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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the man you love at 18 is rarely the man you'd love at 32

164 replies

ispentitwithyou1 · 29/08/2016 21:45

Just that really!

OP posts:
Thingsthatmakeugoummmm · 29/08/2016 22:07

Met Dh when We were 18. We are now 41 and still together. Love him more now than I did then

weegiemum · 29/08/2016 22:09

We met aged 18/19, got married at 24, and are now 45/46.

So its worked for us Grin

Original poster
ispentitwithyou1 · 29/08/2016 22:10

Interesting,thanks.I think that is so true about lifestyles affecting the outcome of "young" relationships,especially going to university or staying in your hometown all your life. I think the opportunity to be around people with a totally different upbringing,morals,outlook etc is going to really change who you think you are suited to as a life partner.

OP posts:
Mycatsabastard · 29/08/2016 22:14

My parents met when they were 17 and 18. They have been married for 53 years now.

I met Dp when I was 16. We dated when I was 18 for two years. We re-connected four years ago when I was 43 and are now happy and settled. He was my first true love and my last, I hope!

AWhistlingWoman · 29/08/2016 22:15

Met at 18, now 37. 3DC.
Still together but don't think it was the best decision for either of us sadly.

candykane25 · 29/08/2016 22:15

I dated a chap from age 17to 21. Then we split but got back together from age 29 to 31.
It was a disaster. He wasn't the same person. I wasn't the same person. We were no longer compatible - had different values, different morals really.
I realised I split with him the first time for a reason and all the things that I hadn't liked the first time were magnified. I'm sure he felt the same about me.
The only good thing to come of it was that at least there were no what ifs and the first love flame was extinguished totally.
Started dating DH at 37 and I adore him. The qualities he has that I love are totally different from the aforementioned chat.

george1020 · 29/08/2016 22:16

Met my OH when I was 18 turning 19 and still going strong now.
I'm 32 he is 35 we have changed a lot in those years and It hasn't always been easy! But it has definitely been worth it.

PeppaAteMySoul · 29/08/2016 22:18

Me and DP went to different universities and I'm living some 100
miles away from my hometown. As I said up thread it has only been 6 years but the experience of being at uni and meeting new people made me realise just how much he was the man for me! I just hope we continue to be happy together. I sometimes think we met so young and have faced a lot of challenges that it would be so easy to grow apart. All we can do is make time for each other and our relationship and hope I guess.

Puzzledconfusedandbewildered · 29/08/2016 22:19

In my case I'm definitely not with the man I was with at 18

In my parents and grandparents cases they definitely are and both couples are still very much in love and seem to still give each other that "look" of "you're my world" when they think no one's looking

CotswoldStrife · 29/08/2016 22:22

I met my DH when we were both younger than that and we are still together. I don't think either of us are the same person we were when we were 18 - so many things happen in life - but growing old with the person you love is a privilege denied to many and I am grateful for the years we've had.

Saracarbonera · 29/08/2016 22:23

The man I loved at 18 didn't isn't the man I love now but I met my DH at 20 so only a little older and 15 years later we are still going strong.

DownWithThisSortaThing · 29/08/2016 22:24

I think if you meet that young you're inevitably going to change as you grow up. It just depends how you change and whether you grow apart and become different people with different wants out of life.

It hasn't happened to me yet (obviously hopefully never!) I met my DP when I was 17 and we've both changed a lot, but still have the same connection and we've grown together.

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 29/08/2016 22:24

Met my dh at 18 and still together at 40. It's not alway been a bed of roses but I think we are strong. I'm pretty sure he still loves me in that he says he does and we still enjoy each other's company.

Vanillaradio · 29/08/2016 22:25

My dps met when my mum had just turned 19 and my dad was 21. They were at different universities, my mum's parents had moved to the same street as my dad's and they were both home for the summer. They married when my mum graduated and are still married and as far as I know very much in love at 70 and 68. On the other hand the men I fell for in my teens and early 20s turned out to be jerks and I met dh at 28, he was nothing like the men I had fallen for earlier. So I guess it depends. . .......

Notso · 29/08/2016 22:26

I met DH at 17, I still love him at 35. He wasn't my first serious relationship though.
Both sets of parents met in teens/early twenties and have stayed together. Interestingly my sister and DH's siblings have all married/settled down with their 'young' loves too.

Stopyourhavering · 29/08/2016 22:27

18 when met in first term at uni, married at 23 and still going strong after 34 yrs together! ( been through some VERY trying times as well)

Whoamiwhatami · 29/08/2016 22:28

My dh was part of my friendship group at 18, we got together at 23. Still together at 38 after knowing each other for 24 years.

Lorelei76 · 29/08/2016 22:31

Oh the man I loved at 18 would be. He was 24 when we met though and he he asked me to move in with him when I was 20. I didn't want that level of commitment so I broke it off. I haven't spoken to him for a few years now - I'm now 40 - but if he didn't want children later in life then I think we'd have been a good match.

At the time I said I didn't want children and he said he said he didn't care either way, but my experience has been that most men end up wanting children and he probably said "I don't care" just to please me.

I have occasionally wondered, if I met him again and he was childfree...but then again I'm very attached to my independent life and time changes most of us...

EmmaMacgill · 29/08/2016 22:34

Good God, I dread to think, the boy I 'loved' was a complete twat and a total slut, I hope he's changed.

PinguForPresident · 29/08/2016 22:37

I suspect that threads with this sort of title will attract those who met their life partners early.

Personally, I shudder to think how dreadul my life would have been if I'd have stayed with the twat I was with at 18. Good lord! Awful! I'm very very glad I sowed my wild oats and consorted with all sorts of interesting types before settling down in my 30s.

Wouldn't have it any other way.

Obsidian77 · 29/08/2016 22:40

Wow, am surprised and moved by all the positive stories on this thread. Not one single person I know is still with the same person at 32 that they were with at 18. You have restored my faith in human nature (well until the next LTB thread).

katienana · 29/08/2016 22:42

Meet my Dh at 20 he was 21. We've made it 12 years...still love him so much and we have two beautiful little boys together now. We've grown up together and got through some tough times. We're a team.

StealthPolarBear · 29/08/2016 22:47

We met just before I was 16 (he's about a year older). Got together when I was 18 ans have been together 19 years so far.
wow I hadn't realised it was that long. It genuinely feels like a few years ago, like if this weird living together and having two dc hadn't happened we'd probably still be living with our parents.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 29/08/2016 22:48

Me and dh got together when I was 17 and he was 27. I'm now 25 and he's 35 and we have our third baby on the way :) . I'll have to let you know in another 7 years about your theory but after 8 years together my love for him has only grown.

x2boys · 29/08/2016 22:51

Not in my case my boyfriend at 18 is now
a raging alcoholic dodged a bullet there tbf he was showing worrying signs then ,I met dh at 31,for some people it lasts though.

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