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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - know I am but still can't stop feeling annoyed by DH

134 replies

beachbaby18 · 30/08/2016 09:39

Sorry for ramblings but need to vent!

DH has family down (aunt and uncle) who are staying with his parents.

Yesterday (bank holiday Monday) he plans a fishing trip with his uncle from saying he'll only be a few hours and we'll go to beer garden in afternoon for a drink with kiddies before getting a take away.

Sounds okay to me, although I'll be on my own with kiddies until they return from fishing trip.

His parents take the aunt out for the day to local town for lunch. I wasn't invited.

Fishing trip extends (now know that getting a take away for kiddies is out of question as it will be too late for them to eat) and I end up sitting in garden with kiddies having picnic dinner after going to supermarket with them to choose some goodies (thinking that hubby will join us when he gets back)

He gets back over 2 hrs later than expected and says 'are you ready to go to the pub?' Ur rr no, I'm sitting in garden with kiddies finishing our picnic. He says he has to have quick shower and race back to pub as uncle is in there on his own. His parents and aunt are on their way back from day out and meeting in there.

It's now almost bath and bedtime for kiddies who are tired so I don't take them to pub and instead bath them and do bedtime routine.

Feeling really annoyed that he's been out almost all day, pops in for 10 minutes to have a shower and then goes out to pub, regardless of me or kids.

I tell him i'm annoyed and he says that I said I wanted to stay at home and didn't want to do anything (I didn't) and his family are only visiting for a few days and I haven't made any effort to go to pub to see them.

It is then arranged that I entertain them today whilst he works......feeling so annoyed why should I entertain them today when no one cared that I was on my own with kiddies yest when they were all having fun. Now today when he's working, they want to see kids and he says I'm being unreasonable for not doing something with them!

(I'm working 10am til 1pm but then expected to be hostess with the mostest and take them out!)

OP posts:
Lilaclily · 30/08/2016 10:15

Mycatsabastard

Why would she want to go to the pub with a 17 month old in a pushchair?

Or fishing ?

Am I on a different planet ?

They could have gone to op 's house for a takeaway and beer if they wanted !

Metalguru · 30/08/2016 10:16

3 months and 17 months? If so yanbu, if you have a breastfeeding 3 month old he should have picked an activity to do with his family that involved the older child. Seems weird that his visiting family didn't want to do a whole family activity involving the kids yesterday while DH was off work.

Original poster
beachbaby18 · 30/08/2016 10:16

Ps sorry for all the 'kiddies!'

My first post on mums net and I think my last as shocked at the aggressive tones in some of the replies!

Thanks for the good advice, I probably do need to lighten up but guess I am just feeling a little taken for granted by DH in general.

OP posts:
Lilaclily · 30/08/2016 10:16

No way I'd be entertaining them today

I'd just get on with your're day and say oh were off to the park if you fancy joining us

DoinItFine · 30/08/2016 10:17

Ignore the dicks telling you how to speak/write.

They just like pucking on people.

YANBU to be pissed off that yiu were left on your own all day yesterday and now your husband is making work for you.

Jusy say no to having his family over later.

As for bringing a 17 month old and a 3 year old fishing Hmm

There really is no lengths to which some of the dicks on here won't go to berate women.

I wouldn't have been pissed off about yesterday. But no fucker plans my day for me.

Not a chance I would be coming home from work on an ordinary weekday to act as host to people who couldn't be arsed to see me at any point over a 3 day weekend.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/08/2016 10:17

Given the age of the children I don't think you are being totally unreasonable. You can't always keep young children up just because the adults are running late. Some children aren't flexible about bedtime.

I also agree its about being taken for granted and being expected to always fit in with whatever works for your DH.

DoinItFine · 30/08/2016 10:19

And yes, your husband is treating you as his staff if he is inviti g people to your home for you to entertain when he is not there.

The fucking cheek of him.

TheVeryThing · 30/08/2016 10:21

I completely agree with Chaz, and actually I think you've been very gracious in your replies considering some of the responses you got.

It's clear you have no problem spending the day with your kids, but it seems that you are expected to just fall in with everyone else's plans without any consideration for what you might want.
That would seriously piss me off.

champagnefromapapercup · 30/08/2016 10:23

I understand not wanting your husband to plan your afternoon for you so his family can see his children. That's different to what happened yesterday. It's a bit thoughtless of them all to not have arranged to see the children over the weekend when you could both be together. Maybe next time push to go along with something they're doing, such as popping into town, so that you've seen them, they've seen the kids, and you can then go home and enjoy your evening. I don't mean this patronisingly but be more assertive, if you didn't want to spend that Sunday day time alone say so, suggest a plan the aunt can do with you and your children, and suggest a plan for this afternoon so they can see the children but in a way your happy with as if you don't want to do an afternoon tea you don't want to and shouldn't have to! I need to be more assertive too so I'm only saying it as it's something I need to work on and is on my mind. It may be worth reminding your husband that you don't plan for your family to visit and him entertain them Smile

SatsukiKusakabe · 30/08/2016 10:24

Don't know why you're getting such a hard time, really. It's your bank holiday and you've been stuck waiting around for other people who were late and didn't let you know in time for you to make other plans yourself, now you are back at work you are then expected to entertain everyone despite not being included when they had other things to do. Fair enough to feel a bit pissed off.

