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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - know I am but still can't stop feeling annoyed by DH

134 replies

beachbaby18 · 30/08/2016 09:39

Sorry for ramblings but need to vent!

DH has family down (aunt and uncle) who are staying with his parents.

Yesterday (bank holiday Monday) he plans a fishing trip with his uncle from saying he'll only be a few hours and we'll go to beer garden in afternoon for a drink with kiddies before getting a take away.

Sounds okay to me, although I'll be on my own with kiddies until they return from fishing trip.

His parents take the aunt out for the day to local town for lunch. I wasn't invited.

Fishing trip extends (now know that getting a take away for kiddies is out of question as it will be too late for them to eat) and I end up sitting in garden with kiddies having picnic dinner after going to supermarket with them to choose some goodies (thinking that hubby will join us when he gets back)

He gets back over 2 hrs later than expected and says 'are you ready to go to the pub?' Ur rr no, I'm sitting in garden with kiddies finishing our picnic. He says he has to have quick shower and race back to pub as uncle is in there on his own. His parents and aunt are on their way back from day out and meeting in there.

It's now almost bath and bedtime for kiddies who are tired so I don't take them to pub and instead bath them and do bedtime routine.

Feeling really annoyed that he's been out almost all day, pops in for 10 minutes to have a shower and then goes out to pub, regardless of me or kids.

I tell him i'm annoyed and he says that I said I wanted to stay at home and didn't want to do anything (I didn't) and his family are only visiting for a few days and I haven't made any effort to go to pub to see them.

It is then arranged that I entertain them today whilst he works......feeling so annoyed why should I entertain them today when no one cared that I was on my own with kiddies yest when they were all having fun. Now today when he's working, they want to see kids and he says I'm being unreasonable for not doing something with them!

(I'm working 10am til 1pm but then expected to be hostess with the mostest and take them out!)

OP posts:
CheesyWeez · 30/08/2016 12:11

YANBU OP. - I like the word kiddies, it reminds me of my lovely Geordie nan who used to call us that when we were little.

Of course you didn't want to go to the pub right when it was bedtime for a 3yo and 17mo. Of course you didn't want them to go fishing, nor did you need to go to lunch with the parents as your husband had said he would be back in the afternoon so you could all go to the pub beer garden.

I'm most surprised at the negative replies on here, I had something similar with my Ex when he went to the station to pick his parents up at 6pm, they knew I was waiting at home with the lovely dinner I'd made and they crashed in drunk after midnight. Still makes me furious now, years later. Angry

AntiHop · 30/08/2016 12:11

Yanbu. Your husband was being inconsiderate. He expects you to be available at all times and not involve you in decisions about how you spend the weekend. I suspect this isn't the first time he's behaved like this.

user1471428758 · 30/08/2016 12:13

What the fuck is wrong with me? Absolutely nothing. She's complaining about being stuck at home breastfeeding. Her youngest child is seventeen months old. Ludicrous. Seventeen weeks, fair enough. But if she chooses to be "stuck at home breastfeeding" a seventeen month old, it's her own silly fault.

DoinItFine · 30/08/2016 12:13

Well said, Undersea.

DoinItFine · 30/08/2016 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

user1471428758 · 30/08/2016 12:15

You tell me why anyone needs to be "stuck at home breastfeeding" when the child is 17 months old, then. Martyr of her own making.

PaddingtonLoverOfMarmalade · 30/08/2016 12:18

Sounds a bit Victorian - you and the children are expected to blend into the background while everyone else does 'adult things' then when you're deemed useful you're supposed to entertain them with a happy motherly smile. When my children were that young I used to crave adult conversation and get frustrated when my dp thought family visits were a chance for him to go for long chatty walks and leave me at home or trailing behind with nappy changing, feeding and all other essential tasks.

Your dh is is being unreasonable and needs to be more aware of you and his children. Could he persuade his relatives to take the children out? Wish you well, getting someone to see they're being selfish is not easy.

BadLad · 30/08/2016 12:23

Did hubby catch many fishies?

microferret · 30/08/2016 12:25

Jesus christ, who cares if she says kiddies or hubby? Some people need to get a fucking grip. I'm going to start noting down usernames and using both terms in any thread I see them in. In fact I'm going to start now.

OP, YANBU. When you've got two small kiddies, no matter how nice your hubby is he will still take advantage. It has happened to me a few times. DH has fucked off out clubbing more than once, and he's been on a hedonistic trip to Amsterdam and although I don't mind the odd night out I don't like being treated as a babysitter just because I'm the one doing the breastfeeding. You are justified in feeling exploited and excluded.

