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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the man you love at 18 is rarely the man you'd love at 32

164 replies

ispentitwithyou1 · 29/08/2016 21:45

Just that really!

OP posts:
BendydickCuminsnatch · 30/08/2016 07:45

Both sets of grandparents still together after meeting late teens.
One set had 2 kids - one never married and the other, my dad, met my mum V young (same primary school) and been together ever since.
Other set of my grandparents had 5 kids, one never married, other 4 all met their still-current spouses at uni or before.
Of the grandchildren who are married (me being one), one met now-DH at uni, other 2 met now-DHs while still at high school.
No divorces, pretty unremarkable (but happily so!) for me!

BendydickCuminsnatch · 30/08/2016 07:46

Obviously my parents haven't been together since primary school, but they met then Grin

DollyBarton · 30/08/2016 07:49

I think it can work if you both grow and change together and in the same way. But it's a risky strategy! Plus I think it's good to experience more single life than you would if you settled down at 18 with someone permanently.

Sugarlightly · 30/08/2016 07:49

Why assume that women change but men don't?

DontDeadOpenInside · 30/08/2016 07:54

I've been with my DH since I was 16 and he was 18. I'm nearly 32 now and he's 34 and I still adore him.

Ratley · 30/08/2016 07:57

I'm another one still very much in love with her DH, we met when I was 17 and him 26, married she I was 18, now 33 and 42 still very much in love.

Motherfuckers · 30/08/2016 08:03

I still love the man I loved at 18, but only as a friend. The one I met in my twenties is even better. I do tend to think people who settle young are less adventurous.

Catnoise · 30/08/2016 08:08

Met DH at 18 (he was 19), now 32 (he's 33), married and about to have our first child. I most definitely still love him.

BrieAndChilli · 30/08/2016 08:08

Met DH when I was nearly 20. Still together 16 years later, 3 kids and a few ups and downs.
Probably helped that I had 'loved' a little before I met him and we then spent 3 years travelling and working abroad together so still did fun stuff.

Pengweng · 30/08/2016 08:10

Well the man I loved at 20 is still the man i love at (nearly) 32 but for entirely different reasons. We have both changed and grown but have done so together and as a family. I realise how lucky I am to have found someone who understands me and loves me anyway Grin.

MargaretCavendish · 30/08/2016 08:11

I'm in my 12th year with my high school sweetheart and we now have a daughter. He is every bit the same as when I met him

I really hope this isn't literally true - the thought of a man in his twenties who is still exactly the same as he was in his teens is an alarming one! I'm sure you mean you have grown together Smile

Catnoise · 30/08/2016 08:12

I would also add that in that time we have had all sorts of adventures! We've done the usual getting drunk with friends (together and apart), been to music festivals, travelled to far flung places, snuck into exclusive areas at sports events and music concerts. All sorts of things!

It's been a lot of fun along the way and we've had challenges too which we've supported each other through.

MyBreadIsEggy · 30/08/2016 08:15

I met DH when I had just turned 16.
We got married nearly 3 years later. We've been married 2 and a half years and are now having our second baby. We've grown up together and our relationship has grown from teenage romance into real, deep, true love Grin

Fortitudine · 30/08/2016 08:27

Met mine when I was 19 and he was 27. We've had some rough patches, but the love is still there. Been together 32 years now.

Funnyface1 · 30/08/2016 08:32

Im nearly in that bracket, 20 when it started, 31 now. More in love than ever, it's for life.

SteggySawUs · 30/08/2016 08:32

You're right, DH and I are completely different people to who we were when we meet at 19, but we've grown together so are better versions ourselves and stronger as a couple. I barely recognise the people we were 20 years ago, but I love him more every day and wouldn't be who I am if we hadn't been together.

notgivingin789 · 30/08/2016 08:35

I was with DS dad for 9 years; we met when we were 14. If he wasn't abusive ( he became abusive since the age of 16) a good and supporting father to DS then I would of stayed with him. But no, I wasn't "lucky" in that case. I should of dumped him a long time ago.

