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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by this comment?

48 replies

debbs77 · 29/08/2016 23:25

Ex is coming round tomorrow afternoon to see the kids. I left him due to emotional abuse. He is having a tough time, but all self inflicted. Refuses to get a job, refuses to help me financially because of this, blames me for everything. Starts every row (genuinely). I can send a polite message asking something and it ends in a row.

He just sent this......

Can you go easy on me tomorrow please? I'm feeling very sad at the moment

Like I'm some bitch. We barely even talk when he is over. I certainly don't say anything nasty. It isn't in my nature in the first place!

OP posts:
Collarsandcutoffs · 29/08/2016 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Georgeofthejungle · 29/08/2016 23:27

Sounds to me like he is looking for you to say something along the lines of 'oh what wrong, are you ok?'.. Attention seeking perhaps?

just ignore it. Delete the text to make yourself feel better.

MidnightRunner87 · 29/08/2016 23:29

Victim mentality....best thing to do is ignore, whatever you text back will be twisted anyway to fit the narrative he wishes to spin. id busy myself away in another room whilst he was there with the children too unless you can hand them over and send them out with him for an hour or two. People like this are draining to the extreme, you have my sympathies Flowers

Original poster
debbs77 · 29/08/2016 23:34

I'm so pleased I didn't read it wrong!

I always take my other children out when he comes here so it won't be a problem.

But you're right, he does twist everything and makes himself in to the victim. Every single time.

I'm so happy to be out of it. It was a hard decision to make but definitely the right one.

OP posts:
ineedamoreadultieradult · 29/08/2016 23:37

Ignore it, he wants you to ask why he is sad.

PepsiPenguin · 29/08/2016 23:38

He wants a drama... Just ignore it.

hownottofuckup · 29/08/2016 23:42

Urgh I have one of them. Just ignore it. Give him an inch he'll take a mile, you can't risk indulging it for a minute

Original poster
debbs77 · 29/08/2016 23:45

I've already had another message I'm ignoring asking when I will be back to my usual self. Not even opening it. I can see the preview.

You're right, totally draining. He doesn't let up. It's been going on for ages now

OP posts:
TheGruffaloMother · 29/08/2016 23:47

He's quite the llama. Ignore him and strive to pay him as little attention as you can manage in the future.

SandyY2K · 29/08/2016 23:51

He's attention seeking. Wants you to ask him what's wrong.

Original poster
debbs77 · 29/08/2016 23:52

And now he is ringing. Oh the joys

OP posts:
JellyBelli · 29/08/2016 23:54

But you are supposed to stroke him and soothe his furrowed brow, its your role as a nurturing Earth Mother! /S.

nicenewdusters · 29/08/2016 23:54

Yes, agree with everybody else to ignore, ignore. Whatever you say will be twisted round so it looks like you are being horrible to him. It's just more emotional abuse.

Lorelei76 · 29/08/2016 23:55

You're asleep
Don't answer it.
Grr.

JellyBelli · 29/08/2016 23:56

Bang saucepan lids while you talk to him on the phone and sound bored.

Ooh I know, say things we dare you to say! Shout 'Bugger I spilled my champagne.'

Lorelei76 · 29/08/2016 23:57

Actually the temptation to text "what part of EX don't you understand?" must be overwhelming.

PurplePenguins · 29/08/2016 23:57

I agree with Sandy, he wants you to ask why. Just ignore him x

Original poster
debbs77 · 30/08/2016 00:02

3 missed calls and 5 messages. Pretending to be asleep. At midnight that isn't unreasonable!

OP posts:
TheGruffaloMother · 30/08/2016 00:05

Jesus, OK, at the repeated calls at daft o'clock point I may myself have text him telling him he needs to fuck off and let you sleep.

Lorelei76 · 30/08/2016 00:09

I have my phone set to Do Not Disturb at night, with some numbers exempted so they can get through. Can you set your phone for that?

SandyY2K · 30/08/2016 00:15

Put your phone on silent.or unplug the landline.

What a real attention seeking baby he is. Bet you're glad you're out of the relationship.

Insomnibrat · 30/08/2016 00:17

Absolute energy leech. Agree with the others, ignore ignore ignore. It's all about him getting attention. Tosser.

Original poster
debbs77 · 30/08/2016 00:20

My phone is on silent and it is WhatsApp so I'm avoiding it!

This has been going on for years, I just didn't realise it until a year ago. When I did, and after he shouted at my daughter after she stuck up for me, I kicked his butt out. Best move ever!

OP posts:
Ninasimoneinthemorning · 30/08/2016 00:21

Wow he really does need attention doesn't he?

Don't feed it. He needs a row.

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 30/08/2016 00:21

Attention seeker - sounds like he's coming to see you not his child don't think he thinks your over properly yet - calling and texting at midnight?