To stop throwing the balls back over the fence?

[Danielsss]

Those bloody balls. The kids next door constantly play ball games, the balls always go over our fence! We would always get a knock on the door, every 2 minutes. I ended up saying if just throw it back over, it's still as frequent!!! How do I stop this?

My personal opinion is that the balls should be thrown back over once a day, on arrangement with the neighbours. This might also be difficult if, like me, you have a small garden with 4 neighbours sharing a back garden fence. Luckily, our gardens are all too small to play ball in them but I wouldn't be comfortable with neighbours climbing into our garden - and we have a good relationship with our neighbours. Perhaps, as a PP mentioned, it is an English cultural thing (home is castle).

How exactly is Math being compassionate in accusing hold child sex abuse victims of all sorts of vile and dishonest things, purely for not staying home all day to chuck hypothetical balls back?

If anyone is bullying it's her.

Incidentally pear we're/I'm the ones saying to arrange to chuck balls back once a day. Math is the one claiming that's a horrific act of "meanness" to force a child to wait for their ball.

And despite repeated requests I've yet to hear any practical suggestions for someone who works abroad and has a non-accessible garden.

I think we all have a choice about what to do about children knocking on doors asking for their balls back, and it seems the most humane thing is to talk with our neighbours, arrange a mutually convenient time to return the balls if you don't want a neighbouring child retrieving her own ball, and play nice with everyone

I suggested thats what I did as I work from home and don't need the disruption.

I was told to make a sheep hole in my dry stone wall

One man's compassion is another's sheer lunacy.

I don't actually care that balls come in my garden. It happens. I do care about having to go and retrieve them every time because that isn't practical.

I can see my neighbours in a DM sad face situation "child waits for ball in neighbour dispute horror"

This has been a truly bizarre thread to read. Have a fence around your garden but then put a gate in that fence to allow ball retrieval... Then what is the purpose of the fence? I have a fence to keep people out.

If I wanted people coming in free range I wouldn't have a fence...?

I wonder if Math has opinions on cats entering gardens?

I sympathise op. The 9 yr old next door to us has a goal net in the garden next to our fence. He's not much good at getting the ball in the net! We can get 4 or 5 balls a day but often none at all for a week or so. It's irritating but we do throw them back - when we're in the garden and come across one. I don't make a special effort. Years ago when he was little we did make an effort to throw them over as soon as we spotted one but honestly after 5 years it wears a bit thin. Would never pop them or withold them though. Just one of the small irritations of life that's not worth getting worked up about.

I'm sorry but I don't want other people's footballs in my garden. If I were sitting out there, the ball flying over would give me a huge fright, might potentially hit and hurt me, and I would be furious if any of my plants got damaged.
It's not my responsibility to provide a playground extension in the form of my private property, for other people's offspring.

This is how it tends to work in the wanker house.

Doorbell rings, answer door, child asks for ball back, I say "on you go, please close gate properly after you and be more careful with the ball"

Doorbell rings again. answer door, child asks for ball back, I say, "ok, please close gate properly and don't ring again if it goes over, you'll just have to wait"

Ball comes over again, at my next convenience I throw over ball.

The exception is that door bell rings while dishing up or eating dinner ( kitchen/dining room at back and can see ball in garden) either ignore doorbell or answer it and give 2nd speech from above.

No-one has died from waiting, I don't get overly bothered or annoyed.

Children can play out without a ball, hide and seek or other games don't need any equipment.

We also handed over our 12 foot trampoline to next door - it's seriously cut down the number of football games since they don't have the space anymore - appreciate that isn't a solution available to everyone :)

Child running into garden without permission or attempting to climb fence are given short shrift. Once fence piece has already been broken from kicking a ball at it and although we do have concreted in posts, fences are not designed to be weight bearing and the posts can still snap whilst still being in the concrete.

re holding on to balls or damaging them.

We've never done the latter, but I must admit that some of the heavier balls have mysteriously disappeared down the side of the shed when they've been kicked over. The foam or lighter balls seem to not do that....

you went abroad and his football languished in your walled in garden for a week of his precious six week summer holidays
If a child only had one ball for their entrertainment and following the loss of it their parents did not make an effort to replace it then I would seriously be questioning whether they are fit to be caring for children at all.

Please do not give me a load of old crap about being families being hard up and not being able to afford to replace a football.

Footballs cost £2.50 in Sports Direct, if parents cannot afford to buy a child a new one then there is more to worry about than a "mean" neighbour who has chosen not to return a football the instant it has landed in their garden.

I think the ladder fence thingy sounds like a great idea.

I'd decorate mine with fire and a sexy little bit of barbed wire along the top.

I'm going to train my hamster to return them.

It's okey, he's really good at climbing.

Look!
An English fence.

And a curmudgeon of a neighbour too.

Things have moved I since your mother was a child, and building dry stane dykes is not something that anyone can do - it is a highly skilled art.

The art of dry stone wall building is probably over a thousand years old and I very much doubt things have 'moved on' in that particular skill.

The whole point of them is that they are flexible, not 'written in stone' as it were, and openings can easily be made and then closed up again.

Back to the sad treehouse story in the BBC link.

The children are clearly capable of climbing ladders and the fence posts are clearly quite sturdy.

And clearly there are some neighbours who may well be on this thread.

This has been a truly bizarre thread to read. Have a fence around your garden but then put a gate in that fence to allow ball retrieval... Then what is the purpose of the fence? I have a fence to keep people out.

YES!
Put a gate into the fence.

You may find it impossible to believe, but in my neighbourhood without any front garden dividers, fences, walls, etc., children actually don't camp out in other people's patches of grass. They could - there is nothing to stop them. But maybe because they could, they don't. 'Tis all very paradoxical.

