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AIBU?

To wish I'd had c-sections?

103 replies

restofthetimes · 30/08/2016 16:14

My two best friends have both split up with the fathers of their children, and have met new partners - one serious, and other having fun.

They both mentioned how pleased they are they had sections for their children, as their vayjays are still unscathed. (They didn't choose them at the time, had emergencies, then planned for second babies). Now this isn't something you'd discuss with a new nct or school gate type friend. But these girls I've known since I was 7.

I'm quite unhappy with DH - not so bothered, but partly I do think I'd have more confidence with a new partner if there weren't changes (probably discernible only to me) down there.

Has anyone else ever thought of this? It is horribly unfeminist of me?

OP posts:

Report

Helloitsme88 · 31/08/2016 06:47

A big red scar isn't the most attractive option either (I've had 2) and what a ridiculous thing fur your friends to say. The way they view men is strange imo

MagicAlwaysLeadsToTrouble · 31/08/2016 07:11

Please don't be scared of c sections anyone reading this.

Clearly birthing a baby is different for everyone and we all come away from the experience different in some way.

There is no way of knowing if you will end up with birth injuries or belly over hang or not. There are no certainties however you give birth.

I have had 3 sections, two emergencies followed by an elective. My elective was an amazingly brilliant experience, I loved it.

My scar is neat and tidy, I have no belly overhang though my belly button looks quite different now. I recovered well each time and I'm so thankful that me and my babies all survived the experience.

Secretmetalfan · 31/08/2016 08:53

In hindsight you might think that but to have got to that point you would have had to go through the stress of s traumatic birth, the life of you and or your baby being in danger, major surgery, lots of drugs and a long recovery process, potential permanent numbness round the scar area which itches like hell when it's hot.

SpecificDetails · 31/08/2016 09:13

I'd rather have a saggy vag than traumatic memories, a big scar and a lovely fat apron.

Planned cs here. No traumatic memories, can't even find the scar now and I don't have a fat apron. So don't be so stupid.

Some cs are just lovely calm easy experiences. The recovery also doesn't always take a long time, I was out walking through the woods 3 days after, beautiful being able to walk after crippling spd throughout pregnancy.

AGruffaloCrumble · 31/08/2016 09:14

Specific That poster was talking about her own experience of c-section as she clarified later on. That's not her being stupid, that's her experience.

SpecificDetails · 31/08/2016 09:24

Sorry, didn't see that. It seemed like a blanket statement.

beesbees · 31/08/2016 09:28

Ummm my section caused so far irreversible damage to my lower back due to savaging my core. My recovery was several months too. It ruined the start of our parenting journey.

beesbees · 31/08/2016 09:31

Mine was emergency section though and I think having to stay on
Hospital for 5 days as ds was poorly didn't help. I believe you need to get up and going asap.

Sallystyle · 31/08/2016 09:32

I have had 5 vaginal births.

My vagina is just fine.

DisneyMillie · 31/08/2016 09:58

I've had both - and swapped husbands in between. Vaginal birth first time didn't seem to impact on current DP. Personally hated my section this time round and hate scar it's left me with.

WhooooAmI24601 · 31/08/2016 10:03

Your friends sound like teenagers, to be honest.

I've had two vaginal births, both 10lb gigantic babies and I still enjoy sex as much as I always did. It's not damaged my sex life or my vagina from what I can tell.

It's an odd thing, wishing for a different sort of birth. I always thought so long as you and baby survive it's something to be proud/pleased about no matter the detail?

WaitrosePigeon · 31/08/2016 10:08

I'd rather have a saggy vag than traumatic memories, a big scar and a lovely fat apron.

I had two emcs and I don't look like that. Women who have had vaginal births don't always have 'saggy vaginas' either.

What a weird comment. I think you need to see someone about your traumatic births.
Comments like that really don't go anyone.

