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AIBU?

To wish I'd had c-sections?

103 replies

restofthetimes · 30/08/2016 16:14

My two best friends have both split up with the fathers of their children, and have met new partners - one serious, and other having fun.

They both mentioned how pleased they are they had sections for their children, as their vayjays are still unscathed. (They didn't choose them at the time, had emergencies, then planned for second babies). Now this isn't something you'd discuss with a new nct or school gate type friend. But these girls I've known since I was 7.

I'm quite unhappy with DH - not so bothered, but partly I do think I'd have more confidence with a new partner if there weren't changes (probably discernible only to me) down there.

Has anyone else ever thought of this? It is horribly unfeminist of me?

OP posts:

Report

Astoria797 · 30/08/2016 18:30

I showed this thread to my dh. He said, and I quote, 'the only thing most men'd be feeling when fucking a mum of 2 is grateful'. I think that says it all really lol

MyBreadIsEggy · 30/08/2016 18:30

Tribble the immediate post-birth sight is a shock
There was a full length mirror in the room where I showered post-delivery....and from the slightest glance I remember thinking it looked like a baboon's bottom and being terrified that it would stay that way

SpeakNoWords · 30/08/2016 18:46

PastaPrincess the way you worded your post:

"I'd rather have a saggy vag than traumatic memories, a big scar and a lovely fat apron."

makes it seem like you didn't have a c section and are judging the bodies of those that did. It seems that in fact it is the other way round?

I had two EMCS not through any choice of my own. I have a lovely double scar, I'm overweight so I have an overhang. Thankfully no traumatic memories. I don't feel disgusting or unattractive, although I'm aware I don't look like a 20 yr old model, which is no surprise to my DP.

I can totally understand the anxiety the OP and anyone else may have wrt getting intimate with a new partner for the first time, but any decent man should be able to cope with the normal variation in women's bodies.

SleepFreeZone · 30/08/2016 18:49

Omg I actually thought I had a prolapse post birth as everything felt like it was just hanging out. I asked the midwife to check and she said it was fine, just swollen. 6 months on everything is fine down there, no probs.

SleepFreeZone · 30/08/2016 18:51

Actually I will follow that up by saying that I know my ex still has a thing for me but even if I split up with DP I would never go back there as I am sure the sex wouldn't be as good for him. I just know it wouldn't be the same for him as it was and I would hate to feel as though I was now broken. Wouldn't stop me with s new man though 😜

PastaPrincess · 30/08/2016 19:04

Thank you SpeakNoWords, reading back my comment wasn't clear. Yes, I did have an EMCS.

Susieqt · 30/08/2016 19:23

Speaking as someone who had an emergency c-sec I would gladly take a funky fanny to feel what it's like to give birth through the stage door (so to speak).
I'm unlikely to have more and although I feel no guilt about the c-sec and am proud as punch that I was on my own had no one around me and still managed to cope with the long recovery (it's fucking hard!) I'm really sad that I'll probably never feel what it's like. Be proud of your vagina, look what it did! And no man worth his salt is gonna give a fig anyway.

Elendon · 30/08/2016 19:42

for Pastaprincess

Pregnancy hormones ensures a relaxed vagina and ripened cervix. I've had abdominal surgery and so was never going to have a c section, even though with my last it was threatened, thankfully didn't happen.

However I've not had stretch marks, an overhang, a 'baggy' vagina, episiotomy. Just 4 stitches with three babies. It looked no different to me.

Wait till you pass menopause. Unfortunately all the hormones in the world won't correct it. Then you are truly fooked if the barsteward decides to trade you in for a younger model, c section or not.

RestlessTraveller · 30/08/2016 19:44

I once slept with a bloke who after sex "thank you for never having children". I immediately informed him that actually had spent years suffering with painful vaginissimis which was only rectified by a GP struggling to retrieve his speculum after a smear to stop doing kegel exercises. I binned the bloke. My current DP tells me there's no way any bloke could know.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 30/08/2016 19:50

This is a stupid thread. I had emergency c-section, DD nearly died and a HORRIBLE recovery where I was in and out of Drs/hospital for 10 weeks. Not sure I would pick this above a normal birth

islandtiare · 30/08/2016 19:51

I had all sections for my 3

dh commented when we were first together that i was really tight (his ex before me had dc the usual way) when we first met (I had one dc already) but tbh I don't know if its a myth anyway, as my friends who have had v births haven't said anything about sex being any worse after childbirth. also, hate how stuff like this is peddled, ie along lines of, having kids gives you a bucket fanny its body shaming in a way

also remember that, with sections, you get the over hang and scar that never quite goes away, (i have that even though I am skinny) so its swings and round abouts :/ ....not body shaming with that, its true (definitely in my case :D )

restofthetimes · 30/08/2016 19:57

I and my son also nearly died, there are no guarantees either way.

