To get married in a church, even if I'm not religious?

[WoolSkye]

I'm technically Christian, but I'm not actually religious. My dad is buried at a certain church, I'd love to get married there, as he obviously isn't here to walk me down the isle. I'm just wondering if it's unreasonable?

He already knows my beliefs...

You might as well just do it then.

The only case in which a vicar can force you attend in order to marry there is if you choose to marry in a church that isn't your local parish church and where you don't have a legal qualifying connection (such as you used to live in the parish, or were baptised there, or your parents were....). Then the only way to be able to marry legally there is for one of you to build up a connection by 'regular attendance'. Regular attendance isn't defined in law, so vicars vary on how they interpret it. I've heard things from three attendances in total, to every fortnight for six months. But you don't ever have to have set foot in the place to get married in your local parish church, and don't let any vicar tell you different!

The vows made in church aren't made "to God" they are made to each other, the two people getting married addressing one another. There is no requirement for faith for the vows to be valid and binding.

Plenty of priests in the church of england don't believe in God and don't believe in the literal resurrection - they are still Christians as it is perfectly possible to try to live by the teachings of Jesus without believing in the historical reliability of the bible.

Yanbu OP - get married in the place that is meaningful for you.

YABU.

I think it is wrong when people get married in church when they never attend church and will never attend again after their wedding day. It's a serious declaration in front of God and if you don't believe then it's meaningless.

Yes of course you can who cares about making vows to something you don't believe in? If you don't believe in it it matters not. You'd still be legally married in the end.
And really, who cares what anyone else thinks anyway? Bar the vicar perhaps

Tutan, I go to the church lots, as my dad is there. It's definitely my favourite place to go. I just don't believe in God.

No it's a serious declaration to the person you're marrying, as long as you're married at the end of it then in real terms it's very meaningful indeed.

Some people are being very snipey on here. It's not as though OP is choosing a church for the photos etc, there are deeper reasons.

I'm not religious and don't believe in God, so didn't want to get married in church and have to say religious vows. However... If my beloved dad had been buried in the local church I may well have felt like you did. So I can understand and I say go for it.

The vows aren't made 'to God'. They are made to each other in the sight of God and in the presence of two witnesses and a Clerk in Holy Orders.

The point of having an Established Church is it's there for everybody and there's no belief qualification to get in. Religion isn't all about 'belief', anyway, it's lots else including community, tradition, commitment and, many Christians would add, Sacrament. These work whether you believe or not (and for most of us belief waxes and wanes in its strength).

The vows made in church aren't made "to God" they are made to each other, the two people getting married addressing one another.
Totally agree with this.

I think you've got a good enough reason (not that you need one) to marry there and I imagine most vicars would agree.
At least it's a better reason than my parents, they got married in gretna green by a minister (despite being very committed atheists) becasue it was cheaper than getting a registrar

I am intrigued by this concept of COE priests who do not believe in God. I don't want to derail but I had no idea this was possible!

I am intrigued by this concept of COE priests who do not believe in God. I don't want to derail but I had no idea this was possible!

It isn't really. There were a few well-publicized cases back in the seventies or eighties or so of ultra-liberal priests but the vast majority have always been believers. These days you wouldn't get through selection and training without being able to articulate a firm belief in God. I've met a lot of priests and none of them was a non-believer. But somehow the folk myth that the few ultra-liberal academics of the 70s and 80s who regularly made it into the tabloid press for saying they didn't believe in God are typical rather than extreme, and now extinct, outliers.

... persists in educated discourse

sorry, posted too soon.

www.yourchurchwedding.org/article/finding-a-church/

YANBU to get married where you like. For me personally, despite some pressure from family to get married in church, I was not comfortable with the idea of lying during my vows. How could I expect DH to believe the vows I made to him, if I was promising them in front of a god I don't believe in? But that's just me - just adding another perspective. Your reason for wanting to marry at that church is very touching and entirely understandable.

I don't believe in God no

You are being very unreasonable then. I think it's quite awful actually.

I disagree with the point about the vows only being made to each other in a church wedding.

The vows section of the Your Church Wedding site states:

The marriage vows are spoken before God and in front of your family and friends. Along with the vows, you will make ‘Declarations’, which confirm that you will always love and care for each other in a way that will please God.

Furthermore, by taking the vows you invite a loving and profoundly caring God to help you keep them.

The vows themselves state that they are made according to God’s holy law.

Out of interest why do you tick Christian if you don't believe in God?

I was christened but that was my parents decision not mine and I'm now an atheist.

There are so many beautiful venues where you could have a non-religious ceremony

And then not waste your time convincing a vicar you're religious and making vows that you don't believe in

Genuine question, why do people mind so much about other people giving their baby the option, so would rather them not baptise them, etc. when it doesn't mean anything anyway then?

Christening or baptising a child is basically a ceremony where the parents make promises to raise their child in the Christian faith in the hope that when they're old enough they'll accept the teachings as true and become a Christian themselves. At that point the child will be confirmed.

People object to non Christians having their children christened because they see it as hypocritical that they have no intention of honouring their promises (and are often doing it for school places). Many Christians choose not to have their children christened because then the child can't be baptised as a teen/adult (in the Church of England) because they've been baptised once before when they had no say in it.

Not all Christians agree on whether children should be baptised or not, and I think the Catholic Church might have a different view. I think most Christians would agree the act of baptism itself doesn't have any bearing on whether you're a Christian or not-the key thing is what you say about who Jesus Christ is.

I hope that's not too much of a derail.

It's not about finding someone beautiful though, it's about being with my dad. If that was in the middle of a field, I'd get married there. It just means so much to me.

Oh sorry, I missed that

Well, I'm not religious at all so this may offend others but:

I would say that being close to your dad is a very spiritual reason in itself and a good reason to be married somewhere.