to expect someone to ask me before they offer my child a day out

[sillyhats]

I've had a friend I don't know that well offer to take my daughter out for the day to the beach. Problem is they asked her first without checking with me so now I feel totally stuck. It's not something I'm that comfortable with but my fears are probably irrational so I feel guilty cancelling something as I know she will be totally gutted. I just wish she would have asked me first not in front of my daughter. I thought it was a kind of unwritten rule that you checked with parents first?

[cheekyfunkymonkey]

I'd say no.... reason because they didn't ask Mummy!

[Sweetie18]

Personally it doesn't matter whether it's to the beach or somewhere else I think it's rude not to check with parent(s) first. My mum picked up my kids from school in June, chucked some leaflets at them and said pick somewhere you want to go during the 6 weeks holidays. I sat there slightly p'd off (especially as she is disabled and unable to walk so I (and OH usually) have to go as well (yes this might sound a bit off but she is quite elderly and always wants to do things SHE likes - or liked as a child and expects them to love everything she does). Roll on the end of the 6 weeks, has she taken them - no!!! So even more p'd off as they got their hopes up (again!! Not the 1st time either!) and nothing

[QOD]

My friend asked my dd to the zoo once.

Dd froze and shook
Her head behind her

Told me later that last time she took her out 'she didn't look after me properly mummy! Me and Olivia ran ahead to play with the animals and we couldn't find her and and mummy SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE'D LOST US WHEN WE FOUND HER'

So yeah. Dd was 5

[MackerelOfFact]

YANBU. I wouldn't let DCs go to the beach with anyone but me. Maybe I'm over-anxious, but the only two children IRL I know who have died both drowned in separate incidents, both aged around 7 and both while apparently being well supervised (one was about 30 years ago, the other about 6 years ago). So no way would they be going.

You going along too is an option if you can. If the puppy has had her vaccinations, she will be fine at the beach - take an umbrella and a towel and she can sleep if she's tired. Or just cancel and tell DD you'll take her another time.

[AppleSetsSail]

I think the OP's friend definitely has her own daughter.

Unless you have reason to think she's irresponsible, why wouldn't you let her go?

I don't like being trapped into plans with vague, open-ended 'what are you doing today' discussions either, but OP's friend is trying to be nice and helpful.

[Notmuchtosay1]

I often get mums asking in front of the children. I'm a bit of a nutter and worry about anything my boys do. I can't help worrying. Even travelling in other people's cars I find worrying. I wish I didn't worry so. Mine are older too. I need to learn to chill! My oldest is going on a plane with the school later this year (he's never been on a plane before) but that will be a tough few days for me. I have to let him do it, obviously. I wouldn't want a 6 year old going to the seaside without me. But like I said I'm a worrier.