AIBU...to want my bag for life back

[bunnyfuller]

Petty I know but I feel really narked and thought a bashing on here would sort me out! A mum who lives near me has two little girls younger than mine. I pass on various clothes/shoes/school uniform etc that is still in good nick. She does some hairdressing on the side of her f/t job and kindly cuts my/my kids hair 2-3 times a year for a v cheap price (cash).

Recently (middle of July) I gave her a bag of dressing up clothes which my girls no longer used, lots of items. I put them in one of my big, strong bags for life and asked her to return the bag.

Fast forward.....3 weeks ago I asked her if she could return it....she said yes definitely, it didn't arrive. I saw her in the street Mon Eve and asked her again, she said 'oh, didn't I bring it back?' Then 'oh I'm sure the girls brought it back' I assured her they hadn't so she promised to have a look for it. She cut my eldest's hair on Tue so when I took the money round after I findihed work I asked her again. This time she said 'oh DC brought it round and hung it on your door' so again I said we hadn't got it. She's now promised to replace. They're in no way hard up so I'm utterly mystified why giving the bag back has been such a huge deal. Did she think it was a plakky bag and thinks I'm weird for going on about it? AIBU for being quite pissed off now? Happy for a flaming because I'm obsessing a bit I need other views!

I would be annoyed too, I hate those hessian bags and just gave loads away (sorry) but I do have my favourites. Don't give her any more stuff. Charity shop will get loads for it.

Wonders where MaccaPaccaismyNemesis has the space to store 1000s of jute shopping bags. Those things are bulky!

OP, I feel your pain, it would piss me off too, I love my shopping bags and would begrudge forking out £5 for another one!

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease, I just had a similar thought... I have quite a few hessian bags that my mum has passed on things to me in and I've kept the bags too. (Including a really lovely 'posh' Seasalt one that I used as a beach bag when we were in France)

OP I never give clothes away in a bag I want to keep or if that's the only one I have at the time, I empty the bag when I get there or as if the other person can empty and hand back to me. (Usually a big suitcase not a hessian one)

OP, I just have to respond to your last, rather depressing, post... she may not have chucked it. She may have done everything she claimed and it went missing. Or perhaps she accidentally lied in the spur of the moment and was too ashamed to correct herself. Yes it's totally principle of it and i would be irritated too. But don't assume what you don't know about people. She's probably hardly thought about it/doesn't realise it's a big deal. Or maybe not. Keep giving things away. Keep being helpful. Keep being a lovely person.

Don't let yourself become hardened or bitter by things like this, will you.

*Children are dying and people are being killed in wars and youre upset over a bag?8

That's a bit unfair as most of the stuff we get peeved about in everyday life, or post about on mumsnet, is less significant than death and war. It would be though as what trumps death and war in the misery/importance stakes?

To give my bag(s) back or not... hmm...

Whinge would your mum be grateful to receive them back?

*Children are dying and people are being killed in wars and youre upset over a bag?8

That's a bit unfair as most of the stuff we get peeved about in everyday life, or post about on mumsnet, is less significant than death and war. It would be though as what trumps death and war in the misery/importance stakes?

To give my bag(s) back or not... hmm...

Whinge would your mum be grateful to receive them back?

You say "she's not exactly a friend ( lord I've tried)" this is very telling, you try to make friends with people by giving them things, then repeatedly stressing them out over a hessian bag??

I'm really jealous of your life that a acquaintance being crap about giving a bag back is AIBU material
Never give more of your self than you can afford
In future your crap on eBay or give it to charity or use a plakky
And for the love of Disney LET IT Goooooooooooooo!

I'm with you OP. I just don't see the problem in giving the bag back. She's made it a thing by not giving it back.

Was it a particularly attractive hessian bag? Have a good feel when you carried it?

Bet she's secretly walking around her house at night admiring herself in mirrors whilst holding. Start cutting out letters from newspapers and send an anonymous* threatening note.

(*this part maybe tricky)

I have loads of the bloody things, and wouldn't miss one if it walked. Actually, come to think of it, I did put a load of stuff in a couple for a friend with younger DC than mine, and I never got the bags back. However, I wasn't really expecting them back in any case. Hope she doesn't read this thread and feel guilty!

OP, don't stop giving stuff to your friend just because of the bag. You're not going to sell the stuff anyway, and it's a minor issue on the scale of things. There are posters on here who will happily send you a replacement bag if you need one.

I see your point - definitely the principle.

By the way, she is NOT giving you cheap haircuts. £5 for a kids haircut, done in either her home or yours is at the top end of the going rate! I know a few ladies that do it and charge about £3 - £5 for a kids haircut in those circumstances. Given a barbers for a boys hair cut is only about £8 and they have a lot more overheads (not to mention she probably doesn't even declare every job she does to the taxman) I would say that she's charging to what she charges everyone.

If you value any potential friendship with her, next time you see her just say something like you're sorry you got a bit OTT about the bag and that you've just got a bit on your plate at the minute. Then just write the bag off and make a mental note not to give her things you don't want back.

Maybe ask her too if she's been able to make use of stuff you've passed on - tell her you've got another friend with daughters and you can give stuff to her if not. That way you give her an easy way to refuse the stuff if she doesn't want it! As someone suggested earlier, maybe she just passed the bag straight on to someone else?

I do think for your own sanity you really need to let this one go and write the bag off - sorry!

Wow you need to turn on the news and see the stuff that's really going on in the world. It might give you a new perspective on this.
Jesus.
You clearly have too much time on your hands!

Perhaps she never told you she binned it because you turned it in to a huge deal. Your finance reasoning doesn't really work if you are prepared to give away stuff you could sell but get all stroppy and obsessive over a shopping bag. The fact that you needed to rant about this on MN says it all. This is not a big deal, it's not the principle, you have fixated on something that really isn't that important. To stop giving her stuff because you've lost a bag is petty, silly behaviour.

I think I'm more surprised that she accepts all the stuff you give her, and still has the brass neck to charge you for cutting your kids hair.

Guilty I originally thought the same ie she was being a bit tight by charging after being given things but 1) she may not actually want the items but doesn't want to be rude by refusing - see the baby clothes thread
2) if everyone gave her something/did her a favour then she would never get paid
3) I hairdressing is her profession! I can't walk into my local shop, give her a few things I don't want and take things I do want!