And again, with a metaphorical 'Welcome' sign on all the back fences and unlocked or merely decorative back gates, children do not spend all their time in other people's gardens. They do not vandalise other people's plants. They just go in and get their balls back and leave.

There's no forbidden fruit around here.

The mental world so many of you seem to inhabit is what is truly bizarre.

It's not a mental world, it's a physical world. Not everyone Iives in a small town populated by kids and SAHMs.

Not everyone lives in Mayberry.

Not everyone wants to live in Mayberry.

People are not evil simply because they are different from you.

Personally I'd rather raise a child somewhere where patience and tolerance for others is taught.

Btw my mother grew up in exactly the same kind of place you live in, with the exact same rules and social culture, and two kids came into her garden and tortured her rabbit to death.

This was in the 60s. There are disturbed people around, and there always have been.

If you are fortunate to live in the crime-free 1950s TV-fantasy utopia you describe, where every single child is without fail polite, respectful and spends all day innocently playing in the garden, well, you need to see some of the world outside your small town because most places of the world is not like that.

I suspect the tree house did not have planning permission and therefore that is why it had to be taken down. Dry stane dykes are difficult and time consuming to build and require a good deal of training and people who have that skill are in great demand. Sadly, there don't appear to be that many young people interested in learning the skill. If there are oodles of people around your way who are great at doing this, please tell us where you are, as there might well be someone who is seeking a dry stane waller.

I quite agree that it is a bizarre thread. Your suggestions, dear Math, are the most bizarre of the lot. I really don't understand why you object to us wanting to keep our gardens private. I take it , from what you have said, you really wouldn't mind if someone set up home in your front garden. After all, its good to share and you have a garden and they don't. I'm sure its big enough for a nice tent and perhaps you would also be kind enough to allow them in to use the toilet and shower. It might be a tad unpleasant to find the odd turd hiding under the lilac bush whilst weeding. Personally, I wouldn't fancy my garden being used as a toilet by someone, but since your garden is open to any passing person, perhaps you don't mind that either.

You are being ridiculous, dear, and you appear to be unable to understand another point of view. It is a shame that you are so hidebound.

I don't live in 'Mayberry'.

I live in a very normal and very modern place. It's not a 'small town' either. It's completely landlocked, with the big city boundary on one side and other old suburbs on the three others, has lots of high rise residences as well as single family homes, has a very urban feel, many offices and plumbers/electricians/carpenters/upholsterers/other workshops, small industry in the shape of a cement works, body shops, car hire places, decent nightlife, very mixed population from pov of income, ethnicity, national origin, lots of churches of all stripes, synagogues, shops, a few parks and playgrounds, a municipal skating rink and two outdoor municipal pools. There is also a library and a few branch libraries and there are several places where skateboarders congregate. There's a hill for sledding that gets a lot of winter use and two small hospitals. The population is about 57,000 and will rise to about 100,000 in the next ten years as there are several high rise developments being built.

There is hardly any graffiti. Weirdly, local teens don't seem to feel the need to deface property. Maybe they don't sense much hostility to fight back against. What 'counterculture' there is tends to be channeled into very arty avenues. There is hardly any interpersonal crime. Muggings and burglaries are big news if they happen.

Millions of people live their lives in places like this and bring up decent, respectful children in them. They are not 'fantasy utopias'. Those millions of people don't take refuge behind tired old platitudes that they don't really understand such as 'Good fences make good neighbours' and 'There are disturbed people around, and there always have been'.

They make the effort to introduce themselves when they move in and to greet newcomers to their neighbourhood. They take the time and go to the trouble to get to know their neighbours. Above all, they understand that they are responsible for the quality of their own lives, and they make the choice to be net contributors to a sense of community. They do not indulge in the sort of anti-social attitudes that are so acceptable in Britain that the phrase 'fantasy utopia' is used to describe perfectly normal lives elsewhere, and eyes are rolled at the idea of knowing your neighbours.

Why would people piss in someone else's garden, Littlecandle? Do you think this happens much? Do you believe that the only thing that is stopping people from camping in your front garden, pissing on your bushes and leaving little surprises for you under your roses is your fence or your front garden wall? Do you really think people would tramp through your house and take over your bathroom if you didn't have a barrier out there against them?
How sad if so.

Your garden is not private if other people's balls are flying in. If you want to keep it private, a no fly zone free of all flying intrusions, then you should put up some sort of high net.

Trying to keep it 'private' when you most likely live at close quarters with other people who are just trying to enjoy their own lives and little patches of garden is clearly an exercise in futility, bordering on an exercise in insanity.

The question should not be, 'How best to deny reality?' Or even, 'How best to teach the brats next door a lesson with the utmost degree of passive aggressiveness?' (This is clearly a priority among those who are pooh-poohing practical solutions).

If you're reasonable and you accept reality, and if you want to contribute to the general good vibe of your neighbourhood (this may be asking too much, I realise) the question morphs into, 'How can we all live together as amicably as possible?' Sticking to the philosophy of 'My home is my castle'/'We will fight them on the beaches...' will only net you an ulcer.

You will continue to live in your own angry, resentful and - you should face it - fear filled little mental world in which you feel you must man the barricades against the 'disturbed people out there' who might torture a rabbit to death, or maybe even give you a cheerful wave as they find their own ball and skedaddle back over the fence with its posts that are sturdy enough to nail slats to (yes indeed Francis, they are pretty sturdy-looking, aren't they; they're just like the posts of my alien and completely different American fences in fact...)

Allowing children access to your garden to get their own balls back solves everyone's problems with one fell swoop. It's what you might call an elegant solution.