AIBU - husband comments on weight loss after birth

[JessieMc123]

AIBU? I've got an 8 week old and I'm currently around a stone heavier than I was before I was pregnant (I was size 8-10 and now more like a 12 - mostly just bigger boobs and bum but definitely not back into all my normal clothes!) - my DH just showed me a picture of his friend's wife who had twins a month ago and is now back in her pre-preg skinny jeans. I feel really upset that he thinks this is reasonable, when my confidence is low... I'm not exercising much but I'm exhausted and breastfeeding constantly! He thinks I'm a cow for telling him he was being a d*ck showing me that. What do you think - AIBU??

And he thinks your a cow for being upset?

Whether its stupidity or malice it still stems from male entitlement.

Honestly, I don't think it's possible to be back to pre-pregnancy size that early without either being very lucky with your genetics, metabolism, whatever, or with a lot of hard work. Breastfeeding a newborn is a round the clock job, and any time I had to myself I needed a bath or a nap, and couldn't even think about squeezing my boobs into a sports bra to go for a run.

It might not be nice to compare you to another woman under normal circumstances, but it sounds like he also doesn't realise the level of effort you're putting in and the exhaustion you're feeling. I'm sure lots of people would be happy to put him straight, though!

He's a dick.

Some women do just spring back but most don't. Would he rather have a new baby, or a supermodel on his arm?

I don't think it was tactless or thoughtless, it sounds straight up passive-aggressive to me...

He's a parent now, if he's going to compare his life to other people s on FB he has years of misery ahead.

I think asking him 'did that sound like an ok thing to say in your head, and if so why' might be good.

Oh how inconsiderate of you to not get your figure back as quickly as his mate's wife did He sounds like one of these macho, competitive types to me.

He is being vvvvv unreasonable. Who knows what that woman went through to lose weight so quickly. Maybe she has an eating disorder. Maybe she's too busy to eat. Maybe she's got a small appetite. Whatever the reason is, it is not fair to compare one person's weight loss to someone else's.

Your husband is a shithead who knows so little about a woman's body, I'm amazed he got you pregnant.

That's just horrible. It took me 18 months to lose my baby weight after DC1, and I thought that was pretty good going...!

Don't let it make you feel bad

There are plenty of before and after photos online of men transforming their bodies/ getting a six pack in six weeks. Draw his attention to them and start drooling over their ripped bodies in front of him.

"So because DP is a man, his comment HAD to be misogynistic, nasty and superficial.

How very sexist"

The definition of misogyny is a hatred or lack of trust to women. Doesn't matter whether this was a comment from a man or a woman, it was a nasty thing to aim at a woman, therefore misogynistic...not sexist.

Doesn't matter what gender the op's partner is, it was a pretty twattish thing to say to a woman 2 months post-partum.

😆 ShebaShimmyShake

So the OP is not only lacking in confidence at the moment, but it turns out she's married to a misogynist cunt, shithead dick, who doesn't value her now she's put on a stone and who she should boot out immediately

Genius advice

annandale that's so true, today it's the friend who just 'snapped' back into shape. then it will be the baby whos' walking quicker than yours and before you know it, it's Timmy who got 11 A*s in his GCSEs oh and he's the captain of the school football team to and such a lovely boy and Katie whos positively perfect in every single way. Most of it is bullshit and best ignored, if you try to compare yourself to others you'll always feel a faliure.
When I had DS this kind of thing wasn't such a big deal, I slowly got back to my old size, it took a good year and I'll never have to toned tummy I had when I was 25

If you kicked his balls through the roof of his mouth, I don't think that would be too mild a reaction.

He's looking at his mates wife?

I was lucky with my first, I was all baby, back in size 6 the same day. My second I ended up close to 10st and I disliked the weight I put on and seven weeks later I lost over 2st. And every bloody day he tried to feed me up, it caused arguments. You cant win.

Only you should be happy with you're weight,do not gain or lose for anyone else if you are truly happy and healthy.

Calm down FullTime...op is just venting, and we are agreeing with her...not saying LTB, just concuring that he is, indeed, a dickhead.

And I suppose your OH is at his fighting weight with a washboard six pack and huge biceps?

He's been very rude, actually. You're the beautiful mother of his children. He should be worshipping your newfound shape. Everyone bounces back differently after childbirth and it's certainly not a race!

YANBU. He was being a dick. I also don't buy for a second that he didn't know that was an arsey thing to say.
If you can harness your anger rather than your upset, then you should tell his friends and family (in front of him) what he said. Then watch him scrabble to explain how he thought it was acceptable to be so pa to the mother of his child. Disapproval from his peer and family group may make him think twice about being such an arse again.

Women lose their baby weight differently. Some don't lose it at all.

My DD put on no weight, apart from that relating to the baby during both her pregnancies, and was a bit underweight when she became pregnant with her second. As a consequence she was back to her pre-pregnancy weight within weeks of both births.

It's not something she's 'achieved', it's the way she's built. We're a slim family.

If your DH is showing you a photo of this woman as an example of what she's achieved then he's not just a dick, but a stupid dick.

Please don't let it get to you. You've just grown a whole new human being inside you, that's all you and he should be thinking about at the moment, not if some woman can fit into her skinny jeans.

Dear god Im 4 years down the line and still a stone heavier. If dp pulled his finger out a bit more id find time to get the gym! your dp would be horrified

Dh said to me on the first day after my section, wow you still look really big, did they leave something in there??!!

That was a nice confidence boost. He later claimed he was worried that there might have been retained stuff but still. Ignorant asshole

That's a cruel thing to say to a new mother. I have been there and know how tiring it is breastfeeding a new baby, it is exhausting! You are doing a fantastic job, it does get easier. Focus on you and your baby and zone him out.

Yes your dh is being a dick. Yes he knew what he was saying. Completely unreasonable. Remind him you are the one that grew the baby and feeding s/he! Dieting to get in your skinny jeans is the last thing on your mind! What an utter twunt. Please show him these messages.
I'm heavier than when I was pg. My dh has only ever been supportive and kind about it. Your dh can do better.