digesting and read etc. Later on, dd3 wanted to go back in the pool but with one of her sisters. Older two not keen on getting back in. I thought after travelling to the pool and paying admission, they should swim a bit more. Dd2 reluctantly got back in with dd3, but was sulky and obviously not enjoying it and dd3 was upset that her sister was in a bit of a mood.

Came home, dd1 told me I had been unreasonable, she had had her swim and that was enough.

I feel horribly guilty now, I think they are right. I didn't swim myself, in hindsight I probably should have.

So I've been horrible and controlling right?

OP posts:

timefortea33 · 31/08/2016 09:16

Did u want someone in with DD3 because you were concerned she might not be safe by herself? Or because she wanted company? I guess it doesn't make a huge difference, but the former is a reasonable concern (and hopefully most teens would accept that they could occasionally help out in that way). If it's just coz she wanted company, it seems a bit as if she has priority over the others (maybe a habit from when she was the baby, but not so appropriate now she's 9)?

MLGs · 31/08/2016 09:17

I'm a bit on the fence. I don't have teens myself yet.

You don't want to make dd2 resent her sister by making her be the minder, but then again you had paid and driven them there etc.

I think ideally you would have brought your swimming stuff in case it was needed. Maybe predictable that you might be wanted, given the age gap and just usual child/teen behaviour?

But in a way you would hope dd2 or dd1 would have gone back in with their sister to be kind, not because you forced them.

Original poster

Dancergirl · 31/08/2016 09:17

time it was for company. It's boring swimming by yourself, she finds it anyway.

OP posts:

Original poster

Dancergirl · 31/08/2016 09:19

Yes should have brought my stuff. On holiday recently they had a really good time in the pool the 3 of them (or sometimes a combination of 2) so I didn't think I would be needed. Plus I'm a rubbish swimmer!

OP posts:

RedMapleLeaf · 31/08/2016 09:21

I thought after travelling to the pool and paying admission, they should...

"Sunk Cost Fallacy" I was often a victim of this.

NoahVale · 31/08/2016 09:22

i expect it is end of holidayitis, tired and bored and wanting to go back to school

lostoldlogin2 · 31/08/2016 09:23

Bloody hell if this is the worst mistake you've made you are doing all right. Controlling???? Nope.....just normal! Get in the pool with your little sister for a bit .....not the most unreasonable of demands! Wouldn't give it a second thought!

NavyandWhite · 31/08/2016 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieNormas · 31/08/2016 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trifleorbust · 31/08/2016 09:24

Some hilarious replies on here. "Where was your swimming stuff, OP"

😂

The children wanted to swim; OP took them swimming. Why does it matter that she didn't want to swim herself? She's the adult, she can sunbathe if she wants to.

meowli · 31/08/2016 09:26

In my day 15 and 13 year olds would have been expected to entertain/look after their younger siblings for whole days, let alone just going for a swim with them for 30 mins.

Most teenagers these days - and I fully include my own - truly don't know they're born.

kali110 · 31/08/2016 09:27

Yanbu. It didn't kill your dd.
That's what you were there for!
Swimming after eating is a myth....

clare2307 · 31/08/2016 09:27

Maybe slightly unreasonable but it's not the crime of the century and if that's all your kids have to complain about then they are pretty lucky You didn't have your swim stuff, youngest wanted to swim some more, not a big deal to insist one of her sisters play with her for a little while. Don't stress.

PacificOcean · 31/08/2016 09:28

Agree with the posters saying this is no big deal. You could have handled this differently, but what you did was ok. No need for guilt or angst.

merrymouse · 31/08/2016 09:31

I agree with those saying lead by example. It's normal for a 9 year old to want to spend more time playing than a 15 year old. If you don't want to get in the water, why would it look appealing to them?

Original poster

Dancergirl · 31/08/2016 09:31

Thank you. I suppose I am quite hard on myself when I make mistakes. But we've all been there I suppose.

And we all enjoyed the late afternoon ice cream on the way home by the river watching the ducks, so not all bad.

OP posts:

merrymouse · 31/08/2016 09:33

However, I'd also say that sometimes people are just feeling a bit fed up with each other by the end of the holidays and a bit of grumpiness isn't the end of the world - you were tired they were tired, there will be other fun trios to the pool.

merrymouse · 31/08/2016 09:33

Trips!

Trifleorbust · 31/08/2016 09:34

No, parents do enough leading by example every time they put a load of washing on, cook a meal, drive their kids somewhere, pay for new clothes or a trip for them. Kids and parents have different roles in a family. The OP is perfectly within her rights to expect her children to do something she isn't doing herself right at that moment.

meowli · 31/08/2016 09:35

Swimming after eating is a myth....

We once rented a holiday villa with a pool in Lanzarote. In the information folder was a warning about not using the pool within an hour of eating, as it could prove FATAL! We thought that was slightly ott

Wellywife · 31/08/2016 09:38

YANBU. I wouldn't have forced middle DC to get in but I'd have done a bit of pleading then resorted to bribery .

merrymouse · 31/08/2016 09:38

Personally, I'd rather lead by example by jumping into a pool on a hot day than loading the dishwasher, but each to their own I suppose!

DixieNormas · 31/08/2016 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trifleorbust · 31/08/2016 09:41

I think it's a bit of a fad in parenting to pretend children and parents are all equal and have the same amount of say in what happens. Certainly not in my house 😂

Actually, what young people need is to be guided and to have boundaries set for them. Sometimes that will involve saying, "No, you've had your fun and you are going to do something for someone else now."

phillipp · 31/08/2016 09:42

She's the adult, she can sunbathe if she wants to.

I really dislike this attitude. An adult can do what she wants, even when it's one of her kids that wants someone to play with, but the other children must play with their sibling when told they must.

The op didn't do anything. Massively wrong. We all make small mistakes. But I don't like the attitude that siblings must entertain each other as and when parents demand.

When I had Ds it out no obligation on Dd at all.

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