Child-free wedding

[GingerbreadGingerbread]

Posting on behalf of my best friend as she doesn't have an account I hope that's OK.

My best friend is getting married in March and she and her fiancé want a child free wedding. They don't have children themselves and not loads of close family with young children. The wedding is in the city where they live but they have some family travelling from further afield (Manchester, wedding in South East.) After this decision was made the bride's cousin announced his wife is pregnant and due to give birth in December so baby will be very young at the time of the wedding.

The couple plus brides aunt (cousin's mother) are putting pressure on bride and groom to allow the couple to bring their young baby. Other family members are getting i olives saying cousin and wine won't be able to attend without the baby. My friend and her fiancé are very stressed about this as they want the cousin and his wife to be present but they have already told others it's a child free wedding and it's going to be quite a formal affair and they personally want it to be just adults.

Who is being unreasonable?

They need to stop worrying about other guests reactions.

And yet this thread has been about the reaction of the bride's cousin. By that logic they should stick to their guns and not bother being brought into the drama caused by a special snowflake

if they dont want kids there thats completely up to them i think the cousins mother (aunt) should butt out personally

Nothing wrong with bride and groom wanting child free wedding. IMO when you choose to have children you accept that life changes and there are things you can't do - shame if that means missing an important wedding but that is the way it is.
Why can't one of the couple attend and the other stay at home with baby?

Well it's perfectly reasonable of the bride and groom to say they can't leave a 3 month old and it would be unreasonable of the bride and groom (or anyone else) to demand that they do.

So the bride and groom have two choices:

1. Graciously accept that the cousin and his wife can't come.
2. Graciously invite the baby.

Either of those two options is reasonable and it's up to them to pick which one they prefer. Looking for some way for the couple to leave the baby, or picking one of the above options but bitching and moaning about it would be unreasonable.

Duh..... sorry...... I meant for the cousin and his wife to say they can't leave the baby. Not the bride and groom.

The bride and groom aren't unreasonable in not allowing even a very young baby at their wedding so long as they graciously accept that the cousin and wife won't be at their wedding.

The cousin and wife aren't unreasonable in not wanting to leave their new baby or have the added stress and expense of bringing a family member to the hotel to care for the baby and the wife having to keep going and feeding the baby. They are unreasonable putting pressure on the bride and groom to allow them to bring the baby.

I don't think anyone would take exception to one couple being allowed to take their newborn to the wedding when older children and babies aren't allowed. That said at the end of the day it's up to the bride and groom if they make an exception for the cousin.

Fwiw we had children at our wedding from pre-teens down to 8 day old dn and not one caused any fuss all day.

Childfree weddings are great!
My DD and her DH were invited to a wedding which took place when her baby was one month old. They booked a second hotel room for me and baby and I babysat in the room watching TV and looking after baby.
More fun for DD.

Exactly - I'm sure on the day that nobody will really give a toss whether the cousin attends except the aunt and I agree she should butt out

Which is fab if you're either not invited or are but don't mind missing out on some of the event to do babysitting mycrane. Weddings present a particular difficulty with babysitting because if it's a family member, a lot of the usual suspects will be guests themselves. Fine if you're invited as a friend, or if you have uninvited in laws on hand who can assist, but if you don't then it can be impossible.

But that is as much an argument for people to accept parents of babies and sometimes any young children not coming as it is for them to invite children.

It's not unreasonable to have a child free wedding but I do think that if a couple are going down that route then they need to accept that there may be guests who are unable to attend as a result.

What DeathStare said. Make a choice, and be gracious about it.

(FWIW, I think a babe in arms is a reasonable exception to a child free wedding.)

I think the thing with child free weddings is that you have to accept some people won't be able to come and that in situations like this one older family members wil ask the question - it's like an inevitability when they realise the rule that in their brain was for a work mate it a neighbour actually affects Mary or Sarah. So you have to have a decision and once made stick to it.

What I find sad is so many people being related to inconsiderate people who'd let a baby cry through a ceremony or let a toddler run amok during vows.

I do think people who choose child free should also commit to accepting declines. I've never been spoken too by a friend since turning down her wedding invitation for childcare reasons. All friends were going and she was marry DH's cousin - who exactly was I supposed to ask?

The bride and groom have said they want a child-free wedding.
Why will people not accept this?

Navy We had a child free wedding. But we made an exception for nieces and nephews only. One of my siblings said they didn't mind if we couldn't invite their children but we wouldn't have invited one niece and nephew and not the other.

Those wanting child free weddings what do you say to your brothers and sisters about their children? Your nieces and nephews.

I'm an only child. OH has one sister who is childless

. My friend and her fiancé are very stressed about this as they want the cousin and his wife to be present

Not unreasonable to be stressed about pressure from other family members trying to change their preferences

Definitely unreasonable to be stressed about the new parents not being able to attend, you just have to accept this when you plan a wedding that excludes children including very young babies.

We had a baby at our wedding last week. I was slightly worried about crying during the ceremony but there wasn't a peep out of her other than a few gurgles. I can't really remember as I was so nervous/excited!

We had already asked if the baby started crying could she be taken out and I think most reasonable people will do that.

It's the couple's day, they can choose whatever they want. Obviously if they stick to the "no children" rule, then the cousin and his wife probably won't go. That's still the bride and groom's choice though! Not much we can say, they need to make the decision.

FWIW, if I was invited to a wedding but told it was no children, I just wouldn't go. But that's just me.

There is a slight difference between a small baby and a child. The baby will probably sleep through most of it. If they want them there they will have to allow the baby and others will just have to accept that a little baby is different.

Bride and groom are being unreasonable. Anyone pressuring a pregnant woman is a dick.

Bride and groom are being unreasonable. Anyone pressuring a pregnant woman is a dick.

How are they pressuring her??! She can just decline attending you know!

Ignore me if this has already been asked, but for those who recommend an exception just for babes in arms, what happens if that babe has older siblings? It hardly seems fair to say one child can come and the other can't, but how can that be squared with other parents who've left theirs behind?

Each to their own of course, but this is why I understand those who make a no-child request and stick to it in the face of the "yes buts ...")