OH has unilaterally found us a new house

[Natsku]

Apparently we're moving in October. I haven't even seen the house. He's BU right?!

[Natsku]

Well that was a nicer way of saying that but I'm pretty sure I'm not a passive aggressive bitch but maybe I'm wrong... OH seems happy enough with me anyway.

ANYWAY, the house is perfect and turns out it was actually OH's dad that found it. I have fallen in love with it and we've agreed to take it until May, at which point we need to decide whether to buy or not as the owners want to sell.

Just look how pretty it is!

[A11TheSmallTh1ngs]

but maybe I'm wrong

Ugh! You're literally passive aggressively responding to me right now

[Natsku]

Well you got me there

[user1471734618]

" I'm pretty sure I'm not a passive aggressive bitch but maybe I'm wrong... "

oh the irony...

[MyKingdomForBrie]

Jesus A11 are you having a bad day?! Moving house is a fairly stressful thing OP was allowed to feel a bit put out that she hadn't even seen the place she was moving to. All cleared up now so no need for the aggression!

[Natsku]

But do you really think being a bit taken aback at being told I'm going to move house suddenly is passive aggressive? I didn't say anything to my OH about it, I just ranted on here instead, what's passive aggressive about that?

[A11TheSmallTh1ngs]

Are you genuinely asking?

Except for this response, almost all of your responses have been passive aggressive. I'm not even trying to be nasty or rude about it. Maybe you feel like you have to distance yourself from your own "angry" emotions with lots of joking.

You don't. It's ok to be angry. Sometimes the anger is irrational or unwarranted but it still feels better to own it, than dance around it.

Maybe you thought it was safer if we were angry at your husband on your behalf, which is why you drip drip drip relevant information and mischaracterized all his actions (rent v buy) etc.

[Natsku]

Maybe I didn't realise I was coming across passive aggressive, I suppose I was but I was only angry and upset for a while after he first told me because I didn't know myself what he meant. I didn't know it was rent not buying until he text me afterwards. I find it hard to be open about anger.

[Fairenuff]

I found it an odd thread too OP. From the start, there was no indication of how you felt about it, so it was impossible to say whether he was being unreasonable or not.

[SugarMiceInTheRain]

My DH signed for a flat (rental) I'd never seen before because we were living in Germany at the time and he'd flown back to the UK for a job interview. I knew he was going to put the feelers out for somewhere to live when we returned but when he called to say he'd found this flat (in perfect location I hasten to add) I just had to trust him that it'd be ok. And it was, for 18 months (until we discovered there were rats in the building ) On the whole though, I tend to have more stringent criteria than him for things like this - I took the lead buying our car, researched them all etc and also whittled down houses to the ones I really liked before arranging any viewings when we were buying.

[Natsku]

Fair point fairenuff, I was angry but couldn't express it. But I'm very happy now.

[A11TheSmallTh1ngs]

well I'm glad it worked out and that you're happy! I think my earlier posts were a bit harsh (as someone who has been on the other side of passive aggressive silent treatment i think i overreacted).

it's definitely worth thinking about how to express anger to the person you're angry at and getting more comfortable with it.

Btw, if it takes you a while to get angry about something, it's ok to say "I was surprised before but now I've thought about it, I'm unhappy". it's not a one shot thing where if you seem okay with something, you''re stuck with your first response.

[OhTheRoses]

My DH offered on the last house without consultation. I got flamed too.

It was a good economic decision, honed his mind about what he wanted ultimately and worked out well.

He didn't actually like the lifestyle it offered in the end but was a means to an end and he had to go through it and I facilitated it.

We are now in his dream home. Looks round in despair at project ahead but he's happy, I'm happy.

[Natsku]

Thanks A11 that's some good advice, I'm going to be more upfront about things with OH

[dowhatnow]

That sounds awful ohtheroses Is he like that with all decisions? I couldn't live with a "he's happy so I'm happy" philosophy, unless it was uncharacteristic of him. Are you really happy in your relationship?

[OhTheRoses]

Yes, very happy and it isn't awful. We have the perfect dream rambling pile, well maintained but out of date. I also have the budget to keep all its charm and turn it into something state of the art, probably doubling its value. It's a big project but he leaves me to deal with it and make all design decisions.

It's bloody awesome actually. And yes our relationship is great. I've turned in a profit of more than £1m in the last three years on two renovations.

I'm not happy because he's happy I'm happy because he's my DH and proud that we have been together for 25 years and know each other inside out.

[Natsku]

That's good then roses my OH has told me I can do whatever I want with the house while he does what he wants with the big double garage with a loft (probably a work room for fixing motorbikes and a man cave type place. We're both happy with that arrangement.