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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed by this comment?

48 replies

debbs77 · 29/08/2016 23:25

Ex is coming round tomorrow afternoon to see the kids. I left him due to emotional abuse. He is having a tough time, but all self inflicted. Refuses to get a job, refuses to help me financially because of this, blames me for everything. Starts every row (genuinely). I can send a polite message asking something and it ends in a row.

He just sent this......

Can you go easy on me tomorrow please? I'm feeling very sad at the moment

Like I'm some bitch. We barely even talk when he is over. I certainly don't say anything nasty. It isn't in my nature in the first place!

OP posts:

Original poster

debbs77 · 30/08/2016 00:28

Just last week he text to say

"Before I move on, can I just check you definitely want this? I thought you would've thawed out by now".

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

OP posts:

SawdustInMyHair · 30/08/2016 00:43

"I thought you would've thawed out by now"?! Jesus H Christ, what a douchecanoe!

ImissGrannyW · 30/08/2016 01:33

You've done well to get out. Stay strong,and be out of the house tomorrow when he rocks up. (and be out when he drops them back too!)

Original poster

debbs77 · 30/08/2016 07:14

Thing is he has to stay here to have them. He travels from a distance using public transport as he doesn't drive. There isn't anywhere locally he can take them. Which has been an issue recently when he has TOLD me at 6pm that he coming over the next day. When I've said no, that we have plans, it caused another argument where apparently I was unreasonable!

Yes, better off out of it !

OP posts:

ConvincingLiar · 30/08/2016 07:19

You sound very tolerant. He sounds like a pillock.

TeaRexit · 30/08/2016 07:23

Oh god, do you think he was out drinking on the bank holiday?

Definately ignore.

Trifleorbust · 30/08/2016 07:50

I did just laugh out loud at the ha ha ha ha ha!

He is clearly trying to secure some sort of reconciliation based on making you feel sorry for him. I am a nice person so would probably feel a tiny bit sorry for him, but he sounds like a dick so it would end right there!

Penfold007 · 30/08/2016 07:59

Time to formalise contact and preferably at a location other than your home. If you can find somewhere to take your other children then he can do the same. If you haven't already done so get a maintenance claim started, you may only get £5 but it's the principle. Block him on whatsapp then put your phone on silent when it suits you. Time to take back control.

M0nstersinthecl0set · 30/08/2016 08:20

I had a rule of only responding to messages relating to DC (and only practicalities ar first as he was keen on the "miss the kids" lies to try to start a row).
I do recomend it. His emotional crap is his to handle and none of your business (hurrah!)

PepsiPenguin · 30/08/2016 09:09

How draining what a complete nightmare!

DP is RP and his ex is a complete narcissist (has seen DC, once in 3 years) and has her own fabulous way of trying to get a reaction out of us every so often, so frustrating when it happens, him calling that much after midnight - thank goodness for caller ID and silent buttons 😊

Original poster

debbs77 · 30/08/2016 14:56

Well he started again this morning. And because I didn't reply (I was swimming with the kids) I got "fuck it I'm off the xxx cliffs".

So far he hasn't turned up to see the girls.

Really, like he thinks that'll work!!

OP posts:

Penfold007 · 30/08/2016 15:05

Stay strong and don't let him manipulate you.

MiniCooperLover · 30/08/2016 15:21

What would happen if you ever said oh grow up?!?

Gottagetmoving · 30/08/2016 15:25

I would have text back 'Cannot guarantee to go easy because I have been having a shit time myself'
Then I would ignore any other messages.

Original poster

debbs77 · 30/08/2016 19:00

He turned up at 5pm! No message to say what time to expect him. Part of me thinks he did that on purpose so that it was too late for me to take my older kids somewhere and therefore he could avoid our 3 year old having a meltdown when I left.

Plus as he left at 6.45pm he reminded our children (2 and 3) twice that they had sweeties. This close to bedtime? I think not

OP posts:

justilou · 30/08/2016 19:26

Don't even think about asking him why he's sad. Throw the kids at him... Suggest a park or whatever and don't let him in the house!

PepsiPenguin · 30/08/2016 19:37

I'm so sorry you have had to deal with that, sounds horrific, what an attention seeker!

DP is a RP and we deal with a narcissist I discovered the "Grey Rock" method and it has made a great deal of difference to how DP reacts when she decides to drop into DC lives, I think our lives have been much easier when she kicks off, as we some what know what to expect. To give an example of the behaviour we deal with she won't attend court awarded time for months, a year once , at a time with no notification of this or response to messages then suddenly appear swearing about her rights. Then take children to return them after an hour because they have bored her.

Think your situation is a bit different on the face of it, but it might be worth a Google?

Original poster

debbs77 · 30/08/2016 19:50

Thar sounds interesting, I will certainly take a look.

I didn't even speak to him

OP posts:

PepsiPenguin · 30/08/2016 20:54

It's just so exhausting having to deal with high conflict people who have a tendency to be so over dramatic :)

Good luck and it's worth a read

Kokox314 · 30/08/2016 20:57

classic drama bait!
Drop the rope.

microscope · 30/08/2016 21:04

Thing is he has to stay here to have them.

bollocks to that. his time, he sorts out where to take them.

Original poster

debbs77 · 30/08/2016 21:18

Microscope, that's what I'm gonna do from now on. I'm happy to drop them somewhere but not have him here xx

OP posts:

timelytess · 30/08/2016 21:19

Ignore!

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