AIBU to not want to leave my 6 month old any time soon?

[seri0usly]

Background - I'm taking 3 years out from working so he won't be attending nursery. He is exclusively breastfed and we've recently started the weaning process. He's my youngest and last child.

AIBU to not want to leave him with relatives that want to have him? I have no reason too and don't want to cause any upset to him just to please other people. AIBU?

How do you know it isn't an anxious mother who doesn't feel she's doing a good enough job and it's her way of trying to be that perfect mother that only appears on MN and not the real world. Or perhaps they feel that the help could be better- do the ironing and washing up and let them cuddle up with their baby. Or they are only there for 'help' for the fun stuff and not the day to day grind and feel like they are entertainment.

I'm shocked at how nasty some of the posters have been. You're all (mostly) mothers. How about supporting each other rather than tearing to shreds?

I've had plenty of entertainment with my sisters' and friends' kids. They do most of the hard work, I get to swoop in for a hold and a snuggle, or an afternoon out with the baby. When my baby is born, I don't begrudge them doing the same with me. I don't expect them to sterilise bottles or do the laundry for the privilege. Babies should be a source of joy to family.

Re: leaving the baby with their father...DH has never had DS for more than an hour by himself (4.5 months, ebf, he's also been with my DM for the same amount of time.) It's not because I'm neurotic...it's because literally there's not that many places you can be there and back in less than 1.5/2h (time between feeds)

So options are pretty much limited to walk round the park, popping to cornershop, or going to nearby but expensive Waitrose.

He does look after him in the house though at weekends while I get on with other stuff. I'm looking forward to weaning because then DH will be able to take him out for longer by himself which will be nice for them.

Same strawberry!

Interesting hearing theories it is a generational thing. I was brought up in the age of the stay at home mum. When I went to brownie camp it was the first time most of us had ever stayed a night somewhere without our mums.

My extended family didn't demand alone time, and I certainly didn't have it as a baby. My extended family interacted with my nuclear family and I built happy close relationships with my uncles, aunts, grandparents, great aunts and great uncles even though they never had me alone.

So from my perspective, the new trend is extended family feeling entitled to alone time and seeing it as the only way to bond. I wonder if it is actually because relatives are unable/unwilling to put in so much time and effort into connecting with babies/children and want to take a short cut by having more condensed and intensified interactions.

Dead and others who've picked up on my 'people keen to separate mums for babies under the guise of helping' comment... I meant that in perhaps a more flippant way than has come across, not having anticipated the thread would move in the direction it has. A mentioned I have a 4-month old and a common theme in nct meet ups is increasing pressure from family to leave the baby with family members over longer periods of time, hence it just having been something I was musing. I don't view the people offering 'with suspicion'. I fully appreciate they want to help and spend time with the baby. My tongue in cheek comment about 'guise of helping' was, as I say later, reserved for those situations where a particular offer is pushed after it is declined. If you truly want to help someone out shouldn't you be offering help they actually want! Dead - it'd be like people coming to help you but leaving you with the baby. It's not what you need!

I didn't plan it this way. I'm currently having to breastfeed DS off to sleep every two hours at night and he won't take a bottle so it's just not feasible. Yes my dad called me (affectionately) velcro mum - but he sees him when he's gurgly and happy during the day, not when he's fussing in the evening/nights.

I think most people are a bit baby-led about it. I think if I'd had a less high need baby I'd probably feel comfortable leaving him more by now. I leave him for brief periods with DH (brief due to bf), he gets plenty of cuddles with relatives who dote on him when we visit, mil has taken him off for a 10m walk around the village to meet her friend.

It's been suggested up thread that I get help for anxiety?! I genuineLyn don't see how what I'm doing is that abnormal! Is it? What do people feel I should be doing?!

I'm feeling the need to justify myself now which I think is a shame, just as I think it's a shame when people feel pushed into justifying returning to work etc. Why can't people just accept that we all do things differently.

Actually, don't worry about reassuring me. We're happy with the way we're doing things.

Oblomov - thank you for your concern. However, I think it was a bit of a leap to suggest that how I'm parenting is not 'healthy or balanced' from what I've said on this thread.

You're fine. Crack on.

"My tongue in cheek comment about 'guise of helping' was, as I say later, reserved for those situations where a particular offer is pushed after it is declined. If you truly want to help someone out shouldn't you be offering help they actually want!"

I think it's not that clear-cut, because I'm my case at least, I really really struggled to accept help. Not even big help ("I'll look after your baby overnight" - God knows that never happened) but the smallest offers of assistance ("let me hold this door open so you can get the pram through") sent me into a spin. I'd never, ever needed help before - not for small things like that at least, I had always been extremely independent.

Maybe those offering help felt the same once upon a time. It's easy to fall into the trap of the "oh no really I'm fine" act when you're actually drowning.

Maybe some people are thinning of that when they get pushy?

I have to say though, I've heard of these "when can the baby stay overnight" questions but only on here, never in real life. There must be some divide out there, wonder why, because no one I know is fending off offers of childcare assistance!

Good point Dead. I also agree with the point unthread that babies are born into extended families, not just to parents. I would also add that each person in the extended family has all their own wishes/beliefs/experiences etc which will guide what they want or expect. As mentioned, I had miscarriages before DS - something my folks were aware of and found upsetting - therefore their wait for a grandchild was long and painful with the prospect of not getting one. Therefore I understand their excitement at wanting to be with him and bond with him as much as possible. At least that's what I say to myself when they're pushing and I'm getting wound up (which I still consider myself well within my right to do).

Agree mint