I don't think op is annoyed at having spend time with her children (odd interpretation) it's more that they could have had a day out or done something on the holiday, but couldn't as they thought they were going out in the afternoon. Kids maybe not old enough to be disappointed, but op can be. I love my children but we spend many days pottering about the house and in the paddling pool, it's ok to be annoyed at having other plans cancelled without notice.

Original poster
beachbaby18 · 30/08/2016 10:26

Thanks for the support to those who seem to understand my thoughts.

I'm at work now but feel worse from all the negative replies than I did before posting.

Thought I may be told I ABU but didn't expect the nastiness behind some of the replies.

I love my children and am their main carer as DH has a busy job and lots of hobbies. I love being with them and am with them all day everyday except Tues morning and Fri morning.

I was just upset at having spent BAnk Holiday Monday on my own when I felt we could have all done something together!

OP posts:
Naicehamshop · 30/08/2016 10:26

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all OP. Some of the posts on here are vile.Sad

TheGruffaloMother · 30/08/2016 10:27

Pay no mind to the people picking on your use of 'kiddies' and 'hubby'. No, they're not very mumsnetty terms but this isn't a cult and some posters would do well to remember that.

I'm with a PP. Yesterday wouldn't have bothered me at all, as my previous reply indicated. But being told what I was doing today would bother me. That should be part of a discussion. You're not paid staff.

2016Hopeful · 30/08/2016 10:28

YANBU - If that was your husband's only day off why didn't he organise something where you could all have spend time together ie. picnic at country park or something similar? He said he would only be a couple of hours and then took the whole day which meant you were just hanging around waiting - that is not considerate.

I don't know why everyone thinks YABU!!! I didn't like being left alone with a baby and toddler at weekends when I had already spent most of the week with them either!!! I was desperate for adult company! Also, being back at work when you have a 3 month old and are breast feeding is quite some feat!

Pagwatch · 30/08/2016 10:29

You e got a garden and it was sunny. Your DH could just have bought some wine/beer to drink in the garden instead of heading back to the pub but TBH I would have said that at the time.

I think you are making your own irritation greater because you are being incredibly passive. It's hard when it's s habit but try and stop quietly feeling annoyed and speak up about what you want the arrangements to be.

whattodowiththepoo · 30/08/2016 10:30

"kiddies" YABVU

DoinItFine · 30/08/2016 10:30

He has a lot of hobbies, does he?

So the chikdren do have one parent who is not very interested in soending time with them.

hellsbellsmelons · 30/08/2016 10:32

So do you get any 'me' time at all?
If your DH has a busy job and lots of hobbies, when do you get some time to yourself?
I'd have been pissed off as well if I was you!
So I don't think YABU at all.

MarcelineTheVampire · 30/08/2016 10:33

There were too many 'kiddies' in OP for me to form an opinion Confused

GotItInfamy · 30/08/2016 10:33

It's not picking on, it's a community service. 'Tis but a short hop from kiddies and hubby to lil peeps and big daddy, before you know it, op, you'll be on your holibobs with bubz and hubz and having loadsalolz. Wink

MrsRyanGosling15 · 30/08/2016 10:34

Mycats and Manyathing you do realise on an open Internet forum, she can actually refer to her husband and kids whatever way she wants. Never understand these people that have such an issue. I never say hubby / kiddies / hun mainly because they are just not words I use in RL but if I want to use them, I will and anyone that tries to police my words can fuck right off.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/08/2016 10:34

beachbaby
Ignore the language police and the like. There are some people who seem to get a kick out of trying to turn every AIBU thread into fightclub or any excuse to put the boot in. It tells you everything you need to know about them.

PrivatePike · 30/08/2016 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 30/08/2016 10:37

I don't know how the uncle and your DH are when it comes to fishing but I've been fishing along side relatives (and other miserable bastard fishermen) who expect you to sit quietly and not make any noise 'because it'll scare the fish away' Hmm

if others are fishing too and you have kids to entertain you'll end up pissing someone off just through your kids being kids and no doubt DH wont want to talk/attend to kids in case he misses a bite on his line.

fishing - unless 1-2-1 where a parent can teach, crabbing at the seaside or using small nets to catch fish etc often isn't the greatest thing to do with children.

so OP not going with the kids may have been the right move tbh

Letseatgrandma · 30/08/2016 10:38

Has your DH told you that you all take them all out to dinner!?

You have two little children-it's not up to you to entertain them. Can't your husband organise dinner when he gets in from work? Meet them somewhere this afternoon for a walk and a coffee in the park and then DH is in charge. He sounds rather selfish if you ask me.

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