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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to provide own lunch?

113 replies

whateveryousay · 27/08/2016 17:11

Staying at the opposite end of the country to where we live, with DH's parents. SIL and her DH have invited us all for lunch tomorrow. They live near to PIL. So there will be me, DH, PIL, and our 4DC. DH and MIL have informed me that we will call at Sainos en route to buy bread, ham, fruit etc to take, ie we provide our own lunch. For context, DH and I are comparatively well off compared to SIL. We are treating the whole family to dinner at a local restaurant tomorrow eve, including SIL and her DH, and whenever they visit us I cater for them very generously. So AIBU to expect that they can fork out for a few baguettes and some ham and cheese when they 'invite us for lunch'?

OP posts:

JudyCoolibar · 28/08/2016 13:38

One of you just pops to the shop, while the others stay in the car. Why would you all get out?

After a long drive from the opposite end of the country, there is no way the children are going to opt for happily staying in the car. Trust me on this.

KMotion · 28/08/2016 13:55

The OP said the Sainsburys is only 50 metres from the SILs house so there is no need for more than 1 person to go. It's only only some bread and ham .... no need for a drama.

KMotion · 28/08/2016 13:57

Sorry if it wasn't obvious but everyone parks at the SILs and goes in other than whoever is getting the food

Mute point though as I'm sure everyone is already there.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/08/2016 14:01

Moot point - sorry couldn't let it lie.

KMotion · 28/08/2016 14:08

No problem. I didn't know that and am happy to be corrected.
It's only if it's done in a mean point-scoring way that I don't like to be corrected.

Moot point
Moot point
Moot point
Moot point
Moot point

.....got it 👍🏻😬

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/08/2016 14:17

Got it - not into point scoring 👍😉

JassyRadlett · 28/08/2016 15:28

After a long drive from the opposite end of the country, there is no way the children are going to opt for happily staying in the car. Trust me on this

Speak for yourself. Mine have had to do it plenty of times. They aren't offered a choice.

I'm gobsmacked by how formal people seem to be with their siblings/in laws. I'm not especially close with DH's sister but we've just left theirs, where they'd asked us round to lunch at theirs. We asked them if there was anything we could bring, and stopped on the way for some fresh crusty bread, some nice looking strawberries, etc.

The idea that we would expect to be 'catered for' at an informal family lunch, or that we would follow the formal etiquette book on taking wine/flowers/chocolates is very odd.

rollonthesummer · 28/08/2016 16:30

The idea that we would expect to be 'catered for' at an informal family lunch, or that we would follow the formal etiquette book on taking wine/flowers/chocolates is very odd.

I don't think so. If you invite people to lunch- you cater.

The op has already said that they do all the catering for the SIL and BIL when they are invited to their house. Should op cater for meals both at her own house and at their house?!

Yanbu, OP- I completely see where you are coming from!

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/08/2016 16:44

That's basically what happens if we go and see brother and sil. Fridge was bare when we went to stay last. Our fridge otoh is stocked for guests, meals planned.

JassyRadlett · 28/08/2016 16:50

If you invite people to lunch- you cater.

Different families, I guess. On neither side of mine would we see it as a formal invitation with expectations of level of service attached, and if we rocked up with chocolates/flowers/ - simply as some one offering the venue for a mutually enjoyable get together. I also don't see it as 'catering' to bring along all or part of the makings of a light lunch. That said, OP clearly feels differently as she doesn't see the point in sharing lunch with these people at their home unless they're picking up the bill.

I can see how if one partner's family take this approach, and the other is the opposite, you could end up with situations like OP's.

Meanwhile, nothing's stopping OP asking th to pick up a few bits and bobs on the way next time they're coming round.

MimsyPimsy · 28/08/2016 17:01

"After a long drive from the opposite end of the country" OP and family are staying near the SIL, with the MIL, and aren't having a long drive at all.

"Fridge was bare when we went to stay last." That's a bit different from this, though, as OP and family are popping round for an informal lunch, and MIL and DP agreed they'd stop off and pick up a few things, MIL obviously thinking they would be helping, as SIL doesn't have children, and will no doubt be busy hiding breakables etc before the visit.

"Meanwhile, nothing's stopping OP asking th to pick up a few bits and bobs on the way next time they're coming round." Yes, this. The two families have different styles of entertaining. Why take umbridge? Just change your behaviour and have a good time. Nobody asked the OP to pay for everyone.

Doggity · 28/08/2016 17:10

It's actually not moot point. It's a moo point. You know, because a cow's opinion doesn't matter...?

GabsAlot · 28/08/2016 18:39

any updat?

i think your mil is rude if she wants to buy something fine dont offer for someone else

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