I have a friend who is married now and expecting her first child from the husband she's been with since she was 17. But to be honest; she should of dumped him, she made a big mistake in marrying him. His abusive, has been cheating on her continuously since she was 17, sometimes allows his family to take advantage and be mean to her (though he will stick up for her sometimes). In my friends case, she didn't want to "let go" of him or the years that they shared together. I think it's sad.

Though to the poster that said some people don't have the nerve to break it off... Or they feel like brother and sister... I completely agree with this! I've been through so much with DS dad, we know each others families really well.. It's like he was apart of my family and that is hard to break off. But due to the above circumstances above, I had to let him go in order for me to be happy.

newpup · 30/08/2016 09:10

Met Dh when we were 17, married him when we were 23. We are both university educated professionals so I guess we bucked the trend! We are still married 18 years on with teenage DDs. We have spent 24 years together and have grown up together.
Somebody pointed out to me recently that I have never been on a date as an adult! That is true but I have a soulmate who has been through the worst times with me and has shared the most wonderful times with me. We have celebrated our 18th, 21st, 30th and 40th birthdays together, our graduations, the sad losses of a dear friend and family members. The joy of our children and as they now approach adulthood, I hope dearly that we have time to continue exploring the world and grow old together. Quite simply I feel incredibly lucky to have that someone who is always on my side, shares a history with me and understands me completely. Not everyone is that lucky.
After all these years we are still totally in love, he still makes me howl with laughter and I still get excited to see him after any time apart. I still love him. Smile

BikeRunSki · 30/08/2016 09:16

newpup that's amazing. Smile

JoandMax · 30/08/2016 09:30

We met at 19 at university, still together 16 years later.

We've both changed a lot but in a way that compliments eachother, we're definitely more in love now than we were then!

We've moved all over the UK and now expats so plenty of adventure! I love that all the exciting and wonderful memories of traveling and my 20s have him in them with me.

DS2 was a very poorly baby, he looked after me and supported me so well as he knew me so completely and what I needed without having to ask. We pulled together and it made us so much stronger.

Drivemecrazy1974 · 30/08/2016 10:12

Totally disagree! Met my husband when I was 18, still together now and I'm 42 and he's 44. We've both grown as people. Both changed a lot, but, you know what? We changed together. We've faced problems together and come out of it the other side, changed perhaps, battered and bruised sometimes (metaphorically obviously!) but together and more solid now than ever.
I guess if you don't change and mature, then, perhaps it wouldn't work out, but we've been lucky!

MLGs · 30/08/2016 10:32

Lovely to hear about all the people this has worked out for.

Didnt for me - i do somewhat think the fact that stbxh and I met when I was 21 is part of the reason we are divorcing now I am 37 and he is 40. But it depends on the personalities involved. The reason it applies to me is that I was too inexperienced to realise how much shit he was putting me through.

JoffreyBaratheon · 30/08/2016 11:26

Met my husband when I was (just) 19 and he was 23. We're now in our 50s. We did have a few years apart but spent a lot of time together still to bring up our kids together and give them stability, despite our split. And somehow ended back together... I think it was a huge mistake to marry young (I married the month after I got my degree) although that was true for me, never for him. I'm not a fan of marriage, and I don't know any truly happy ones, strangely apart from my own. I am still in contact with many of our old university friends and know of only one other couple still together from those days. I have family members still with their original partner but couldn;t say those marriages were remotely happy, although they push that view to the outside world - close up, all they seem to do is argue...

So I think it's rare and probably the majority of those still together who claim to be happy, aren't.

Headofthehive55 · 30/08/2016 12:40

I don't think you can decide who is happy and who is not joffrey

Spotsandstars · 30/08/2016 12:53

Meet my husband at 18, still together at 35 and happier than ever :-)