To wish I'd had c-sections?

[restofthetimes]

My two best friends have both split up with the fathers of their children, and have met new partners - one serious, and other having fun.

They both mentioned how pleased they are they had sections for their children, as their vayjays are still unscathed. (They didn't choose them at the time, had emergencies, then planned for second babies). Now this isn't something you'd discuss with a new nct or school gate type friend. But these girls I've known since I was 7.

I'm quite unhappy with DH - not so bothered, but partly I do think I'd have more confidence with a new partner if there weren't changes (probably discernible only to me) down there.

Has anyone else ever thought of this? It is horribly unfeminist of me?

Hmmm, interesting DoinItFine - however there have a been cross cultural studies showing that women engage in many practices concerning their vaginas motivated by many things, including ways to increase pleasure for the man. An interesting one here:

www.academia.edu/1092451/A_cross_cultural_study_of_vaginal_practices_and_sexuality_Implications_for_sexual_health

Its not just our culture, its pretty universal.

I had episiotomies both times, I honestly don't know what if anything is difference - but yes, it does affect my confidence.

Obviously, this is slightly moot, as I do want things to work out with my DH as a first choice.

restofthetimes - You needn't worry - I have had relationships with childless women and those with children - and in a Blind Taste Test I, like most men, would struggle to tell the difference - that said, if someone loves you, would they care either way...? -

I second, fuck off pasta princess.

I had an emergency section, have a barely noticeable scar, no overhang and no traumatic memories. And no damage elsewhere either, thanks.

Please don't let those comments scare you if you find yourself having to have a c section.

I had an episiotomy and tore badly but was stitched up so that, IMO, it looks better than it did before! Bonus.

Totally agree with what Doinit said. GOD FORBID an important MAN should ever have to suffer a less-than-perfect vagina.

Any new man better have a ten inch cock of solid gold before I'd give a flying toss what they thought of my vagina.

They should consider themselves privileged to get near it at all.

Misogyny is common across msny cultures, it's true.

It's still shit.

I wish I'd been able to have a vaginal birth. I've got an apron now which makes me so self confident now. I don't wear nice clothes anymore just stuff that hides the tum. I hate warm days as I just want to hide under a cardigan.

I'd rather be a bit looser and to be fair I don't think my husband would care if it was a bit looser considering a baby would have flew out of there.

The scar doesn't bother me. It's just a mark but the flap does.

One of the weirdest things I've heard after sex from two different guys who hadn't slept with a woman who'd had a baby before was "I'm surprised, you can't tell you've had a baby". As much as they meant it as a compliment the whole "I was worried about sex with someone who'd given birth" thing was rather disconcerting.

This is something that had never ever crossed my mind.

YABU

I've had 2 children and my vjay, would be the least of my problems if I was no longer with my DH. my births were normal SVD with no tearing or trauma.

Before I gave birth I wanted a c section, bevsuse I was afraid of the pain of delivery. Having spoken to friends who have had both c sections and nirmal deliveries, they much prefer the normal deliveries.

Recovery from c sections is much longer than 6 weeks. In fact my friend can still feel it if she presses in thst area 16 years later.

Erm, oh dear. This is not a great thread.

I had an emergency section with dc1 after a scan showed a problem. All on my mind was arguing with dh that he should save the baby not me. I then had two VBACs. Nearly died with the second. Still not interested in what was happening to my vagina.

I can't see my scar, am fat, no idea if my fanny looks different but for us, being alive with live babies (lost two) is what matters and if I was to leave DH I can't ever see it crossing my mind. Even if I shagged a previous lover there is no way they'd know how I gave birth.

Maybe work on your value.

What the fuck is with our society and expecting women to bounce back to their pre-pregnancy body after kids? I mean Jesus Christ. Do you know how many women died trying to do what we did? And you're worried your vagina will be loose.

Our fucking society needs to get its priorites straight.

This is a sad thread. But one I can completely understand.

I've been given all barrels, sadly. I had vaginal births, health issues as a result of that, 'wizards sleeve' of a fanny and I also have lots of overhang/ excess skin on my tummy area.
The thought of ever splitting with DH and being in such a vulnerable position as to show all this to another man makes me break out in a cold sweat.

OP, as you already suggest it's probably just you who notices, then just kegel your butt off and remember it could be much worse.

There is such misogyny. I recently heard 2 young men talking about a woman they mutually knew. And how she had slept with lots of men and what a 'train wreck' she must be 'down there'. Ridiculous way of trying to keep the women down.