OP posts:

BestZebbie · 30/08/2016 19:58

I am super-pro c-sections for reasons such as pain relief, and I was already booked in for one when I went into labour and had to have an EMCS (breech).

However, I have also had a vaginal prolapse from this one pregnancy/birth. If that wasn't bad enough, the "cure" for that is shoving a 8cm plastic ring up the other way, without the benefit of dilating for birth. :-S

C-section is not the same as "everything happening above the line".

quitecrunchy · 30/08/2016 20:12

I fucking knew it was a bad idea to open this thread at 9 months pg with DC1

BendydickCuminsnatch · 30/08/2016 20:18

I had a 3rd degree tear and a year of physio and my vag is tight as it ever was. Definitely having a section next time due to aforementioned birth trauma, so swings and roundabouts!

AndYourBirdCanSing · 30/08/2016 21:56

My emergency C-Section was fucking awful to be honest, but my twins were delivered safely which is the main thing.

Booked in for elective next week.... Oh the joys. Meant to be better all round when planned though so clinging to that thought!

motherducker · 30/08/2016 22:00

I'm 9m post birth and it feels fine and usual during sex but it still looks, erm, different

abbinobb · 30/08/2016 22:06

I hope I never break up with dp because ever since having ds and refusing stitches because I am a wimp I've got this extra little flap of skin that kinda very easy could be mistaken for my clitorus because it's right near it (However you spell that) it freaks me out and it gets sore during sex and I'd be so embarrassed for anyone other than do to ever see it

Laquila · 30/08/2016 22:10

I also read your post wrongly, PastaPrincess, in that I found it a bit offensive, and until I realised that you hadn't meant it like that, I agreed with DoinItFine's comment below:

"I'd rather have some self respect and solidarity with women who gave birth differently than an unblemished abdomen."

Actually I still very much agree with the above, even if it isn't actually really relevant to your comment, Pasta - just in a general way! Good advice for life. FWIW, I'm finding Pilates good for retraining my stomach muscles after two sections.

AyeAmarok · 30/08/2016 22:14

Yep, me too crunchy

I thought it was going to be about birth injuries. Which would have been bad enough.

Thefitfatty · 31/08/2016 03:19

Honestly if a guy ever told me my vagina was too loose I'd probably tell him his dick was too small.
I mean really.
That being said in my wild days before DH I had a BF who had previously been quite promiscuous (Good looking Aussie guy whose job that took him all over the world including the US and Canada where women love a good Aussie accent) and we somehow got on this subject (not the type of thing he would normally talk about) and he said that he'd been with a fair few mothers and non-mothers and while no vagina feels the same, none felt bad either. Actually I think he phrased it that there wasn't a single one he would have thrown out of the bed for eating crackers.

WanderingTrolley1 · 31/08/2016 03:32

Pathetic thread.

DoinIt talks the most sense here.

VioletBam · 31/08/2016 03:36

I've had two sections OP and indeed my vagina is in good nick. But my stomach...the abdomen...is partially numb and feels weird to touch...I also have a pug ugly scar there....mine's a weird shape like the surgeon slashed me open in a hurry...which he did!

Your vagina is yours alone...if anyone doesn't like it then fuck them.

Or don't!

Any bugger who judges it isn't worthy of it.

Motherfuckers · 31/08/2016 03:53

If they have never had vaginal births, how do they know what would have happened. I went back to how I was, with no ugly scarring.

Kiwiinkits · 31/08/2016 04:57

Vagina size
Wrinkles
The size of your hips thighs arms whatever

NONE of this ^ shit actually matters. Does your body work? Is your body carrying around your lovely brain? Can you hug the ones you love? These are the things that really matter.

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