Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

AIBU - husband comments on weight loss after birth

117 replies

JessieMc123 · 29/08/2016 18:51

AIBU? I've got an 8 week old and I'm currently around a stone heavier than I was before I was pregnant (I was size 8-10 and now more like a 12 - mostly just bigger boobs and bum but definitely not back into all my normal clothes!) - my DH just showed me a picture of his friend's wife who had twins a month ago and is now back in her pre-preg skinny jeans. I feel really upset that he thinks this is reasonable, when my confidence is low... I'm not exercising much but I'm exhausted and breastfeeding constantly! He thinks I'm a cow for telling him he was being a d*ck showing me that. What do you think - AIBU??

OP posts:

yorkshapudding · 29/08/2016 20:07

8 weeks postpartum is nothing. Your body has been through a huge amount what with pregnancy and birth and is still working hard round the clock to feed your baby. The last thing you need to be worrying about at this stage is fitting into skinny jeans. You're busy bonding, feeding and getting used to being a new family. Your DP was being massively insensitive at best and deliberately spiteful at worst. You were 100% right to call him on his dickish behaviour.

How would he feel if you started showing him photos of your friends fitter/better looking boyfriends and making comparisons? I doubt he'd appreciate it.

Beeziekn33ze · 29/08/2016 20:11

You're right, he was being a dick.
Dixie - I'm sure your honest post is a comfort to OP

Katarzyna79 · 29/08/2016 20:20

i had mine in April only now im planning to join the gym, did i mention i have 4 other kids, i left it for months with all of them. Enjoy the baby pamper yourself in a few months you can think about losing weight, until then savour every moment with the little one, its not long till they start toddling its cute but not the same as a newborn ;)

PickAChew · 29/08/2016 20:24

Another one on the dick bench, here (actually, ewww!)

Since having kids, I've been much lighter than I was in the couple of years before my first pregnancy, but nowhere near the same shape. Pregnancy changes your body and not always in the kindest of ways - though I kept my bigger boobs, which is some compensation for the ravaged belly.

Yorkieheaven · 29/08/2016 20:26

What a total and utter twat.

I have 2 grown up sons and would be ashamed if they acted like this.

Sorry but she sounds painful too.

MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 29/08/2016 20:30

He's a twunt who needs to apologise a lot.

Congratulations btw.

Casmama · 29/08/2016 20:32

Your husband has been an idiot and possibly pretty cruel but I have to say I'm a bit taken aback by some of the negative comments about the other woman and I don't see criticising her, speculating about eating disorders etc is going to help the OP. Perhaps we could avoid the mysogenistic comments about either woman.

Meeep · 29/08/2016 20:33

If I had two newborns I guess I'd have less time to eat than if i had just one.

Also, is she breastfeeding both?

Is she younger than you? That makes a big difference I think, to how fast you go "back to normal" (actually, after my second I found a new normal I must admit!).

Anyway, if you're the sort of person who is worried about your weight then your DH should know that about you and he was either being insensitive or a prick.

RB68 · 29/08/2016 20:53

Maybe she never gained any weight in the first place!!! Who cares it was inappropriate and callous and completely unsupportive.

Xenadog · 29/08/2016 20:56

He is an absolute twat! Whether the comment was made in all innocence and he didn't realise he would upset you or he intended to motivate you to help you lose weight or he wanted to put you down it doesn't matter. His comment was crass and hurtful.

I'd be looking at the pics of his mate on FB and comparing your DH rather unfavourably to him. See how he likes it. Then I'd be telling him if he ever made a comment about me like this again I would be off. Your body has been through torment to nurture and deliver and now continuing to care for his child. He should be thanking you for putting your body through this and doing his best to look after you. He is a grade A twat.

missm0use · 29/08/2016 21:34

What a prick! Can't believe he'd say that to you - that's horrible. I would kick him out the house for a few days - let him have the embarrassment of explaining what he said to you to another woman. Unfortunately I've discovered particularly where my (D)OH is concerned he doesn't actually realise the offensiveness that's come out of his mouth until someone other than me points it out to him! It's too easy for him to write off my response as hormonal / tired / already pissed off with him so going to be annoyed whatever he says (which some days is a little true but would never give him the satisfaction of knowing it)

MargaretCavendish · 29/08/2016 21:52

Totally agreed, Casmama - neither woman has done anything wrong here. She's not to blame for OP's husband using her as a flimsy pretext for a dig at his wife.

kurlique · 29/08/2016 21:59

Insensitive fuckwit

FuturesAChanging · 29/08/2016 22:10

After reading your update, he was incredibly nasty and he meant it. You are not being a cow, fingers crossed he's realised he was wrong and blaming you for your reaction, but that's just as bad. He should realise he is wrong and apologise for making you feel that way and saying you're a cow for reacting like that. Then he should come back with a bunch of flowers and a cake

honeyrider · 29/08/2016 23:30

That was nasty of him, he knew exactly what he was doing, using the other woman to have a dig at the OP about her weight.

SirVixofVixHall · 29/08/2016 23:35

I've never got back to my pp weight. My thyoid packed up while pregnant, and that combined with just being tired all the time, breastfeeding for years and years, getting older etc, has meant I am now 2 stone heavier. If my DH showed me a pic of another women in skinny jeans I think I would feel terribly upset, and then terribly angry. Your body has done an amazing thing, and you have made your DH a father. Tell him he is a total knob.

YorkieDorkie · 29/08/2016 23:40

Please show him this thread. What a dick.

ConvincingLiar · 30/08/2016 18:11

Having seen the context, that was an unkind comment from him. He should be very sorry.

shannonocmarie · 02/11/2016 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

tofutti · 02/11/2016 22:03

I'm assuming he is in peak physical condition OP?

Still a dick.

Topseyt · 03/11/2016 02:05

The twat would be getting the very cold shoulder treatment from me for the foreseeable future until he apologised profusely.

We are all different. Would that I had ever been able to lose my baby weight, but it didn't happen at all post DD3.

Italiangreyhound · 03/11/2016 03:07

How old is your husband, 17? If he is not 17, he is an utter knob.

I think it would take me a very, very long time to feel ready for sex again after having a babysuch a shite comment.

Make sure he know that that comment was upsetting and offensive. I would certainly not be rushing to get back in those jeans anytime soon!

Italiangreyhound · 03/11/2016 03:10

FullTimeYummy "So because DP is a man, his comment HAD to be misogynistic, nasty and superficial.

How very sexist"

He is a man, and his comment was totally sexist and horrible. Only women have babies. If another woman had said this it would be equally shit. Only women can have babies so comments on baby weight are sexist.

Italiangreyhound · 03/11/2016 03:15

yes, wiccamum ''misogynistic' is a better word than sexists. Regardless of who said it.

mathanxiety · 03/11/2016 06:08

Hope you will show him this thread. The verdict seems unanimous. Maybe wait til it hits 1000 posts and then show him.

Then print it all out and make him eat it.

He had to take you down a peg. Pathetic, mean little man, stealing your rightful sense of joy and wonder and pride at your body's accomplishment and trying to replace it with shame. Could he not feel that same awe? No, he had to make it all about what he wants from your body.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5