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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect someone to ask me before they offer my child a day out

106 replies

sillyhats · 29/08/2016 23:42

I've had a friend I don't know that well offer to take my daughter out for the day to the beach. Problem is they asked her first without checking with me so now I feel totally stuck. It's not something I'm that comfortable with but my fears are probably irrational so I feel guilty cancelling something as I know she will be totally gutted. I just wish she would have asked me first not in front of my daughter. I thought it was a kind of unwritten rule that you checked with parents first?

OP posts:
1frenchfoodie · 30/08/2016 08:12

Why not check on beach dog rules? Some near here allow dogs on certain sections year round and if you can provide shade pup should be okay snoozing on beach. Or if not, perhaps you can promise DD a later trip, many beaches allow dogs from September. I agree 6 is young for such a trip with somebody you do not know well.

Buddahbelly · 30/08/2016 08:16

Does the other girl have no siblings? The mums just probably thought it would be nice for her dd to have someone to play with at the beach.

I doubt very much that she's going to let her go wandering off into the sea doing lengths, more like build a few sandcastles and do a bit of paddling dipping their feet in the water to cool off. But if you're still concerned just say you were thinking of coming too if that's ok, Why would she say no to that, and take your puppy, it will love running in the waves.

Buddahbelly · 30/08/2016 08:17

Oh just saw you don't know the mum that well! Maybe go together and get to know her, your dd's obviously play together so will be a good opportunity to get to know each other a bit better.

VioletBam · 30/08/2016 08:19

Buddah the friend doesn't HAVE a DD. OP never mentioned that at all.

J0kersSmile · 30/08/2016 08:21

I didn't let anyone but me take my dc to the beach when they were younger. I'd ring her and say hi you don't mind me coming along to do you? She won't be able to say no to that and then I'd find someone to puppy sit or leave it.

Oblomov16 · 30/08/2016 08:23

I too think it's an Unsaid rule that you ask the parent first.

But I don't get the anxiety. Other posters saying they wouldn't trust anyone to take their child to the beach? Why not.
You don't let young ones go more than paddling, up to their knees. You can hold their hand. They build sand castles. Where's the danger?

The being swept away recent tragedies are not the same as taking 2 x 6 year old girls to the beach.

Buddahbelly · 30/08/2016 08:28

violet

To be honest it was arranged by the fact that I said nothing and she said great I want to take them to the beach and the girls started dancing around the room

SO SORRY

I read the original OP and she said her dd, then read the next post which mentioned girls. I misread it and thought she meant her friends dd as well. So OP just say no thanks, if you don't want them to go then just say no, or go with them

DoreenLethal · 30/08/2016 08:31

'Hi - which beach were you talking about yesterday'
'X beach'
'Ok well I've just checked and that beach doesn't allow dogs and we aren't leaving [name] in the car so we are going to have to go another day as [name] is too young to be left all day'
'Oh, You don't have to come'
'Oh, no I wouldn't be letting anyone take DD to the beach without me! We'll just have to do it another day. Thanks for the suggestion though - hope you have a great day'.

J0kersSmile · 30/08/2016 08:36

The beach is such a dangerous place. I've had beach safety really drummed into me as my family are cornish and I wouldn't be able to relax knowing my dc are at the beach without me keeping an eye.

I was really over the top when they were younger when it came to beach or water safety. I wouldn't let anyone but me hold their hands while we were by canals or deep water. I would just get awful visions of them falling in and didn't trust anyone to keep them safe.

I'm a lot more relaxed now!

AgentProvocateur · 30/08/2016 08:38

I read it as the friend had a DD too and she wanted to take them both. I think it's a bit crap to deprive your daughter of a day at the beach because you've got a puppy. The deaths this year haven't been due to children paddling at the waters edge. Six year olds will probably spend their time building sandcastles.,,

MoreCoffeeNow · 30/08/2016 08:41

6 isn't a toddler, let her go.

smellyboot · 30/08/2016 08:43

My 6 year old were be perfectly happy as would I going on a day trip with friends on her own. She's done it a few times with parents I know. I have a friend of hers this week and am planning on going some where for the day. They are perfectly capable of behaving. They have been to the beach before and understand that they don't go near the water on their own etc.
Surely at 6 DC are able to go to see friends for a day?
It's a bit off not to check first however. You may have had plans etc
I would never ask a child first and risk really hacking other parents off. I'd always offer to the parents and yes that is totally the unwritten rules at our school.

JessieMcJessie · 30/08/2016 08:48

Confused- who is the other girl who was dancing round the room then if not the friend's daughter?

YABU to have a puppy that requires you to stay at home all day every day when you have a 6 year old.

Munstermonchgirl · 30/08/2016 08:52

Doreen has good advice- I would go with her suggestion.

FGS don't follow the daft suggestion by one poster to try to smuggle the puppy along and stick it in a beach tent all day. It's highly likely there will be a ban on dogs at this time of year and you'd just ruin everyone's day by doing that.

And I would find someone who can puppy sit soon as it all sounds quite restricting. There's likely to be a local teenager who would do it for babysitting rates.

Excited101 · 30/08/2016 08:58

I'm surprised by how many people wouldn't allow their child to go to the beach with another family- 6 is not a toddler and the deaths recently have been totally unrelated to a 6 year old making sandcastles and wading in the sea with a friend on a decent day.

If you trust the parent and are confident that they will adequately supervise then what's the problem?

LIZS · 30/08/2016 09:06

Can you go along for part of the day then decide whether to take your dc home or let friend bring her.

Wdigin2this · 30/08/2016 09:07

Are you serious, you'd allow your 6 year old to go off to the seaside, with a woman you don't know very well because of a puppy?!!!
Either take the puppy with you, or get someone else to look after it, but for goodness sake....do not let you child go without you!!!!

kali110 · 30/08/2016 09:12

Excited101 me too! I remember going to the beach with a childhood friend. We looked for crabsGrin

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/08/2016 09:19

I don't think she did anything wrong, just say no.

MyWineTime · 30/08/2016 09:38

I don't quite get the anxiety to be honest.
It's a lovely thing to offer. I'm sure she's perfectly capable of keeping 2 6yr olds safe on a beach.

BarbarianMum · 30/08/2016 09:42

YABU If you don't want to let your dd go then you say no. Being disappointed won't kill her, you can explain why not privately.

Oblomov16 · 30/08/2016 10:11

I often wonder if the levels of anxiety on MN are real or true to RL.
Surely they can't be?
How did you all come so anxious? What has happened to this generation of mothers. I find it worrying that there is this level of anxiety. I don't understand why.

BertrandRussell · 30/08/2016 10:13

I do sometimes wonder whether there are some people who are on Mumsnet because they find life very stressful and anxiety making.....

The problem is they then meet other people who are equally anxious and confirmation bias sets in..........

Oblomov16 · 30/08/2016 10:27

Agreed Bertrand.

All these mum's saying and agreeing that a 6 year old can't go to the beach.

A thread a couple of days ago that 8 year old twins couldn't sleep in a tent in the garden, with granddad sleeping in the conservatory overlooking them.

And others posters agreeing, so that just compounds the anxiety and makes them think it's ok.

It's not ok. Being over anxious is not ok.

dowhatnow · 30/08/2016 10:31

I'd let them go but say paddling only please, if you are worried,