I will confess now to jokingly saying similar. That I'm glad for having C sections as I was "honeymoon perfect" when I met DP. (In actual fact I have issues being too small and tight, but whole other thread)

Although it is crass, it is not something I come out with straight away, it's almost like a knee jerk reaction - usually to someone saying "ooooh I can't imagine having sex with someone else, I'm so lucky to be loved up with my dh, poor you being divorced" etc.

So I joke in retaliation. Not sure if your friends are similar.

Tbh, my main thing was my stretch marks and wobbly belly. DP never saw these grow, never made allowances for babies.

BUT it means he's never known me any other way and loves me as I am. So swings and roundabouts and all that.

I've had a CS and there is definitely no overhang of fat and the scar has healed beautifully. Very quick recovery afterwards as well. I wanted to say that because I don't want people having a CS to be put off either.

I'm having a planned CS this time round as the last one was an emergency.

Tbh I think that the health and wellbeing of the baby played a bigger part in the decision process than meeting future blokes

I'd rather have a saggy vag than traumatic memories, a big scar and a lovely fat apron

unfortunately it's not an either/ or. I have all 4 of those and incontinence to boot.

I feel ya OP. I hate my vag now. DP thinks it feel tighter and totally fine but I know it looks and feels different (and has affected my pleasure not his). I fucking hate what having a baby has done. My body is now like an alien being to me, as though my consciousness has been transplanted.

OP, just so you know, it's not childbirth that ruins your vagina, it's pregnancy, next time your friends mention it tell them that little chestnut!

Echoing the fact that the strain of carrying the weight of a baby for nine months takes a toll on your vag, no matter what exit they come out of. There is no way it's staying exactly the same after housing a 6-9lb critter in there.

mumitravels I had a vaginal birth and still have the apron- it's to do with how skin and stomach muscles stretch the repositioning of deep fat layers once things have been moved around and move back. It's more common with sections, as the scar tissue creates a physical barrier making it harder for things to move back to where they were but can occur with vaginal births and have in several of my friends (my friend with a section has a beautiful flat, stretchmark free stomach, the bitch!).

rest if they've known you since you were 7 they should have more respect than to make such vile ignorant comments.
I lived in a country with a >70% CS rate and this sort of crap was so common. But it is pregnancy that wrecks your body, your entire pelvic region loosens in pregnancy due to the relaxin your body produces and the extra weight it carries.
Since they haven't delivered naturally they won't understand that all being well, your body does return to normal.
Sounds like it's the psychological element that's bothering you most. I really think most men can't tell or don't notice if your body has changed slightly. Any even slightly decent one wouldn't dream of mentioning it.
If your "friends" say this again, just smile sweetly and tell them your cunt is perfect, thanks.

My friend who chose not to have children told me recently that she has pelvic floor issues and will leak a little if she runs it goes in a trampoline. I honestly assumed that only happened because of pregnancy/childbirth. I think there's a lot of misconceptions all round.

A little unfair on them since I was the one to bring it up, kind of trying to make one friend feel better as her DH actually left her weeks earlier for a 20 year old! They just agreed.

Sorry OP I didn't mean to freak you or anyone else out wrt c sections, I just wanted to point it out that while I am what I was 'inside' (and I dilated to 10cm) c-sections don't exactly leave you unscathed.

Which still sounds awful! But sometimes I have confidence issues in my clothes let alone naked and I am very happy with my dh.

I'm sorry but why should I fuck off? I wasn't intending to make a controversial or offensive comment, but apologies if it came off that way. I was only speaking of my own experience of having an emergency c section and how I feel about my body now. I appreciate that it's different for everyone, and congratulations to those of you who don't have an apron.

If someone could explain why my comment was so offensive I'd like to know so I can avoid it in future..

I gave birth to Dd vaginally. Had a few internal stitches. After her birth, I used to lay on my bed (on a puppy pad), naked from the waist down for a while every day just to get some air to my stitches and give my fanjo a break from sanitary pads. One day about 2 weeks after the birth, I asked DH to have a look and tell me if it still looked the same down there. He looked, and told me it all looked the same to him as it had always looked! And I've had no baggy fanny complaints from him since we started having sex again.....and if I'm perfectly honest, sex is more enjoyable for me now that things have been slightly re-arranged down there!!
I doubt any bloke would even know just from sticking his penis in there that you'd had a baby!

Your vagina is a muscle, and it is designed to stretch and then go back again afterwards (it has muscle called rugge (sp??) which is like an accordion).

Have you ever thought that when you looked at your vagina post birth, you were looking at it in it's swollen post birth state and this may have affected your perception.

I've had two tears, there have been changes down there but nothing too major.