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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU...to want my bag for life back

115 replies

bunnyfuller · 25/08/2016 18:26

Petty I know but I feel really narked and thought a bashing on here would sort me out! A mum who lives near me has two little girls younger than mine. I pass on various clothes/shoes/school uniform etc that is still in good nick. She does some hairdressing on the side of her f/t job and kindly cuts my/my kids hair 2-3 times a year for a v cheap price (cash).

Recently (middle of July) I gave her a bag of dressing up clothes which my girls no longer used, lots of items. I put them in one of my big, strong bags for life and asked her to return the bag.

Fast forward.....3 weeks ago I asked her if she could return it....she said yes definitely, it didn't arrive. I saw her in the street Mon Eve and asked her again, she said 'oh, didn't I bring it back?' Then 'oh I'm sure the girls brought it back' I assured her they hadn't so she promised to have a look for it. She cut my eldest's hair on Tue so when I took the money round after I findihed work I asked her again. This time she said 'oh DC brought it round and hung it on your door' so again I said we hadn't got it. She's now promised to replace. They're in no way hard up so I'm utterly mystified why giving the bag back has been such a huge deal. Did she think it was a plakky bag and thinks I'm weird for going on about it? AIBU for being quite pissed off now? Happy for a flaming because I'm obsessing a bit I need other views!

OP posts:

tofutti · 26/08/2016 03:39

HouseHuntinginmanchester gets it, Op.

TeaRexit · 26/08/2016 04:55

Next time use a plakky bag.

But I would be annoyed.

Vixster99 · 26/08/2016 11:27

I can sympathise. For me it would be the principle of not returning something that irked me more than the value.

I have a couple of those Tesco bags designed by Cath Kidston a few years ago. OK so not particularly valuable, but I like them and they probably couldn't be replaced now because they were pretty cheap at the time so most people would have regarded them as more-or-less disposable.

I also have a plastic "bag for life" that originated in Morrisons about 10 years ago, its now on its last legs but I don't have the same emotional attachment to it.

Thingmcthingyface · 26/08/2016 11:49

Oh god my entire collection of jute bags is half inched from my mum /mil who bring me things in them and I think 'oooh they won't want that old hessian bag back' . The awful truth that they must hate me has dawned...

Original poster

bunnyfuller · 26/08/2016 11:51

It's absolutely the principle, Vixster. If she'd binned it then why not just say so. I will Freecycle anything we don't need from now on. Just gone through and sorted a load of the kids DVDs which before now I'd have given her. The haircuts are a fiver, so I will just go elsewhere now. As I work long hours I don't have time for eBay or all the messing around you get with for sale sites, and I was more than happy doing a favour for a neighbour. I hate waste and I know it would've been like Christmas Day here if someone had given my girls a load of lovely Disney outfits and party dresses. It's not the bag specifically which a lot of people on here seeming to be missing. If someone asks for something back you return it, regardless of your views on its worth or not. And if you've binned it, don't lie.

OP posts:

OuchLegoHurts · 26/08/2016 13:10

I actually hate getting those hessian bags from people because I know I'll never use them and they take up so much space in the drawer, yet I feel guilty throwing them out. I'm such a waster!

But you know, I really really think that life's too short for worrying about a carpet bag. And I hate to say it but I'm certain that your friend thinks you're crazily obsessed with what she would view as a very disposable item!

OuchLegoHurts · 26/08/2016 13:11

Not a carpet bag, a CARRIER bag!

ProseccoBitch · 26/08/2016 13:13

I'd be pissed off too.

BlancheBlue · 26/08/2016 13:17

Is this a reverse? Is a friend hassling you about a bag you binned?

OlennasWimple · 26/08/2016 13:39

If it's a special edition bag, BTW, lots end up on eBay so you should be able to replace it

MsGemJay · 29/08/2016 19:17

Wow! I def need to stop following this group. Sorry but you are going to lose a friend/helpful person for the sake of a used 10p bag. Wish I had that little to worry about :-/

trafficcarrots · 29/08/2016 19:36

Christmas last year, a multiple of disasters happened which meant I couldn't see my side of the family Christmas day as planned. So last minute my parents popped over on Christmas eve with a very nice burlap type tote bag, probably some trendy designer for some supermarket.

It took me five months to return it, not because I liked it and wanted to keep it, or because i binned it, but because it was a sodding bag and in the grand scheme these things are always forgotten because I was concentrating on the real issues and importance of life.

Can't imagine this thread before the 5p charge...

Luluandizzy · 29/08/2016 19:36

Yes she should have given it back but I don't think it's as big a thing as your making it.

LisaC7 · 29/08/2016 19:42

I'd be pissed off on principal considering of asked for it back. I always return these types of bags as we all know how very useful they are. Don't give her any more clothes

JaneyW74 · 29/08/2016 19:45

Omg what is the world coming to .... I've got some spare ones if you really are desperate to have a hessian bag and if you are that hard up why would you pay a fiver for a bag

SingingSandwich · 29/08/2016 19:51

I'd be upset if someone didn't return one of my nice hessian shoppers either, and would probably ask for it back a few times. I must be a mad bag lady too!

I also think that it's a bit mean of her to not give you free hair cuts in return for all the stuff you've given her! Cutting your children's hair doesn't actually cost her a thing but you lose out giving her clothes that you could have sold. Clearly I'm in a minority here though!

willowtreecottage · 29/08/2016 19:56

Gem , sorry you have masses going on - however please read the thread.

Peonie7654 · 29/08/2016 20:03

I'd guess she passed it on, maybe she took the dressing up clothes to charity shop in the bag...I get loads from charity shops for free.

I think you are at fault for giving it to her. I would have put it in a bin bag or plastic bag.

I wouldn't have asked for it four times though. I bet shes distraught every time you mention it. (Knowing she binned it)

I get given lots of stuff and I keep a few bits and charity shop what we don't need.

Joydgreen88 · 29/08/2016 20:05

OP I love you, this is exactly the kind of thing I would rant to my DH about and he would just look

I'm laughing at how many times you've asked for it back, the poor mum probably thinks you've given her a family heirloom by accident and feels awful that she's accidentally chucked it out! You need

Liverbird9 · 29/08/2016 20:06

Move on its a bag in the giant scheme of things

Marmalade85 · 29/08/2016 20:06

Use a bin bag in future. Don't give anything away that you wouldn't miss. Is it hard to replace?

Fulltimemummy85 · 29/08/2016 20:11

Bit sad for being bothered. It's not a big deal !

Champers4Pampers · 29/08/2016 20:33

1st world problems.

I can understand your annoyed & it's probably the principle rather than the cost.

I think you need to write it off and move on.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 29/08/2016 20:42

I am having a similar realisation. My ex brought some food gifts round from his mum in a Christmas jute bag, which I have hung up in my larder as a bag for bags now. I completely forgot that he did a kind of weird dance about in the kitchen about her wanting the bag back... about two years ago. Shit, she probably hates me now!

Would it be even weirder to give one of these bags back two years too late?

gemma19846 · 29/08/2016 20:51

Children are dying and people are being killed in wars and youre upset over a bag? Shes also saved you money in the past with cheap hair cuts. Get over it :/

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