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 30/08/2016 12:26

Kids. 3 letters.

Kiddies. 7 letters.

Think what you'll do with all the extra time OP!

MrsJackAubrey · 30/08/2016 12:31

i'd have been livid - yanbu

microferret · 30/08/2016 12:34

user1471428758 stop. Just stop.

There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding a 17 month old. It's not your place to judge anyone who does and it's massively rude of you to suggest a woman you've never met has a martyr complex.

user1471428758 · 30/08/2016 12:35

although I don't mind the odd night out I don't like being treated as a babysitter just because I'm the one doing the breastfeeding. You are justified in feeling exploited and excluded.

She has absolutely no reason to be stuck at home breastfeeding if her child is 17 months old.

Which bit of this are people not understanding, exactly?

microferret · 30/08/2016 12:35

oliviabenson I think you'll find that kids is 4 letters Grin

user1471428758 · 30/08/2016 12:37

No, I will not stop.

There may be nothing wrong with breastfeeding a 17 month old, that's not up for debate. But at 17 months old, the woman is not tethered to the home, stuck there breastfeeding, yet she implies that she is.

She's talking cobblers.

ButtMuncher · 30/08/2016 12:37

I find it beautifully ironic on here that OP is being told she needs to lighten up and enjoy life, stop being so highly strung, not sweating over the small stuff, blah blah blah....

...yet is being told she's unreasonable for using a fucking WORD. Grin

SatsukiKusakabe · 30/08/2016 12:37

Breast feeding at 17 months is your own choice, rather than yr own silly fault, I would suggest, but it just means that it is less easy to have time away at whatever age, and it means childcare is more demanding on you physically, and therefore it makes you perhaps especially desirous of your partner doing his share of childcare when he is not working, and more appreciative of not being stuck at home when you could be sharing the load on a public holiday.

The purpose of this site is to provide support for parents, some of the posters here only seem to be supporting their own superiority complexes (passive aggressive) Smile

Donthateprocreate · 30/08/2016 12:40

Sorry but are you complaining about having to spend time with your in-laws after three hours of work?

No she's complaining about having her in laws forced upon her when none of them had any consideration for her the day before.

user1471428758 · 30/08/2016 12:42

Yes, it's a choice. A CHOICE. It's not a necessity at that age. So she has no right to complain about being "stuck at home breastfeeding". She doesn't have to do it, she chooses to, so she can hardly complain when everyone else decides to go out without her.

microferret · 30/08/2016 12:42

User, as the OP has patiently stated, her DH's relatives wanted to do very non-child friendly stuff - fishing and going to a pub. The OP wasn't invited to lunch and was basically left to look after the kids on a bank holiday while her DH did what he wanted. She was also promised that they'd do something nice, and he reneged on that as well. Why are you fixated on a throwaway comment about breastfeeding? Why are you so angry?

user1471428758 · 30/08/2016 12:43

She's also not "stuck at home". Nowhere does it say that breastfeeding must only be done at home. She's choosing this.

user1471428758 · 30/08/2016 12:44

I'm not angry at all. In a subsequent post, the OP said that the reason she was so pissed off was that she was stuck at home breastfeeding.

Well, no, she wasn't. She chooses to be.

DeadGood · 30/08/2016 12:47

OP, this is one of those unfortunate threads where everyone on the first page piles on with the "YABU!!!!1!!"s. While I was reading your OP I was thinking "how irritating, this husband is going to be ripped to shreds"... And yet that first page is all about how awful YOU are! What the hell?

Please don't feel bad, I'm sorry this thread has made you feel worse. Lots of us here know just how you feel. This is just one example of an overarching theme, I'll wager. Hope you can sort it out with your husband - those hobbies sound a bit too numerous, for a start...

user I think you are getting hung up on a turn of phrase the OP used, and I think you know it. I'm sure breastfeeding did feature at some point in the afternoon but it's not reason she couldn't go out. That's her husband's fault. They made a plan to OP was happy with, then failed to uphold his end of the bargain. Pretty easy to understand really.

cheezy that's awful. I'd be livid too.

microferret · 30/08/2016 12:49

She didn't choose to be left to look after two small children all day while her husband had a grand day out....? You seem to be reading a bit too much into this post!

PartiallyStars · 30/08/2016 12:55

I am going to use kiddies and hubbies as much as I can in future solely to piss off the uptight "we're so cool" types on this thread. Like DS and DH isn't just as much of an affectation.