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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think the man you love at 18 is rarely the man you'd love at 32

164 replies

ispentitwithyou1 · 29/08/2016 21:45

Just that really!

OP posts:
NotAsYoungAsIWas · 29/08/2016 23:47

I was 16 when I met my DH, he was 18. Been together for 29 years and celebrate our silver anniversary in a few weeks. Four children later and we are still going strong Smile

Charley50 · 29/08/2016 23:57

TheBouquet Flowers

KittensWithWeapons · 29/08/2016 23:57

DP and I started dating when I was 16, now I'm 31 and we're getting married. We did break up for about a year and a half when I was in my early twenties. I think if it weren't for that we wouldn't still be together. That break allowed us to go and be young, free and single!

My Grandparents were married 69 years, together 73, from Nan was 14 and Granda was 15. And when Granda was dying, Nan didn't leave his side. They were utterly devoted to one another. It was lovely.

I don't know many other couples our age who have been together as long as we have though, so it probably is quite unusual. Most of my friends met their spouses in their late twenties / early thirties.

firawla · 30/08/2016 00:24

Married at 18 and now 30, we're just as happy together as before - probably more so!

Therealloislane · 30/08/2016 00:24

I loved my dh at 17 & love him more at 41.

houseHuntinginmanchester · 30/08/2016 00:27

Met Dh at 19 and now 32...a marriage and two kids later, still going and stronger Smile and I fancy the pants off him as well Grin

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 30/08/2016 00:34

Met my partner when I was 18 (he is 10 years older) and loved him madly in 12 years we had DC together and lots of ups and downs but things have changed massively and it's not the same anymore. I don't think you can make sweeping generalisations depends on the people and the relationship. But I do know if I'd met my partner at the age I am now I'd have sacked him off pretty quickly as I know better than to take shit from people. I was far too innocent for my own good when I was 18.

SleepDeprivedAndCranky · 30/08/2016 00:37

We're still happily married so YABU

lazydog · 30/08/2016 00:44

YANBU at all, but only because you said rarely - not never, LOL!

I met DH when I was 18, at university, and we're still really happy together (I'm now 43) BUT I only know a couple of people from our large friendship group who are still with the same person they were with back then.

Seren85 · 30/08/2016 00:54

I do know that in our case we definitely wouldn't have worked out at all (who knows what will happen in the future but we're married so I'll optimistically assume forever) if we hadn't had the break. Met different people, studied different things, lived in different places. Not all teenage sweetheart relationships need that but ours did.

happyhearts7 · 30/08/2016 01:07

Met when we were both 18, now 39 and more in love than ever Smile

We grew up together!

mummyto2monkeys · 30/08/2016 01:26

I was 20 when I met my first love, 14 years later, ten years of marriage, a nine year old son and six year old daughter and we still love each other as much, in fact a hell of a lot more than we did then. We have been through hell together, more than most couples would go through in a lifetime yet we are stronger than ever. I knew after our first date that he was my soulmate and I am still sure now.

I think though that often couples who have been together from 14/15 end up feeling like brother and sister. It can be hard to break up because both have become like family members to each others families. I know three couples like this, they loved each other and through wanting to spare their families feelings stayed together and got married. All three marriages failed very early, they had grown apart as they grew up becoming more like sister and brother. My friend at 23 is now loving living the life she missed out, when trapped in a relationship she was unhappy in.

Saying that I also know couples who have been together since they were 14 and are still as much in love thirty years later. I think like any relationship, people either grow together or grow apart as has already been stated. This can happen at any stage however, not just in the teenage years.

JadziaSnax · 30/08/2016 01:58

I met DH when I was 17 and we became friends. When I was 18, we got together. I'm 43 now and we're still going strong.

AdmiralData · 30/08/2016 02:20

Yanbu/yabu. Met a boy when I was 16. I knew id marry him one day. It took a few years but I did Wink

Fizzyboo · 30/08/2016 02:24

Got with my DH at 16. 34 now and very much in love and just had our first baby

ParanoidGynodroid · 30/08/2016 02:28

19 (and 24) still doing the love thing at 47 (and 52).

Tryingtostayyoung · 30/08/2016 06:07

Been with DH since I was 17, I'm now 26 (nearly 27) were still as strong as ever. We have definitely grown up together instead of apart, we've become grown ups together, gotten our first real jobs together, bought our first house together, had a DD and got married. I couldn't even begin to contemplate not being together, he's perfect for me and I know he feels the same.

scaryteacher · 30/08/2016 07:17

Met dh when I was 18, he was 23, started dating him at 19. I am now 50, so been with him 31 years, and it's our 30th wedding anniversary next week. He makes my world go round,c and brings me tea in bed every morning.

pinkmagic1 · 30/08/2016 07:28

I met my Dh when I was 17 and he was 19. We are now 37 and 39. Yes we have changed but we have grown up together and are still in love despite ups and downs.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 30/08/2016 07:30

Everyone in my family has been with their spouses since they were teens or very early twenties, uni age.

MissDuke · 30/08/2016 07:35

If you're lucky it works but that's what it mostly is: luck

Not just luck, there is definitely a lot of hard work involved too!

I met my husband when we were 17 and now we are mid 30's and still very happy. It has definitely taken a lot of hard work but it is worth it Flowers

PinkSquash · 30/08/2016 07:35

This is true for me. I met my STBXH at 18, at 30 I realised that he was horrifically abusive and left him. I feel absolutely nothing towards him now, he still tries to control me, but he cannot handle losing his grip on me, realising that I am a stronger person that would escape his pathetic grasp.

JasperDamerel · 30/08/2016 07:39

Met DP when I was 19 and I'm now 41. Quite a few of my friends from university are still with the person they were dating then. So I'd say that they a minority, but not actually rare.

MoreCoffeeNow · 30/08/2016 07:41

Met when I was 17 nearly 18.

45 years later still together.

blueskyinmarch · 30/08/2016 07:45

I was 19 and DH 18 when we first met. We celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary last week. We grew up together and it made us closer.

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