WaitrosePigeon · 31/08/2016 10:08

*really don't help anyone

OllyBJolly · 31/08/2016 10:18

I think you are focussing on the wrong worry. First you need to look at your relationship and decide if you want to stay in it, if you don't you then need to sort out everything that separating brings

Wisest words on the thread.

WorzelsCornyBrows · 31/08/2016 10:25

I've done it both ways. My vag isn't the same any more, but DH says it feels the same to him. I do have a massive scar and an apron to add to my wrinkly saggy stomach. I don't really care. I have far more respect and appreciation for my body now I know what amazing things it can do.

I'm also in a bit of an unhappy relationship, but I wouldn't let my scars put me off finding someone else if things don't work out. Of course I'd be a bit self-conscious at first, I probably would be without all the scars and skin, but any man who views me as less of a prospect because I wear the marks of having had children isn't someone I would want to be with anyway. Most men I know really aren't that superficial (though I admit some are).

Puzzledconfusedandbewildered · 31/08/2016 10:26

I had vaginal deliveries and ended up with a rectocele and cystocele as well as damage from my episiotomy that had to be repaired at a later date.

I'm with a different partner to the one I had my children with and he's got no complaints about things. (he's only ever known me like this). So yes I have a broken vag but it has no impact on my sex life whatsoever.

Perhaps if you're worried about how potential partners may view you then you need to be considering marriage counselling not your pelvic floor

Middleoftheroad · 31/08/2016 10:32

My twin section has left me with an unsightly apron that's out of proportion with my sz 12 body. Like others I have to lift the flap to nurse a scar that smells and weeps 10 yrs on. It's dented any self confidence ai had. Not for a man but for me. So no, im not sure you would have wanted section if you could see my pouch that you need to physically lift to access my vagina properly.

PastaPrincess · 31/08/2016 10:33

Waitrose, I never said they did but OPs concern was regarding tightness. As mentioned in my later comment I appreciate things are different for everyone, regardless of how they have given birth.

Thanks for letting me know that I need to go and see someone though

Not trying to be rude but I'm going to leave this thread alone now. I've never mentioned my post-CS body on MN before and didn't expect to receive such a backlash from people intent on telling me that their bodies have fared better than mine. Adios.

And OP, regardless of how you have birthed your children, how tight your vagina is, whether you have scars or an apron or a perfect washboard stomach, it shouldn't matter. If it does matter to anyone, well then that's a red flag and they probably aren't worth your time anyway.

AGruffaloCrumble · 31/08/2016 10:34

I'm sorry you've had such a hard time on this thread Pasta I understood what you were trying to say.

Thefitfatty · 31/08/2016 10:40

Pasta I must admit at first I thought you were being goady towards women who had c-sections. It's just the way the sentence reads.

For what it's worth, I've got a thick scar and a fat apron (although I call mine a loose skin apron :P ).

I quite like mine. I call them war wounds.

sianihedgehog · 31/08/2016 10:40

I'm reliably informed that most of the changes to your vagina, pelvic floor, etc are as a result of PREGNANCY and not birth. And no man I've asked has given a single fuck. I can personally vouch that although I had a crash section, my downstairs is still different to before pregnancy. I also don't have an apron and my scar is barely visible, mind, just so anyone reading knows not to be afraid of a section.

c3pu · 31/08/2016 12:26

I'm a man, and I can safely say that having had girlfriends who have had no children, ones that have given birth "normally", and ones that have given birth via C-Section...

There honestly isn't a noticeable difference. Women come in all shapes and sizes, regardless of what they have or have not been through "down there".

scarednoob · 31/08/2016 12:30

here's a to help you with that overhang, pasta princess. what a twatty thing to say.

scarednoob · 31/08/2016 12:30

oh shit, should have read the thread a bit more. sorry, my paranoia got the better of me. lob the back and i'll catch it in my gob, pasta!

islandtiare · 01/09/2016 19:14

just out of interest, did anyone else read this thread and find themselves frantically doing pelvic floor exercises

or just me

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